How to miss someone +
The problem with hanging out

how to miss someone

People laugh, when I tell them, because it is so simple.

If you want to miss someone —or vice versa— you want that someone to miss you:
don't spend too much f****** time together.

People spend tons of hours zusammen, then wonder, why they get on each others' nerves.

Give your loved ones space and time. Give them a chance to miss you.

High frequency meetings? Every day, every few days, every week? Make it short and sweet: 15 min, 30 min, 2-3 hours.

Less frequent gatherings? Per month, per year, special occasion? Okay, we have not seen in a while, but still, let's not push it. Nobody likes/has got time for all-day-long events. Few hours, half a day, and see you next time!

the problem with hanging out

I often hear, how "we should hangout more".

Sure, it's great to exchange few random stories, share a laugh, a drink, a line (hehe), and forget about the time.

But, hanging out: it doesn't help you get things done. There is no progress, it gets you nowhere. You have nothing from it, when the sun rises the next day. It is just pleasure at the moment, no deep satisfaction on the long run. That is why, you have to limit it.

how often should you see someone aka hangout?

Too many variables, to shoot the answer out of the sky.

What do kids do, when they have got free time?

• a kid with no ambition, no dreams: wants to hangout with his buddies at McDonald's;
• a kid, dreaming about becoming the best footballer in the world (aka Cristiano 30 years ago in Madeira): wants to train football. Every minute of his spare time.

It is the same with adult people. No dreams, no vision, no nada: "Yeah, let's hangout after work." Day after day. People have no clue what to do with their free time. They never ask themselves, never take time to explore their wishes — so they hangout. It is the easiest thing to do.

On the other hand, people with serious hobbies/intentions: they know exactly what they want to do, when they finish their lousy 8h shift (hint: not hangout).

What is the conclusion: boring, unmotivated people want to hangout more often?

There is a better way to spend your time, than just hangout aimlessly. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking.

As a reference, my minimal/reduced "hangout" schedule, after realizing, I want to read & write as much as possible in my spare time:

• every day (short, 15 min): coffee with a buddy with a similar "create" mindset;
• every 10 days (couple of hours): playtime with a sweetheart;
• every 2 months (half a day): lunch with my folks.