Nordkapp bike mission

Frlan

Nordkapp bike mission

~cycling diaries 2016

Frlan

2024-10

to all the phone calls I ghosted while writing this

Aloha!

Year 2016, I had no better idea, so I bought a bike for 230 EUR and cycled to Nordkapp. Wanted to go direction Spain actually, but someone told me: "yo, not a good idea" because summer time (= high temperatures), so I went north. Was disappointed with the choice later on, because I realized everybody wants to go to Nordkapp.

Ljubljana—Nordkapp is 4220 km one way. Was doing 50 to 200 km per day, the average was 90. You will see the route of the trip below.

Gone for 8 months, May till December, reached Nordkapp on 16th October 2016. Blew 3k EUR including initial costs, my travel budget was 10 EUR per day.

I was writing a diary every evening before going to bed, or first thing in the morning. Later on, I wrote Slovene online version (37k words), and now extended English version of a book (76k words).

Slovene is my mother tongue, why English? I got tired of getting questions, tired of people not to be able understand the shit I write.

Why extended? Sometimes you do stupid shit, you are not really proud of, or maybe embarrassed to share, then you wonder, should I include this or keep it to myself? I might have cut off few of those stories in Slovene version, but tried to add them in English version, to spice things up.

As you noticed, we like numbers here. Have some more about creation of this book:

• 2018-06 to 2019-10: on and off writing in 3 stages, 410 hours of play
• 2021-03 to 2021-09: making a web version of it (html + css), adding pictures, re-read & edit all the content, 540 hours of play
• 2024-08 to 2024-10: adding intro sections (no hours count)

Before reading a book, someone might ask, why bother? I gave it a thought, this is what I could come up with:

• if you are young and thinking about a similar trip, check it for some inspiration, you will catch few ideas of your own, if I did it, why couldn't you?
• if you are old, but feeling young and adventurous, same as above, go for it tiger
• are you hungry for some adventure, but don't want to leave your comfortable bed? no worries, I bring you adventure on the paper
• tired of swiping Tinder, scrolling Youtube on toilet, in search for alternative amusement? here you go, your new toilet material

For anyone, dreaming about your own trip: should I do it, should I not do it? Fuck YES, you should do it. Word of advice: don't try to plan everything ahead, you are going to get a headache. You will deal with the problems, when they appear. If everything goes according to plan, there is no story to tell. Bigger the problems, better the story.

You are scared, you have doubts, you are insecure, completely normal, we have all been there. When you start, all of these feelings get blown away.

Damn, what a ride that was.

I absolutely loved all the random shit, that happened to me, btw, I even participated in reality show in Estonia, how cool is that? Type in "Prooviabielu TV3" and you will find a dude with blue hair, or read about it in the book, he-he-he.

Many thanks to all the people we have met along the way, for all the stories, and energies exchanged. You saved my (frozen) ass a couple of times, got hosted and served tasty sandwiches countless of times, you are the best! My apologies, if I was being difficult sometimes, might have been hungry.

For all the heroes, that are going to read this, whole or just a part of it, I would really appreciate your feedback.

• I like it because..
• It sucks because..
• You sound weird..
• Couldn't read more than a page of it..
• You are so funny, couldn't stop laughing, hahahah..
• What a legend, you got me inspired for my next trip..

Doesn't matter, no hard feelings, send me your honest feedback and help me improve my writing skills: frlan@frlan.xyz

[2016-05-06]	Slovenia: Ljubljana — Gornji Grad	50 km
[2016-05-07]	Slovenia: Gornji Grad — Dravograd	120 km
[2016-05-08]	Slovenia — Austria: Dravograd — Mooskirchen	200 km
[2016-05-09]	Austria: Mooskirchen — Graz	235 km
[2016-05-10] — [2016-05-12]	Austria: Graz	235 km
[2016-05-13]	Austria: Graz — Murzzuschlag	330 km
[2016-05-14]	Austria: Murzzuschlag — Vienna	450 km
[2016-05-15]	Austria: Vienna	450 km
[2016-05-16]	Austria — Slovakia: Vienna — Bratislava	530 km
[2016-05-17]	Slovakia: Bratislava	530 km
[2016-05-18]	Slovakia — Austria: Bratislava — Hohenau	620 km
[2016-05-19]	Austria — Czech Republic: Hohenau — Brno	710 km
[2016-05-20] — [2016-05-22]	Czech Republic: Brno	710 km
[2016-05-23]	Czech Republic: Brno — Olomouc	800 km
[2016-05-24]	Czech Republic: Olomouc — Hlubocec	880 km
[2016-05-25]	Czech Republic: Hlubocec	880 km
[2016-05-26]	Czech Republic — Poland: Hlubocec — Kobielice	985 km
[2016-05-27]	Poland: Kobielice — Krakow	1105 km
[2016-05-28] — [2016-05-29]	Poland: Krakow	1105 km
[2016-05-30]	Poland: Krakow — Jedrzejow	1200 km
[2016-05-31]	Poland: Jedrzejow — Warsaw	1405 km
[2016-06-01] — [2016-06-07]	Poland: Warsaw	1405 km
[2016-06-08]	Poland: Warsaw — Dzierzenin	1460 km
[2016-06-09]	Poland: Dzierzenin — Gorki	1580 km
[2016-06-10]	Poland: Gorki — Pomorze	1710 km
[2016-06-11]	Poland — Lithuania: Pomorze — Kalviai	1830 km
[2016-06-12]	Lithuania: Kalviai — Vilnius	1910 km
[2016-06-13] — [2016-06-14]	Lithuania: Vilnius	1910 km
[2016-06-15]	Lithuania: Vilnius — Pamusis	2015 km
[2016-06-16]	Lithuania: Pamusis — Namisiai	2150 km
[2016-06-17]	Lithuania — Latvia: Namisiai — Riga	2250 km
[2016-06-18] — [2016-06-26]	Latvia: Riga	2250 km
[2016-06-27]	Latvia: Riga — Kuivizi	2360 km
[2016-06-28]	Latvia — Estonia: Kuivizi — Parnu	2435 km
[2016-06-29]	Estonia: Parnu — Aasmae	2545 km
[2016-06-30]	Estonia: Aasmae — Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-07-01] — [2016-07-08]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-07-09] — [2016-07-17]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-07-18] — [2016-07-31]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-08-01] — [2016-08-21]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-08-22] — [2016-08-25]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-08-26]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-08-27] — [2016-08-31]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-09-01] — [2016-09-17]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-09-18] — [2016-09-23]	Estonia: Tallinn	2575 km
[2016-09-24]	Estonia — Finland: Tallinn — Vantaa	2597 km
[2016-09-25]	Finland: Vantaa — Lahti	2690 km
[2016-09-26]	Finland: Lahti — Hartola	2780 km
[2016-09-27]	Finland: Hartola — Jyväskylä	2885 km
[2016-09-28]	Finland: Jyväskylä — Kannonkoski	2975 km
[2016-09-29]	Finland: Kannonkoski — Pihtipudas	3060 km
[2016-09-30]	Finland: Pihtipudas — Siikalatva	3167 km
[2016-10-01]	Finland: Siikalatva — Oulu	3270 km
[2016-10-02]	Finland: Oulu — Kemi	3385 km
[2016-10-03]	Finland: Kemi — Rovaniemi	3510 km
[2016-10-04]	Finland: Rovaniemi	3510 km
[2016-10-05]	Finland: Rovaniemi	3510 km
[2016-10-06]	Finland: Rovaniemi	3510 km
[2016-10-07]	Finland: Rovaniemi	3510 km
[2016-10-08]	Finland: Rovaniemi — Korvala	3577 km
[2016-10-09]	Finland: Korvala — Sodankylä	3647 km
[2016-10-10]	Finland: Sodankylä — Tankavaara	3742 km
[2016-10-11]	Finland: Tankavaara — Ivalo	3800 km
[2016-10-12]	Finland: Ivalo — Kielajoki	3899 km
[2016-10-13]	Finland — Norway: Kielajoki — Karasjok	3954 km
[2016-10-14]	Norway: Karasjok — Lakselv	4055 km
[2016-10-15]	Norway: Lakselv — Kafjord	4160 km
[2016-10-16]	Norway: Kafjord — Nordkapp	4220 km
[2016-10-17]	Norway: Nordkapp — Lakselv
[2016-10-18]	Norway — Finland: Lakselv — Inari
[2016-10-19]	Finland: Inari — Saariselkä
[2016-10-20]	Finland: Saariselkä — Torvinen
[2016-10-21]	Finland: Torvinen — Rovaniemi
[2016-10-22] — [2016-10-27]	Finland: Rovaniemi
[2016-10-28]	Finland: Rovaniemi — Kemi
[2016-10-29]	Finland: Kemi — Oulu
[2016-10-30]	Finland: Oulu — Jyväskylä
[2016-10-31] — [2016-11-06]	Finland: Jyväskylä
[2016-11-07]	Finland: Jyväskylä — Tampere
[2016-11-08]	Finland: Tampere — Hämeenlinna
[2016-11-09]	Finland — Estonia: Hämeenlinna — Tallinn
[2016-11-10] — [2016-11-24]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-25]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-26]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-27]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-28]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-29]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-11-30]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-12-01]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-12-02]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-12-03]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-12-04] — [2016-12-11]	Estonia: Tallinn
[2016-12-12]	Estonia — Lithuania: Tallinn — Vilnius
[2016-12-13]	Lithuania — Poland: Vilnius — Krakow
[2016-12-14]	Poland — Austria: Krakow — Vienna
[2016-12-15] — [2016-12-17]	Austria: Vienna
[2016-12-18]	Austria: Vienna — Wiener Neustadt
[2016-12-19]	Austria: Wiener Neustadt — Pinggau
[2016-12-20]	Austria: Pinggau — Loipersdorf
[2016-12-21]	Austria — Slovenia: Loipersdorf — Maribor
[2016-12-22] — [2016-12-27]	Slovenia: Maribor
[2016-12-28]	Slovenia: Maribor — Ljubljana

[2016-05-06] Slovenia: Ljubljana — Gornji Grad, 50 km

Flat tyre for a good start

Finally, all the stuff is somehow on the bike. This packing procedure can be very tiring. The equipment list does not look too long on the paper, but when you try to attach everything on the bike, it looks like a lot of junk. Let's have a last motivational song, deep breath and then get out of here. Fantastic, I can see a flat tyre without even touching the bicycle — already an opportunity to practice my skills.
Fuck yes, I am out of the building, I threw the keys to the post mail, there is no way going back. Well, there is, but I would have to wait for my sister to come back from work — so no, there is no way going back. It is time for the official "starting the trip" selfie. Click 1, click 2, 3 — one of them will have to be fine. Hop on the bike, goodbye wave to random people that appear on the street.
First few hundred meters, I realize, I do not even know how to ride this thing. It feels like driving some kind of heavy machinery with all this weight at the rear part. I guess I will have time to get used to it, it is going to be a long ride.

Wet asphalt and "pečenka"

I am at the sign Stahovica and I can see some wet asphalt. Red alarm in my head. While I know it is ridiculous, you just cannot help yourself — the body goes to extra caution mode. Come on buddy, you have seen rain before, no panic, you are going to be all right. Rain, wind, sun — it is all part of this game. Let's be brave and keep riding. It shouldn't be too hard to find a little bit of roof if the rain starts and goes full power.
Too many rain thoughts in my head, now there is rain on my skin. There is a house with a roof and two women jumping around, let's go say hi and wait for the storm to pass. "Where are you going to, son?", one of them asks me. I reply: "Nordkapp". They both almost lose conscious when they hear that and I feel very heroic like Kristof Columb sailing towards America. The house owner lady offers me "pečenka", which is some kind of home made steak, she has leftovers from lunch. I don't know what is going on in my head but I surprisingly say no — not a very wise decision. You don't say no to food.

Church private room

It is enough for today, 50 km sounds like a nice number for the first day of cycling. Let's get a snack from the store and find a place to spend the night. I don't like the view of the sky, it looks pretty dark. You know what, I am in my mother country, it should not be too difficult to find alternative to my tent. There is a church — seems like a good place to seek for a shelter.
Nobody answers. No problem, there are many doors around remaining, keep knocking, someone should open the door sooner or later. Mission successful — a grandpa appears at the door, two seconds later also his wife. After explaining the situation of being extra super marathon cyclist — who does not want to deal with a wet tent (yet) — they offer me a room next to their apartment which is kind of being under construction. It belongs to the church complex or something, bla bla, nobody really cares. The folks are really nice and they tell me to come for breakfast the next day.
I go through the junk in my room, find myself a chair to sit down and think a bit how my day was. I would say not bad, this was a good opening.

[2016-05-07] Slovenia: Gornji Grad — Dravograd, 120 km

Breakfast with grandparents

Breakfast time at my hosts. Mr grandpa comes with a map from Yugoslavia times (I am guessing), he wants to show me further directions. Actually I have a paper version of a map of Slovenia, but it is packed somewhere deep — not motivated to go for it, Yugoslavia version will do the trick. I want to go for a shortcut which includes smaller roads and hills to avoid making a circle on the main connection.

Smrekovec shortcut

What a nasty shortcut this is. Half of the day I am cycling uphill — let's be honest, it is more walking than cycling. It turns out I am going via Smrekovec, which top point is located 1300 m above the sea. I don't know the altitude where I started in the morning, but it must have been low. Mr grandpa tricked me nicely, I think nobody mentioned 1300 m?
The air is clean, no traffic, trees around you, I should stop complaining, it was a good decision. Good thing about cycling uphills — if you go up, at one point you have to go down. I hope my brakes are alright.

Dravograd hospitality check

I just crashed in Dravograd like a wind, let's go check out hospitality of the people. There is something going on — aha, a football match. That is nice, I like football, but not right now.
My eye catches a set of little houses with gardens and grass. I slowly approach one lady and ask if I could set up my tent on their grass for one night. "There is no space", she answers in strange accent. Of course not, just an airplane could land on your backyard, whatever. Strange accent, strange vibes, get out of this area, let's move to the upper side of the town.
Scan mode is on, a new target is located. Scan mode off, smile mode on, I repeat the question. "Oh, I am just visiting here, but you can try your luck at the neighbours up there". Classic move, point the finger to someone else. What the hell, let's follow this finger — an attempt number three.
It is a bit tricky at this house, the place is hidden behind the bushes. I can hear the people talking but I cannot see them. I say my verse half shouting, half talking. "Come up the stairs, so I can see you" is the answer I get. 10 minutes later: I have a beer on the table, there is food coming, Marko the neighbour is coming and the cats — the cats are also coming from behind the corners. Everybody wants to hear the cycling story, me and the cats: we want the food.

[2016-05-08] Slovenia — Austria: Dravograd — Mooskirchen, 200 km

Breakfast plus sandwiches to go

This is bed and breakfast deal, fried eggs included in the morning plus bonus package — I am getting two sandwiches for the road. What a lucky bastard I am.

Austrian border

There are not so many kilometers left to the border — two, three hours and I am out of the comfort of using the Slovenian language. I wonder how many free snacks are going to be there once I get out of here.
I am crossing via Radlje, I have to climb to 650 m of height, where the Austrian soldiers control and protect their land due to 21st century "massive and illegal" migrations. This is a bit of complex topic. Freedom, war, bombs, different cultures, who is the bad guy, who is the good guy, who is scared of who — I will just say I can be glad to have the opportunity to be here right now and to freely descent towards Austria.
Nice s curves, the asphalt is really fast, I pretend to fully trust my gear and go downhill full speed. I am so fast even the shadow struggles to follow me. Some nice flat road in front of me, shift up to the highest gear and cycle on!

Chinese German

It is time to check my German communication skills. I am following the main road, nothing tricky navigation wise, but I will still ask this guy for directions. Dude starts talking, I am listening, at least I try to listen, I am nodding, finishing the convo with "Alles Klar!". I don't know what kind of Chinese German was that but certainly this is not how it sounds in school. No worries, everything under control — 12 years of learning German behind me, I just need to roll the dice more often. Anyway, he showed me directions with his hand, so pretty clear where to go.

[2016-05-09] Austria: Mooskirchen — Graz, 235 km

"Sind Sie Kirchemann?"

I spent the night behind the church in a little town called Mooskirchen. The sun in up, the plan is to get my stuff on the bike before people start walking around and pretend nothing happened — you know, it is not really the official camping spot here. I am too slow, I am too late. While circling around my tent, figuring out the best way to do this, I hear noises coming from the window. Crap, there is a dude and I think there were some words coming out of his mouth, you have to say something. "Sind Sie Kirchemann?" The guy gives me a bit of a strange look but then starts smiling. He confirms but uses a little different word "Pfarrer". He is a priest and wants to share a breakfast with me.
You don't have to ask me twice, I am already sitting at the table, chilled and relaxed. I don't let the German grammar and those little "how is that going to sound" thoughts hold me back — going full force with "sprechen". The debate is on for 2 hours, there is almost no time to eat! Yeah, I am killing it. Then the phone rings. Maybe I am not at a pro level yet, because I didn't get a word from this telephone conversation. Austrians can have a really strong dialect. A dialect can be so strong, I am not sure we can still call it a German language.
Mr Pfarrer offers to show me the church, what a nice guy. I wonder is he also such a nice guy when he is not on a duty? Being a priest is probably like being a professional wanderer, it is a 24/7 job, you need to show full dedication.

No reply in Graz

This was a short ride, 35 km and already in Graz. It is a total of 235 km behind me, it would be nice to have a short vacation, maybe hang out with people in this nice (and expensive) city.
I sent few requests yesterday via Warmshowers — web platform where cyclists help each other. You can spend the night, have a warm shower, do the laundry, empty their fridge (if it is not already empty / unlucky), hangout, tons of possibilities. As a host you provide facilities, a cyclist brings fresh energy and good stories from the streets. To sum up: the best trick to make a cyclist happy — give him a sandwich.
I am cruising around the city, waiting for any possible positive reply. You know what, no luck so far. It is late afternoon, I am not sure how long am I willing to wait. When the sun goes down, it can be a bit unpleasant to cruise around in unfamiliar city. A bird just crapped on my shirt, what about that. I believe this is a sign to get out of here. It is not meant for me to stay in Graz more time. Maybe let's give it a last chance, check the Warmshowers messages once again and then leave.

[2016-05-10] — [2016-05-12] Austria: Graz, 235 km

Anna's Culture Exchange and Thomas's spiritual toilet

Surprise, I am still here. These folks, they fucked up, they were being too nice, constantly telling me to stay as much as I want and now they can't get rid of me. When you go for a random house, you never know what you are going to encounter — young, fat, economist, a bus driver — it is pretty random (which can be good and bad). When searching for people via Warmshowers, you are not going to believe but there is a high chance that your host is a cyclist. You both own a bicycle, you have a specific thing in common, it might be easier to find a connection.
Anna the host comes from England, she runs a business here in Graz called "Culture Exchange" — a place where you can get a coffee, a beer, they also have nice, good looking and tasty cakes. Anna's boyfriend Thomas did not really sign up for the job but he also got a part of the hosting experience. I have to mention he has the most church style toilet decoration I have ever seen. Imagine a church in a toilet. I wonder if a priest would find this offensive. Well, if I get the message right, it does feel like in heaven after having a nice shit on the toilet. Anna and Thomas they are both enthusiastic cyclists, bike messengers, there are bicycles everywhere — at the coffee shop and apartment, hanging from the walls, in the corridors. If there is a spot available, there will be a bike, bike wheel, or bike-something.
A lot of random good shit in these few days — city bike cruise, just chill, deep conversations how to save a planet and ourselves, rugby, alcohol to charge the batteries, music sessions, Balkan-Graz communities, Mcdonald's.

[2016-05-13] Austria: Graz — Murzzuschlag, 330 km

Sunny-rainy regular cycling day

This is not the weather I ordered for today. Something between rain and sun nonstop, this means taking the jacket on, taking the jacket off in intervals. It should be around 200 km from Graz to Vienna.

[2016-05-14] Austria: Murzzuschlag — Vienna, 450 km

Sharing a chapel with Jesus overnight

I crashed in a chapel overnight, sleeping on three chairs put together. Not really the best sleep I have ever had but overall not bad. There was a bit of rain during the night and I do not fancy starting a day in a wet tent. It is kind of unique experience sleeping in the chapel with all these pictures of spiritual people hanging around you. The feeling is like they are staring at you, saying: "Don't do anything wrong, don't do anything stupid!"
What is a bit funny, the chapel was locked when I arrived but the lock system is not really well designed — you push the door and it opens. Maybe it is on purpose made like this so random touring cyclists can help themselves and spend the night in a dry environment. Austrians are good and advanced people, they think of everything.

Mr Onkel offers a ride to Vienna city center

It is past 8 pm, the sun is going down and a sign in front of me is saying 20 km to go to Wien. A good thing is I have a confirmed host somewhere in the center and I can see the city in front of me. The not so good thing is Vienna is a huge city and my sense is telling me there might be more than 20 km to reach the center area.
There is a race happening on the cycle line, one man is following me, he is stuck behind me for quite some time. He wants to pass, I say hello. I am trying to get some more precise info how far is this street where my host lives. Mr Onkel says 20 km to Vienna area plus another 20 km to reach my street — aha, perfect.
My gear to support night riding is very poor or to use other words: I have no lamp, no lights. The situation is under control though, there is no reason to panic — I am sure that we are going to find a solution together with Mr Onkel, he looks like a wise guy and this is his home region.
We keep on cycling until one point when he says he has to turn right and to go to the city center I should go straight. Hmm, this means I am on my own again. Do we have any other proposals? He offers to pack my bike in his car and drive me to the center. The aim of the trip is to avoid using motorized vehicles but you have to be flexible. It was the right decision because while (un)packing to fit all the gear in the car, I realize I lost few bolts and I am not really sure how come the bike's trunk was still holding it together.
We drive 30 minutes with the car to the final destination — this is a good lesson, cycling to big cities is tricky. When you see a sign, when you think you are already there, you still need one-two-three hours to actually get there. The debate in the car is about computer science — a very advanced topic to discuss in German language. I can be a very good listener.

[2016-05-15] Austria: Vienna, 450 km

Hosted by Jakub

Jakub the host is a guy originally from Czech Republic, working in Vienna already for 5 years. A very enthusiastic cyclist, not the one you meet in city center cruising around with a basket in front. He does races, where you cross few countries in few days with many kilometers and minimum sleep. He is an absolute monster. If there is no massive pain involved in the sport, he does not call it a sport. This guy is all about the endurance. Ladies must love him in the bedroom — unlimited ride, if you know what I mean.
There is a bike stander in middle of the hall of Jakub's apartment, a very convenient tool when fixing your bicycle. Jakub has spare bolts and parts, exactly the size I need. Me very lucky, because I don't have to hunt down any bike shops. Let's take the opportunity and also fasten rest of the bolts, everything is a bit shaky.

Vienna horses look expensive

What to say about Vienna? If you come from a countryside with 30 houses like me, this is a huge million city where it's no problem to get lost. Vienna or Wien is the capital of Austria so you can find pretty much anything that exist on this planet over here.
The biggest mindfuck is observing an Asian looking dude, he opens his mouth, you expect to hear some konichiwa crap, but instead fluent German comes out of his mouth — woow.
If you like horses and you have a lot of money to blow, you can have a city ride with a horse trailer just for yourself. It looks very romantic, the horses are sharp as fuck, they look like super expensive cars. What is really impressive, there is a kind of bag fixed behind every horse in a service. In case of natural process of shitting, all the load falls in the bag — this means shit free looking streets. Very advanced.

[2016-05-16] Austria — Slovakia: Vienna — Bratislava, 530 km

Champion breakfast

The breakfast, I simply have to mention. Jakub made eggs, beans on the side, toasted bread with cheese, coffee or tea to drink. This is so good I am not sure I want to leave already. This is what I call breakfast for the champs.

Wrong side of Danube

I hear there is a nice cycling path going right next to Danube river. All I got to do: (a) find the river, (b) cycle until you see the sign Bratislava. The distance is cca 70 km, all flat. If you have a whole day, you should cover this distance even if cycling backwards.
What could possibly go wrong in this little daily adventure? I successfully locate the river, I can't go further — traffic sign stops me, this road is being under construction. No biggie: cross the street, turn right, turn left, few more little turns, go straight. Suddenly, I am at Vienna airport? How did this happen and where did the river go!?
I am not going back now, let's just keep on going. Cycling next to the highway, across farm fields, local road, everywhere just not where I was supposed to. Later that day I realize I was cycling at the wrong side of the river. Official cycling lane is on the other side. Well done, buddy.

Obchodna 30

Aleluja, I am in Bratislava. A quick snack from the store. What is the situation, where to spend the night? No luck with online hosting platforms, that can happen. What are other possibilities: sleep in the tent, try harder online, try your luck on the street.
It seems like nobody gets my subtle message when asking random street people where to crash overnight. No, I do not want to spend the night in a hotel, I would like to crash on the floor in your living room. Long term touring cyclists are usually very budget limited, sleeping in hotels and hostels can double the budget. This is more option for tourists that come by airplane, not for Indiana Jones cruising Europe by bicycle. Another thing, there is not so much of adventurer spirit involved in paying for the room.
We live in the era of computers and phones, let's try a bit more over there. The famous Couchsurfing traveler platform — tons of users, it seems like everybody is Indiana Jones these days, but only few are active. There is a Couchsurfing meeting today in a pub not far away. Fuck yes, what a great opportunity to practice communication skills, exchange good stories and knowledge, have a beer with new buddies. This is the evening to go all in, drink beer, drink some more beer, relax and see what happens.
It looks like I have a place to spend the night, Matthias offers to help a fellow traveler. A hitchhiker who knows this gypsy game of crashing random places. I am still at the party, Matthy leaves and gives me instructions to call him later. I am getting hyped at the party, ready to show some freaky dance moves, and you know what? The party ends — cut, everybody goes home. What to do, a quick presentation of my bicycle and gear to all of my new buddies that stayed till the end. People are tired, sleepy, have love problems, the show is over.
I am lucky that Matthy is still up and he answers his phone. He is not at his place anymore, he went to his girlfriend's place — very nice, I already have two wheels on the bike, no need for the third wheel. I get instructions to go to his roommate, pick up the keys and then sleep or something. Fabko the roomy works in a bar, in order to get the keys, I have to drink my beer first, it is impossible not to love these guys. Fabiane has a super sweet and hot chica around his neck, the bar is otherwise completely empty. To be honest, I would like to leave the keys to Fabko, let him go sleep and have a rest in the apartment, meanwhile I can close the bar, do the checkout with this sweetie. They are both pretty wasted, I am too sober, it is quite hard to follow when you are not at the same level. Even though the number three is a magical number, it is time to get out of here and leave these little love birds alone — damn, she is hot.
Time of the day, when only hard workers are out on the street. Random drunk folks, trash workers and wanderers trying to find the right door that matches the keys in their hand. Main objective is to find "Obchodna 30". There is a shop under this number, am I supposed to crash in a shop? This can't be right, I must have heard the wrong number, this is what happens when Slovak and Slovene people communicate. Maybe it is the number 13, 40 or something in between? Like a true fighter I try the tactics go door by door, sooner or later the keys will have to match one door lock. No success, I have to go back to Fabko and ask for more detailed instructions.
This is just great, where will I find them? Fucking on the floor, on the table, on the bar, chair, door, wall, stairs... I approach the bar like a shadow, look at them, they are still thirsty, there are still few bottles waiting to get emptied. My apologies Fabko, but it looks like I can't find the right door. He confirms the number 30 (thirty) and also name of the street. Write it on the hand, let's get back and finish this project, you can do this. There is kind of a double door under the number 30, what a lousy trick. Project unlocked. Ale-fucking-luja.

[2016-05-17] Slovakia: Bratislava, 530 km

Asian tourists taking pictures

A relaxed day in Bratislava. Compared to what I am used to, this is a city easy to manage, it is around the same size as Ljubljana, less than half a million inhabitants. It is located right next to Danube, where a lot of touristic shit is going on.
Summer time is coming, a lot of people with cameras everywhere. I like Asian tourists, it is just impossible not to see them. They look at every building, rock, stain, chewing gum — they are not skipping anything. One camera around the neck, a tablet in their hands and one phone in the pocket — this is how an average Asian tourist looks like.
It is incredible how they take pictures. Not with the super expensive camera, which is built only and precisely for taking high tech photos — no, they will use their tablet with some random camera resolution and automatic setup. Nobody cares about the quality of the photo — what matters the most, is to have a lot of them. No doubt, they know how to pose. The one to edit all of those pictures is going to be a very busy person. Who needs the sun, flash is coming from every angle. What a great show this is, and you don't even have to pay for the entrance.

[2016-05-18] Slovakia — Austria: Bratislava — Hohenau, 620 km

Nice day to cycle

A nice day to cycle, not very busy road, I am going parallel to the border. No human interaction. Just pedal.

[2016-05-19] Austria — Czech Republic: Hohenau — Brno, 710 km

Belgian dude with 30 kg of load

I meet another cycling champion on the road. Is he stopping? Yeah, he is stopping, let's exchange some info. A dude from Belgium, he is 35 years old and carries 30 kg of luggage at the rear of his bike, that is twice of my load. Damn, why so much to carry? Basically, he only uses half of his stuff, the other half is "just in case" crap. He has enough equipment for another dude to go for a solo trip. He knows he took too much stuff but he will only be cruising around Europe for two months and he doesn't want to throw stuff away.
A very enthusiastic smoker, I carry around cans of tuna and he carries packages of cigarettes. He just cycled through Poland, where I am going. He doesn't like the roads and the drivers over there. "If I were you, I would skip Poland", he says. I appreciate the advice, but what am I supposed to do, fly over?

First official flat tyre

Around 15 km before Brno, flat tyre. Is this my first official flat tyre during the trip? I think so, if we don't count tyre defect right before start of the journey. Time for some photos, few poses of me engineering the bike. Let's do this fast, the same way how they do it in Formula One. I get dirty from chain and tyres all the way from hands till the neck. Maybe not such a good idea to enter Brno like a black ninja. There are houses, probably they have water to wash myself.

Crashing to Brno

First impression of Brno, it is very vibrate, energetic. This is what we like after few days of silence on the bike. Noise, random people to observe, industry air, cheap beer for a cheap cyclist. Fucking cyclists: always hungry, always thirsty.

[2016-05-20] — [2016-05-22] Czech Republic: Brno, 710 km

Ludka has to study

Ludmila from Slovakia, who studies here in Brno — also known as Ludka, Luda, Ludilda — offered to help a fellow on the bike, via Warmshowers. The situation is, she has some kind of final exam in two weeks, she can't afford to be my tour guide. This is completely understandable. We only got half smashed yesterday after I have arrived. Frlan the biggest gypsy in the bar, no Czech Crowns in the pocket, but holding three beers with two hands. Great evening.

Ukranian birthday cuisine

It looks a very busy schedule for today. City tour to see a church and statue in the center. We are around all day long, birthday fiesta in the evening with beer and Ukranian cuisine. Birthday gifts — who cares — look at this table, everything looks delicious.

Zetor museum

Saturday is the day to go to museum, to see a display of what people have accomplished in history. Technical stuff over here, a train powered by gray air, some people might call it steam, looking very stylish. It works, you can have a little mini ride.
A house of experiments, where they use nature powered magic tricks to impress you, usually followed by explanation how is that even possible. A great opportunity to listen to technical expressions in Czech language.
Zetor museum, true countryside boys would love this one. Zetor is a company that (still) manufactures tractors. This used to be a very popular company label when I was growing up. Every second household, there was a Zetor tractor.
Tired from all this information throughout the day, we decide with Ludka, it would be nice to have some liquid, maybe beer in the evening.

Peter always carries gloves

Calendar says it is sunday — meeting with Ludka's buddy Peter. There is a bit of history between these two, have I heard that correct? Can I see a sparkle over there with my eagle eye? It is complicated, Peter has a girlfriend. It seems nobody really knows what is going on, who wants what, who wants who.
Cut, another subject. Peter works with computers and uses his bike daily as transport. I can notice he is a very detailed dude regarding the equipment. He carries more repair stuff than myself, some of the tools I have never even seen before. I find this one really fascinating. Not to get dirty in case of chain or tyre repair, he always carries a pair of gloves with him. Peter, what a detailed chap he is, ready for anything.

Ludka has to study, part 2

It is evening, it is happy beer time in a pub. What was that plan again regarding Ludka's exam? This chilly atmosphere has to stop around here and we all know this is going to happen only if I leave. Not like this second, this day is already blown away. Another round please, who knows when is going to be another chance to be part of this great culture Brno scene.

[2016-05-23] Czech Republic: Brno — Olomouc, 800 km

Encouraged to empty the fridge before leaving

Luda wants to be Luda till the end, she tells me to take everything what is left in the fridge before I go. It is getting crowded in this room, we have extra visitors from last night. Maybe this is a rule or something, when someone leaves, another one comes — dude with a dog.
This dog does not give a fuck. Listen to this. Yesterday evening I go brush my teeth, you know, I like to have my teeth clean, it seems appropriate to invest every day a bit of time to maintain your chewing tool. I get back to the room and I find this fuck-free dog chilling on my pillow. No questions asked, just like that.

Phone call from Radek

It is action time, the sun is shining right in front of my face. A good thing is, I have a sun cream somewhere among my stuff, but too lazy to apply it on my face, not the smartest move.
I get a phone call from Radek — a Warmshowers user. He says he is too busy to host me in Ostrava but he is going to arrange for me to have a place to crash on the countryside just before Ostrava — at the place of Iron Man! Mother of God, this sounds thrilling. This man must be tough or maybe he just collects iron?
General Radek gives me very detailed instructions how to get there. I am trying to tell him I have a GPS navigation on my phone so it is enough just to tell me the address. Probably he thinks, you little buddy don't know what you really need and he repeats all the instructions again — directions, road signs, altitude, description of the area. Thank you general, I will do my best to find this spot.

[2016-05-24] Czech Republic: Olomouc — Hlubocec, 880 km

Phone call from Radek, part 2

On the road, phone call — the general: "Did you get instructions I sent you via email?" The general knows how to speak English. This is the second phone call today, I didn't pick up the first time — I have to apologize being too busy cycling. "Where are you now, the forecast says it is going to rain, hurry up!" I report my coordinates and confirm to understand the message.
Situation seems a bit dramatic, not really sure how did that happen. Shift up, more power! I am trying to be faster than the rain but the rain never appears. It is hot as hell, the terrain is up and down, no proper snack, sugar drop in the body and the result is collapse on the grass. Put in the mouth whatever you find, roll into the shadow, rest, give the body time to regenerate.

Vitezslav Dostal aka Ironman aka chief of the village

This must be the right house. There is a guy walking on the backyard, he tells me to come closer. Vitezslav Dostal aka Ironman aka chief of the village stands in front of me. No time to waste, what do I need first — shower, internet, sausages, shot of "slivovica"? He knows this game better than anyone. A quick house introduction, then he lets me have some time for self maintenance. In the evening he is taking me for a beer — there is a local pub few 100 m away.
Ironman is 57 years old, he lives on a farm with wife and three kids of age less than 10. He is the mayor of this area. He says he didn't sign up for the position but people wanted him to have this function.
Why the name Ironman? There are very few places on Earth where he hasn't been with his bike. More than 100 000 km behind him with cycling strategy of doing 150 km every day when the trip is on. Trip for him means at least 5000 km, he made few of those in Europe. The biggest one in his collection is crossing the globe in 1994-97 — distance wise, he made around 60 000 km. Officially the first Czech to cross the planet by bicycle. He is familiar with interviews, magazines, TV and radio shows, his "around the world" bike is kept in museum in Prague, where people were waiting and cheering when he got back from his longest trip.
His gear that time equaled to 35 kg, the electronics used to be quite heavy. No special GPS devices, a simple paper map or not even that, mostly cycling on the main roads, sleeping in tent or taking more comfortable spot, if he got invited. "To cycle long distances, you need a lot of time and little money", says the chief. He started the route Los Angeles — New York with 300 Dollars, which was not really enough. No problem, you stop, find something to work, get a bit of money and continue.
Any bad experiences? In Argentina, a truck driver fell asleep and knocked Ironman out of the road. No serious consequences. Vito started fixing the bike already in the hospital, because there was nothing else to do. He got back on the road in few days. Any extra advice? Vitezslav likes gas stations, this is the place to have a proper and comfortable shit. The chief also advises to approach bigger cities early in the day, when honest and friendly people are on the street. Unknown cities can be tricky, less friendly during the night.

Getting wasted with local chicas

The presentation is over, Vito gets tired, he has to go to work tomorrow. The pub is officially closed, I volunteer to help local girls to make the place look shiny and ready for the next day. Vitezslav does not complicate, he says he is going to leave the door open.
How old are these chicas anyway? Well, does it matter? They don't go to kindergarten anymore. To admit, one looks really juicy, the first one needs more help from mother nature. Wow wow, is this alcohol — some freaky colors inside the bottles. Who is drinking all of that poison, is someone trying to get us drunk? The jukebox is on with the song "Kafana Na Balkanu", followed by "Manta Manta" — fuck me, I know all of these songs. These are all Balkan party / drinking songs. My dance moves are a bit rusty. This drink is not even that bad like it was 15 minutes ago. It's getting hot in here, this chica in front of me is quite hot — she knows it.
She has a boyfriend. What the fuck does she do with a boyfriend, is this even allowed at this age? What, is she already 18? Yeah, she must be around 18 or something. Being 18 is all about experimenting, having a serious boyfriend at this age is a joke. You get robbed of many new potential experiences. Is your boyfriend more like jealous type of a guy? Does he want everything for himself or he likes to share? She is definitely not that innocent, flirting all the time.
Fuck that, let's just finish the bottle, no unnecessary complication. I would still like to have my bike and my teeth tomorrow.

[2016-05-25] Czech Republic: Hlubocec, 880 km

Still smashed from yesterday

I am still smashed, the girls got me drunk yesterday. Chief tries to wake me up in the morning — I keep saying: "Yeah yeah, just five more minutes". He should already have been in the office by now, and not at home, trying to wake me up.
Finally, I realize I am being a prick, pain in the ass towards my host. He is making me a favor, and I am being difficult. Did we really drink so much yesterday, my head wants to explode, damn. Stop being a little girl and get up, it will go away.

Daily trip to the nearest city

Ironman tells me, I can have a trip to the nearest city, it is around 15 km away. It sounds amazing, but hell no, today I am not cycling anywhere — 15 km one way is too much.
The only plan for today is to find the nearest piece of grass and do absolutely nothing.

[2016-05-26] Czech Republic — Poland: Hlubocec — Kobielice, 985 km

Mayor's office

Fresh like a toothpaste. Morning schedule, instructed by the chief: alarm at 6:30, breakfast at 7:00, action at 7:30. He brings me a notebook and asks me to write something in Slovene language. There are already writings in English, French, Hebrew — all from his cycling guests — it looks like this is quite a busy spot.
"Do you want to see my office before you go?" I have seen the house, the village, I have checked the pub, why skip mayor's office. We take pictures together, I get a diploma, signed by Ironman, he also wants to give me 200 Czech Crowns to have lunch on the way. I don't really want to take the money, but he insists. I guess this cycling image rises a lot of memories and he sees himself in my role. He thanks me for being his guest.
I am already on the bike, I turn back to him: "So, what is better, being a mayor in the office or cycling?" He just smiles, we both know the answer.

Crossing to Poland

Poland should start somewhere here soon. Forest, farmer fields around me, train track on the right, where does the road continue? Shall I go across the fields or use this abandoned train track? What is this noise, it is getting louder and louder. Sounds like a train — yes, it is a train. This abandoned track seems quite active. Good call, I didn't go up there with my bike.

Open hut camping, annoying dog barking

Where to camp tonight? The sky looks dark, maybe find a space under one little roof? They are building a new house over there, next to it stands an open hut — perfect. I have a roof, stuff to put on the floor, wind protector and — "woof, woof" — fucking hell, nobody asked for annoying dog.
This little bastard wants to let everybody know someone is in the hut. Come on buddy, let's be friends, you can bark some other day. This is just great, the neighbors also have a barking device which just got activated — by device, I mean another dog. I hope these dogs get tired soon and we can all have a restful night.

[2016-05-27] Poland: Kobielice — Krakow, 1105 km

Lady brings me tea early in the morning

I was dreaming about dogs having a gathering around me, barking. It is 6 am, nobody is here yet, let's get stuff on the bike and get out of here. Why is it so cold this morning, it looks foggy around me, brrr. This goes here, that goes there — still dogs in my head, now these little bastards are all sleeping.
Shit, someone just got out of the house and started approaching me. I assume, I am going to get lectured about how you don't invade someone's private property like that. Let's just listen, smile, get my crap on the bike and leave. The person is a female — she is holding a bag in her hand, and one cup? I am confused. She starts with Polish — which button to press to change the language? She doesn't seem upset, what is this deal about? "I have seen you yesterday already, from the window. I brought you something for breakfast and a cup of tea. I wish you a pleasant journey", she smiles and goes back to the house.
You have to be kidding me, this woman deserves a medal for kindness, Polish version of mother Teresa. This was completely unexpected, people can truly be awesome. This cold morning is registered as one of the warmest moments of the trip so far.

Power nap at football pitch

It is a very hot day, maybe take a snack break, power nap? A football pitch seems appropriate for this occasion. Look at these guys, a team of three mowing the grass. Each of them has a different machine in his hand, they all look very professional, competing who is going to be louder. That's fine with me, I fall asleep, take a nap easily.

[2016-05-28] — [2016-05-29] Poland: Krakow, 1105 km

Host Iwo

Iwo and his family are my Krakow host. Iwo wears a shirt: 6. congress of mathematics. Yap, Iwo likes math, he studied mathematics at university. Works as a developer, playing around with codes and commands. He likes to cycle, hike, does not drink alcohol and does not care about fiestas too much.
Iwo has few cycling expeditions behind him, he has been to some very rural parts of Russia (using old army maps). He cycled to Nordkapp, twice already. Two short lessons from Iwo, about Nordkapp journey: Finland is all about lakes and forests; Poland is like a doughnut, boring, flat in the middle with mountains and other interesting features around.

Cruising around Krakow center

Chilly and relaxed atmosphere, as a guest I always try to adopt lifestyle of the current host. You know, observe, learn, compare and try to understand what is going on — no cultural shocks so far, this is all Europe. I go check Krakow center by myself. Crowded like any other city, not too big, it seems you can manage it daily by bicycle, you don't need an hour or two to get from one side to another.

[2016-05-30] Poland: Krakow — Jedrzejow, 1200 km

Gypsies want cash for fuel

While riding, a car approaches me from behind. I see German registration plate — maybe a word of this cycling trip has reached Germany and now these fellows want to be part of it, probably they want to take a picture together or something.
Not really. Dude from the car is asking for fuel money, what a gypsy scene. Are you freaking serious? You ride like a boss in a car, I am sweating on a cheap bike like a pig and you are the one asking me for money? My friend, if you can't afford to buy fuel, go dig for it or ride a bike. He insists, he wants to trade his cheap jewelry for some paper. Can I eat this shit? No, not interested then, please remove yourself.
Buddy, I am sure your daily budget is bigger than mine — if someone should be giving the money away, it should be the opposite. When you see me riding a heavy chopper, then we can talk again. "But where do you sleep?", is asking one baba from behind — don't ask me what this language is we communicate in. Very good observation, slowly they are getting it — I am just a cheap cyclist — I can throw away my time, but not my money. I am glad for this old woman, it seems she still has natural teeth in her mouth. At the end, we all agree this is not going anywhere — we shake hands, goodbye. Next time we meet, the coffee is on me.

Rear tyre gets fucked

What is this sound? Probably nothing, it will go away. It doesn't go away. It seems there might be a technical problem with the bicycle, let's stop and have a look. The rear tyre is — what would appropriate technical expression be — optically fucked, it rubs against braking pads.
I am taking the rear braking system apart, no more rubbing. Luckily, center of Poland is flat — no downhill — everything should be fine with only front brake working.

[2016-05-31] Poland: Jedrzejow — Warsaw, 1405 km

200 km in a day

Today I am testing what this machine is capable of. Start at 7:00 in the morning, I reach 100 km mark until lunch time at 13:00, followed by one-two hour break — I don't want to ride when the sun goes full power. First cycling crisis at 130 km — the body politely says, please insert some sugar. The second crisis at 170 km, please insert some more sugar. The measuring devices say 205 km when I reach suburbs of Warsaw at 20:00. Summer days are very long, there is still light to keep on going but this would mean passing the capital without meeting any new people and that's not the point.
This was a good training for my ass, it is hard as a rock. When is the last time I had a chance to wash my hands — fixing the chain, having dinner, picking my nose, washing my teeth — all these activities without a proper hand wash. I am on a cycling adventure — this is all good, all normal, all acceptable, all part of the game.

[2016-06-01] — [2016-06-07] Poland: Warsaw, 1405 km

Full day at Mcdonald's

Wake up, there is office work that needs to be done. It was raining in the night, this shit is all wet. One mama passes by my tent, she is running to pick up some salad. I am surprised to see her so early, she is definitively surprised to see random bike and tent on her backyard. No drama, we both mind our own business, all good.
I am cycling towards the center, first Mcdonald's I see is going to be my office base. It doesn't look good online with my potential hosts, everybody is out of the city or they are just giving me random excuses. It's their loss to skip this chance of meeting ninja cycling kamikaza. It would be nice at least to wash clothes, it is all rotten. I spend all day in Mcoffice, dealing with bureaucracy, updating my diary. In the evening, I crash 200 m away, good enough spot for camping behind a company building. If someone asks, I am the overnight security.

Gala Couchsurfing event

You are not going to believe, but I stink like hell. There is a Couchsurfing meeting in the evening, maybe go and see what is going on over there. I have some stuff to do during the day: find a bike shop to fix my rear tyre; have a city tour to get some feeling about Warsaw; find a shopping mall and public facilities to refresh myself.
Boom, I just crashed the party. It's a bit annoying if you don't have a temporary base, moving around with all the luggage on the bike. I ask the waiter if it is OK to throw my stuff behind the bar, now everybody knows there is a smelly vagabond in the house. I tried to take a shower in the sink this morning in the mall, not sure if that made it any better.
This looks a very sophisticated event, what is the deal with shirts, blazers and all this shiny clothes? Is this a traveler meeting or some kind of gala event? Don't be like this bro, some people like to wear fancy crap, don't judge straight from the beginning, give them a chance. People seem quite shy, they don't talk a lot, there is a hottie and few hunters around, good luck with that.
What else to do, I open a cycling discussion. Well, not so much of a discussion — more like a monologue, I talk and they listen. I wonder if someone will get the implied message that I could use a place to crash. I mean, this is a Couchsurfing meeting, right? Someone has to surf the couch — provide the couch and I will be happy to surf it. No no, I could talk for days, it doesn't ring any bell. Thank you for your stories, thank you for your knowledge, thank you for sharing with us Žiga, you are such a kind guy. This event is now over, ciaos, thank you for coming. Guys, thank you for all the "thank-yous" and thank you for listening, you clueless bastards. Better than nothing, at least I have something to bitch about.
Back to the camping spot behind the company, behind Mcdonald's. Polish police stops me on the way back and asks if there was alcohol involved this evening. Buddy, I wish there was, you got any? They want to make a test on me, the device says zero and my face says fuck off. I don't know, I am in a strange mood.

Polish pilot Przemek

Three nights in the city behind, camping. It seems there is one thing in my head, that I have to get to someone's apartment before moving on. I receive a message from a Polish pilot, I am welcome to come for one night. Finally someone who is not out of town or too busy to live. He is 38 years old, lives with his wife, who is 25; it seems like a nice ratio, they look cute together.
Przemek is really kind and calm dude, when you talk to him, it looks like he knows stuff, he doesn't talk just to produce sounds. He shares his half dream, half plan of cycling to Asia, which never happened due to all of the things going on in his life — going for a pilot career, girlfriend who is now also being pregnant, getting an apartment, and so on. Yeah, long distance cycling is all in or nothing deal, unfortunately you can't be at two or three places at the same time. Well, very soon Przemek is going to become a father, he will get injected with new feelings. The question is, does the wild spirit go away then or it waits deep down in your soul waiting like a bomb to explode?

Story about Chinese ninja

He shares the story about hosting one guy from China, who was doing "around the world" bike trip a year ago. Chinese pal got tired of his job, which was about doing the same moves every day — he got tired of it and went for the trip. They communicated via Google translate in person, practically zero English skills from the Chinese. But dude was unstoppable — equipped with candies, high tech computer, got robbed somewhere in south America — it didn't scare him.
He flew to China to get another bike and equipment, flew back to the same point where he got robbed, to finish what he started. What a fucking Chinese ninja, you don't want to mess with this one.

Vegan burger

We make an evening city ride, together with Przemek, stopping for a vegan burger. This is good stuff, is this really without meat? He says, originally he used to eat meat, had stomach problems, tried "no meat" experiment — his body felt better and this is how he became vegetarian. This is interesting, maybe worth trying one day?

Oleksandr aka Sashko from Ukraine

It is saturday, I am homeless again, Przemek was one night deal. Am I ready to go back on the bike? My intuition says, I should have more of Warsaw air. Let's send a message to Oleksandr, a chap I met at Couchsurfing meeting, he seemed cool, casual, relaxed.
This guy is great, full of energy, always in motion, always ready for action. He comes from Ukraine, studies in Warsaw. Nobody knows what this school is about, it is written "management" on the building; it seems this is a machine to produce future leaders. In the dormitory of this school, 80 % of students come from Ukraine and Belarus, Polish students are in minor. Sashko says Poland is close, no bulk bureaucracy involved, much better standard compared to his homeland.
In Ukraine, you are lucky if your salary reaches 100 Euro per month — 50 goes for rent, 50 for food. He adds, chicas back at home, they hunt for dudes from Europe. Ladies will fight, beg for a penis with European passport — just don't leave them behind, take them to the dream land, where money grows on trees and food grows in drawers.

Too cheap for tram

It is a bit annoying, because Sashko and his gang, they don't use bikes to cruise inside the city, they use public transport. There is one thing in particular I don't like about buses and trams. They can be fun and comfy, all true, but you have to pay for it, like every freaking ride. One, two Euros per ride — and if you go one way, you also need to come back, this means double the money. Another thing, they don't use Euro currency, you need to fuck around with Zloty coins.
Paying for the transport is not part of strategy of this expedition — bike for transport, tent for sleep, money for food and alcohol. It might sound unreasonable, but these few principles are somehow embedded in my head. It is no problem paying 10-20 Euro for round in a bar, but it hurts paying 1-2 Euro for the tram. What is the freaking bike for, use it!
We are on the tram and I am an illegal passenger. Boys, if the shit goes down, act like you don't know me and I am going to act like a cheap ignorant bastard from Balkan. The public transport system is like — nobody is going to check on you every ride, but if it is your lucky day, a conductor comes up and checks on everybody. If you blackride, you get a 40 Euro fine.
Ta dam, magic, a conductor comes up on the tram. I give him the ticket from yesterday, acting casual. "Oouu noo, the ticket I bought yesterday, is not valid for 24 hours? What a silly me!" I can see in his eyes, he must listen to similar crap stories like this one 50 times per day — if he could, he would throw me out of the tram, via closed window. As identity card, I show him my snowboard instructor licence, which provides limited info.
He follows the procedure and gives me 40 Euro ticket. Thank you for this piece of paper, it will serve as the tram ride memory. He is still next to me and says: "Because you are not from here, you have to pay now". Oh buddy, don't be like this, my budget is only for food and alco, have you not been listening? I would be happy to buy you a beer, but please don't force me to pay 40 Euro for this ride. Mr conductor, what happens if I don't have 40 Euro to pay? He says, he is going to call the police, embassy and who knows what else, maybe Polish army. This is ridiculous, nobody is even going to pick up the phone because of 40 Euro fine. I continue being a prick, basically I have unlimited amount of time to blow. I insist I got no money, so let's call the tough guys.
Few centuries ago, I would probably have already gotten shot by now. My friend, the conductor, picks up the phone, talks for few minutes, then says: "Do you have at least money to pay for the normal ticket?" The answer is always somewhere in the middle. I check my pocket for coins and give him the money for a single one way ticket. The situation is settled, he goes left, I go right. I guess I am not meeting the guys from the the embassy.

[2016-06-08] Poland: Warsaw — Dzierzenin, 1460 km

Getting Sashko's room for one night

Sashko left Warsaw yesterday in the evening, he has business to do in Vienna. I have his room, sharing with a Polish fellow. This is a good moment to update my diary notes before going back on the bike. It is important to do this regularly, while the memory is still fresh. I am learning what is the best way to combine living, cycling, writing. What I know already, you need to be alone if you want to put few sentences together. Your mind is not on the paper if you have people around you.

[2016-06-09] Poland: Dzierzenin — Gorki, 1580 km

Archie looks like out of minefield

Back to full day cycling rhythm. I meet Archie on the road, 20 years of age, from England. This dude is true street represent, he looks dirty from head to toe like he just came out of the minefield. He wears that yellow shiny vest like construction workers to be more visible, what is actually not a bad idea. His planned route is Russia, Moscow — England, Cambridge.
I would say he is a very advanced chap for his age. When I was 20, I didn't have the guts to go out of Slovenia borders. I ask the English fellow what is the situation with roads in Russia. The main road is OK, but this is usually the highway, so it is not for cyclists. Side roads are less OK, they are bumpy, good for tractors and good to break your bike. Archie broke his rear tyre ring over there in his first days of cycling. He has three weeks left to get home, to catch a trip to St Tropez with his buddies. I am sure this will be nice change of the environment — throw the bike into the basement, where the ladies at?

Lousy "pašteta" tastes delicious

This was a nice cycling day. I find an area of freshly cut grass, a perfect spot for camping. I am absolutely starving. There is one "pašteta" left in a can, I bought in Czech Republic. I was avoiding it, I bought several. Not really the best taste I have ever tried, but it is fucking delicious today.

[2016-06-10] Poland: Gorki — Pomorze, 1710 km

Yugoslavia and Josip Broz Tito

I am about to start my day on the bike, when three fellows show out of nowhere. I can smell hardcore liquor. Or maybe they just use hardcore toothpaste for brushing their teeth. We start debating — they speak in Polish, I speak in all the languages I know — nobody knows what we are talking about and nobody really cares. The important part is we became friends and had a little gathering. We conclude with Yugoslavia and Josip Broz Tito.

Up and down in sporty Volkswagen Passat

15 km before Lithuanian border, I stop next to the road, to have some bread and cheese, I am starving. One dude drives up and down with his Volkswagen Passat. The car has a very sporty sound, is this "Akrapovič" exhaust system? The guy is unstoppable, he doesn't hold back, it is his fourth time passing the crossroad.
The car stops, driver's window goes down, I can see there is one "čiča" inside. One hand on the wheel, he is lying on the sit like he is sunbathing on the beach. The boss asks me if I want to have a coffee. This is a bit of surprise, usually people don't stop to invite me for a coffee, normally I am the one bugging people with random requests and wishes. I take a moment to scan my new pal, to have a thought about the situation, I just got in.
What could possibly go wrong? This racer looks bored and lonely to me, he could use some company. What the hell, let's go for the coffee and see rest of the story.

Awkward evening with Leszek

The boss lives not far away, I follow his car with my bike. My predictions were quite on the spot. Leszek Puchowski got married at 18, got divorced at 30. His wife left him, his only son moved to England, one brother died, two sisters got married and moved away. My new pal lives alone on the farm with 20 cows, chickens, geese and eight dogs. Geese are living in the kitchen, dogs are moving around freely, they are allowed to crap and eat inside the living room. Right now, I have three sitting on my lap, one is having a shit on the carpet — next to television — my coffee host doesn't even notice. I wonder, when was the last time another guest stepped inside this house. I got nothing to say against his hospitality: a very kind man, there is coffee, ham, bread, strawberries, biscuits on the table, beer in my hand.
It is getting dark outside, I start wondering if I should go and look for a camping spot. It seems Leszek can read my mind, because few moments later, he says I can stay overnight if I want to. Hmm, very kind gesture. The thing is, the atmosphere is a bit creepy from time to time. Discussion is strictly narrowed to sex, fucking, sex and fucking, sex-fucking, sex-fucking stories, hookers, homosexuals, penises, penis expressions in different languages, porn, methods how to measure length of your penis without extra tools.
He shares a story about going to Vilnius and something about "dvadecet devet huj". I don't understand rest of the story, maybe it is better not to. He talks in Polish all evening, I try to decode what he is talking about, based on Slovene-Polish language similarities, hand-face gestures, and pictures he shows to me. The Vilnius story is something about 29 cm long dick. "Huj" is a Polish word for penis, we have graphical material, he shows me in one of his magazines. But wait, 29 cm of length? Are we talking about horses in Vilnius? I get lost.
Occasionally, I try to redirect discussion to some other topic; for example there is live football on television. Fifa Euro 2016 — one team scores. I show it with my finger, look what just happened, the commentator goes: "Goooooool, gol, gol, gol, golasooooo". Nothing, Passat racer is not amused, fuck football. He continues with presentation of his porn magazines; then he shows me his personal computer, which is used only to watch porn. The boss simply doesn't know what else to talk about. He is only human, he needs other company than cows and geese.
I decide to stay overnight, there is no reason to be scared of my new friend. He shows me the room where to sleep, it is packed full of random crap, that is alright. I notice some old windows among the stuff — just in case, let's lean them towards the door — if someone tries to enter my room in middle of the night, they will smash and wake me up.

[2016-06-11] Poland — Lithuania: Pomorze — Kalviai, 1830 km

Farmer's morning ritual

Leszek wakes up at 4 am to take care of the animals — the cows are out on the field thirsty — he comes back at 6 am, this is his daily summer ritual. When I get out of the room, television is already on, the food from yesterday is back on the living room table; my friend is sitting on the couch with the dogs around him. Mother of God, a day has too many hours, he has all the time in the world, but zero ideas what to do with it.
No doubt, there is a lot of work to be done on the farm — fuck, I don't know what to think of this situation, this is pretty hard to watch. This must be the place where nothing ever happens, definitely he needs something more than dogs crapping on the carpet and porn magazines. I mean, it is better than nothing, but you can't force it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week like a liquor store. I am going to take the address to send my buddy a postcard from final destination of my trip, maybe that will bring some light to his brain and he is going to become scientist, world traveler or violine virtuous.

Drivers are pissing me off

Crossing the border, Lietuvos Respublika, here I am. It is supposed to be sunny today, but all I can see is rain and wind — plus, the drivers are pissing me off. I understand, the road is narrow, people are in hurry and tired, driving home to have lunch, smack girlfriend's ass — and then there is one slow cyclist blocking their way. Guys, as I said, I understand. What you need to understand: the road is wet and slippery, this means bad traction with these tiny tyres — with a little help of wind, I can easily end up under your car. This means: "Can I get some fucking space on this fucking road please!?"
The road is full of Formula 1 racers, they go full speed, few centimeters away from me when passing by — even if the opposite lane is completely free. Boss, why don't you use the space, if it is available? If the opposite lane is free, use it to pass by — this is how you respect space of the cyclist.
If there are cars on another side — boss, you have to wait to overtake. If the road is wide enough, and the traffic is really busy, a cyclist might move more to the right and give you the signal to slowly pass by. This means you slowly pass by with the vehicle, making sure you don't push the cyclist off the road. You buy him a beer next time, because this is not his duty. It is a shared equal road, he is being kind enough to let you use his space.

Drying clothes in shopping center

Three hours in shopping center to dry my clothes, hide from the rain and wait for better times to come. It would be the best also to take off the underwear, maybe not in middle of the mall, let's use the toilet. Not a lot happening here — wait, there might be a cutie. Yap, one cutie spotted: she sells balloons. The balloons look fine, the store is small, she looks fine, she looks better than balloons.
This drying clothes experience is not that bad, I like it. I should go ask something — I wonder how she sounds, how does Lithuanian sound? I think the clock zone changes here, this is a bit more east compared to where I started — maybe this could be our conversation topic. Her English is so so, good enough for this place, it doesn't look very international. She is about to close the store, I will let her do her job. My business is done in this shopping mall — no more patience — the clothes will not get dry even if I stay until tomorrow.

Via open fence, straight under the roof

It is 11 degrees Celsius outside — clouds moved away, sun appears, no vehicles on the road — good moment to be on the bike. Quick map check on the phone, what does the GPS say. It looks I am not where I thought I was, I could cross here and get to the parallel connection. Crap, this road is getting worse and worse, it feels like riding on sand full of water, a lot of effort to pedal and no movement. This must be how a horse feels when plowing a field. The weather gets worse, it is about to start raining again. Too much of cycling in rain today, I am not ready to get wet again.
There is one village on left, if it is a village, there must also be a roof — exactly what I need to stay dry. All the houses have a fence — what is this, a military base? The first house I see with the open fence, go straight under the roof without any questions. Sooner or later someone should appear and we will have to solve this situation somehow. Young fellow shows up, he was chilling in a car? I try to explain how I got here — if I could spend the night somewhere here, it would be great — I am showing him my tent. No problem, the Lithuanian shows me the backyard, saying I can camp anywhere, and goes to the house. Great. I got what I wanted, wet grass to camp on.
I believe there was a misunderstanding, the gesture of showing my tent means I would like to crash in a place where it is dry and warm, possibly in your living room. While looking around for other dry alternatives — this garage could also work, it is a bit dirty and dusty but who cares so am I — the owner of the house appears. Please select the language, I offer two variables: English, German — he votes for Russian. Few decades ago, this was all mother Russia, people still breath Russki. Slovene vs Russian (un)similarities: I can get some basics, but it is tricky, there are words sounding the same but with different meaning. In situation like this, I start talking in all the languages I know, in all the languages I don't know, making up new words, using the hands.
The boss was not born yesterday, he knows how to handle language barriers, he speaks the universal body language. He implies to follow him inside the house, warms up the soup that is left from lunch and shows me the bed where I can spend the night. This is what I am talking about, much better than backyard.

[2016-06-12] Lithuania: Kalviai — Vilnius, 1910 km

Testing no label schnaps

This house has old school features: (1) "na štrbunk" toilet — system without running water, the seat is usually made of wood, the load produced by your ass, stays where it hits the ground — has to be emptied manually; (2) underground water — no automatic system, you have to pump the water up to the surface using your hands.
I get something to chew for breakfast, meanwhile neighbour appears with a bottle — home made stuff without any label. Is it juice? No, it is not juice, it is something that kills all the bacteria in your mouth. If you keep drinking, it will also kill your brain. My older fellows are not kidding, it seems they have a vision of emptying the bottle until noon. After three rounds, I have to step out of the game, today's schedule says cycling, not drinking until you get smashed. Thank you boss for everything, this is the experience worth using memory space in my brain.

Trakai

My route goes very close to Trakai — first historical capital, famous touristic attraction today. I get recommended to check it out, if there is a chance. It is a lake with little islands, with a castle, and tons of restaurants — it reminds me of Bled in Slovenia. Definitively a nice place, but very expensive and too crowded.

Edita and Robert via Nordkapp

I reach Vilnius in the afternoon, I managed to find hosts via Warmshowers in advance — this platform can really be comfortable. Everybody knows the deal, everybody knows one foreign language — no mystery, no surprises, it is like coming to your own living room.
Edita and Robert — a couple — are around 30 years old, they are both computer programmers. In the year of 2014, they cycled to Nordkapp — I had no idea this is such a popular destination, who hasn't been there already? Their strategy was: avoiding civilization as much as possible, making fire twice a day, fishing, washing clothes in water, having long breakfasts with coffee, they were not doing more than 80 kilometers per day.
I guess this is how it looks like, if you go for long distance cycling in pair — you see how you function when you got somebody nonstop behind your neck. As solo rider, you are on your own most of the time, it is kind of learning experience about yourself. You are more open to get input from the environment, while in pair you are mainly focused on each other.

Edita and Robert via south Africa

The Nordkapp trip was just preparation for Edita and Robert, the main plan was to go hitchhiking from north to south — continent of Africa. They went for it, did Egypt — Sudan — Ethiopia; then it was enough. People are very pushy, they want to sell you everything. When Africans see a white person — they see Dollar figures, they assume you have a lot of money.
Robert admits, he doesn't like to interact with people too much, maximum limit is few hours per day — African people were extremely tiring for him. Finally, they did not hitchhike a lot, because there were simply no cars, they used public transport instead. Africa definitively sounds like an adventure, this must be next level shit, more raw, no fancy infrastructure.

[2016-06-13] — [2016-06-14] Lithuania: Vilnius, 1910 km

Fixing the rear tyre

The main aim of this checkpoint is to get my bike fixed. The rear tyre ring rotates out of the surface, it is annoying, slow and dangerous. Instead of watching the road in front, I look at the rear tyre and wonder how long this is going to last. It is the problem I have still from Poland — what the guys did there in the workshop was a temporary solution. The rear tyre got wrecked again when passing over the first train track.
Rob advises me which bike shop to go to. The rear ring is in a bad shape — you could change few individual spokes and pray for it to work or change the entire rim, which is more expensive but safer. We go for the second option, the deal for 52,80 Euro includes new rim, 36 spokes and montage. We talk a bit more with the bike maestro, he shows me one light Czech patent that removes bike cassette — normally the tool for this is big and heavy.
Sometimes you need to remove the cassette — it is in your way — if you want to change particular spoke, it depends on location of the broken spoke. Since I am on a shopping spree, I take five additional reserve spokes, light tool for cassette removal, spoke wrench — and give him extra 14 Euro. He says it is good to tighten the spokes from time to time. With some feeling and practice, you can do it by yourself. To translate, you have to fuck up few times, this is how you practice, this is how you get a feeling — then you slowly become "tighten the spoke" maestro.

[2016-06-15] Lithuania: Vilnius — Pamusis, 2015 km

Secondary roads are not cycling friendly

As soon as you go for local, less traffic roads, you get a road that feels like wet sand. It looks like the Lithuanians cover only main connections with asphalt. Lesson learned, I don't leave the main road anymore, because this sandy surface is killing me and the bike. It rains in intervals of 20 minutes on and off all day long. There have to be gray days like these, so you appreciate more the good stuff, when time for good stuff comes.

Urinated bus stop

I pick something that looks like a bus stop, to spend the rainy night — it is located in the middle of the village. It is 11 pm and I am waiting for the night to come, the light doesn't want to go away. I set up my tent in the corner, it smells of piss. Whatever, I am too tired to be bothered by this, it could be worse, for example few loads of shit lying around.

[2016-06-16] Lithuania: Pamusis — Namisiai, 2150 km

Locals are checking me out

Time to wake up; not the best sleep I have ever had. The smell of pee got hooked not so much in my nose, but rather in my head. You hear something — it reminds you of pee; you can't sleep — again, pee in your head. Tent is small, you can't move around, wet clothes — damn it, all just because of that pee.
The sun turns on, let's dry the clothes before moving on, all wet and rotten from yesterday. It seems the news of someone camping at the bus stop, spread around, because people come and look at me every 20 minutes. It feels like being in a zoo, and I am the one in the cage. Someone else sees a business opportunity here? We should get someone to stand at the entry and sell the tickets.
First visitor comes at 6 am, he must have heard the show is really good and wants to secure the first row. Grandpa I am sorry, but this is too early to shoot jokes. I have no idea what you are talking about, is this Lithuanian? Two options: provide some homemade salami — and we can be friends — or go talk to someone else.
Grandpa leaves, grandma comes. She holds one giant milk can with her hands, she didn't come for the show. This grandma is more capitalistic oriented, she wants to do business, she would like to sell me milk. Oh, I open my wallet only once per week — plus, where should I store it? Later on I realise, it wouldn't hurt me to spend few bucks to support local grandma. Stupid modern kids, we prefer blowing money for the food off the shelf in big supermarkets.
My last visitors are kids, age from kindergarten to primary school, no college bitches / ladies. I wonder why nobody is in school, then I realise the school vacation already started — that's why these kids have time to jump around my base. It is all about digital devices and social media now, when growing up. They want to add me on Facebook — yeah, let's chat later, good idea. They know few words in English. I check — they can count to ten.

Minding my own business in a local park

Another day of unpredictable weather: you arrive at the store to buy snacks, you get out of the store, you see rain that came out of nowhere. Just before Lithuanian-Latvian border, I see a park with mini lake — it seems a good spot to spend the night, write few sentences in peace and get rest for tomorrow.
What am I thinking, this is a park. The houses are not far away, it is more traffic here than in a supermarket. Kids come to play basketball, to drive with scooter / moped / bicycle, secretly smoke a cigarette; people come to walk a dog — and so on, you get the picture. Here I am, minding my own business — two "professors" arrive, they might have had a drink or two, or five.
One doesn't wear any shirt, he decides he is going to show me few boxing moves. Not on me — but you know, like a lecture, he wants to teach me. Another one offers cigarettes — what the hell, let's smoke one to confirm our friendship. Nobody has a lighter — typical — this causes a lot of inner frustration, one of them starts kicking a tree and leaves the scene talking to himself. The nonsmoker stays and starts explaining his life principles: drinking is okay, but smoking is not okay, he doesn't support it. I start nodding, to show how much I agree with his life philosophy — forgetting I still have a cigarette in my mouth.
His wife comes, she looks furious — it looks like she doesn't support drinking and vagabonding around. A bit of arguing, "go home" debate, suddenly I become a referee of the situation: everybody please calm down, save the energy for better occasion. We all go home to their house, which is not far away, my friend doesn't want to leave me alone in the park, it is supposed to be dangerous. I don't know who is saving who, if you ask me — he doesn't want to go home alone with his wife.
We get to their house, the carnival is still on, my friend wants me to crash in the living room. The woman is completely freaked out and scared, because there are small kids in the house — I am a stranger, I might harm them, send them to the Moon, or whatever. On top of everything, an annoying dog is barking like crazy behind the house — so much of drama for nothing.
I convince them both to go inside the house; I will be fine, I can sleep outside at the backyard. You, Mr Doggo, please turn off the voice, relax, it is quiet time. I cannot set up my tent, because material under the grass is hard rock, not earth. One hour extra to spend, making circles around the house, trying to locate a soft spot of surface to camp on. Am I camping here or searching / drilling for gas?

[2016-06-17] Lithuania — Latvia: Namisiai — Riga, 2250 km

Night Ride Riga

It is almost 10 pm, when I reach Riga center. I am in contact with few people over the web — Warmshowers, Facebook — playing pink ponk with messages. The annoying side of online traveling: there are always plenty of options, plenty of users, plenty of curious people, but only few of them or nobody is really up for the game. With other words, online world is a lot of bla bla, but little or no action. I am asking myself, is it worth the trouble of so many messages, when you can just camp wherever, ring a bell at random house, talk to people on the streets, no bullshitting over the internet.
Anyway, I find out, there is "Night Ride Riga" event every friday at 10 pm, when enthusiastic cyclists get together, go for a ride, possibly drink beer. I am late trying to find the start point, when I see few light arrows on the opposite side going full speed. This could be the folks I am looking for — I start following them. They are fresh, probably napping all the afternoon, I struggle to keep the pace with my fat bike. No idea what the procedure is — cycle along and see what happens. "Oh, are you the guy from Facebook?" — I was spamming their online event with my messages earlier in the day. Good, I don't have to introduce myself, they know the situation.
I thought this was supposed to be a short city ride. These kids are not messing around, we make a massive circle: around the city, around the airport, around nobody knows where — gang, are we still in Latvia? The measurement devices say 100 kilometers to get to Riga from Lithuania in the morning — we make extra 40 km during the night ride. Damn, no wonder I am so tired and sleepy. It is 2 in the morning when we reach center of the city again.
All the online guys I was chatting with, who were offering the couch, are offline by now, that train has left before even arrived. The core of the Night Ride team is still here, why worry about where to sleep, if you can go for a beer with your new buddies. Our meeting goes on until 6 am, there is also a tiny bit of alcohol involved. Who doesn't like when things just happen. This is what I am talking about, this is why you go for a cycling trip. It is great, it is 6 am and I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

[2016-06-18] — [2016-06-26] Latvia: Riga, 2250 km

About Riga

The initial plan was: stay in Riga for the weekend. If you meet cool people, why leave after two, three days — you stay 10 days, everybody gets a bit tired of you, then you leave. Riga has a strong cycling community. Not a long time ago, they celebrated "Night Ride" number 100. Everybody is welcome to join — every friday at 10 pm — this goes on throughout all the year, just bring your bike.
Nice landscape for cyclists around here: you can ride to the sea, to the river, or have a swim in one of them many lakes. Big minus: no mountains, everything is flat. Baltic Sea is wet and salty like any other sea — colder due to it's geographical position. Huge Daugava river separates Riga into two parts. For me, it is quite fascinating to see those big bridges, massive constructions, connecting both parts.

Weekend at Krišjanis'

First weekend, Krišjanis is the man, who is kind enough to take me under the roof. He is 24 years old, just started working at radio and television as sound master. Plays in a band, he has a trumpet, pretty chill and active dude, who goes for "what he wants" in his life. He lives straight in the center, I love the apartment.
City center: always problem with the space, you are limited with dimensions. Buildings and apartments are made, to use all the volume available. You open a drawer — there is toilet inside; you are in the kitchen — you stand right in the middle of the shower, which is also the living room. Super effective, everything is at your hand. Who wants to live in a castle, where you need half an hour train ride to get from one room to another.

Dace lives in a house

We all need our own space, one weekend at Krišjanis' is enough — let him breathe, he seems busy, has stuff to do. Maybe wants to bring a female friend over, and then there is me in middle of the room, scratching my ass. I am not ready to leave Riga behind, I want to bother another person for few more days, maybe someone with more space available.
We hangout, I meet Dace — she seems cool, someone who doesn't complicate in life. "Hey Dace, do you live in a house?" She already knows the story: bike, tent, camping. She knows, I have minimum requirements and I am looking for another place to crash. Couch, floor, chair, grass, closet, toilet, shower — I am not in the position to be picky, anything will do the job. Dace belongs to cool people, she does live in a house with her family, 17 km away from the center. I am welcome to stay for a couple of days. She warns me about her mama, who always pushes people to eat the food she prepared — fuck me, unlimited food, this sounds like a dreamland.
Dace just finished first degree of college. During the summer, she works in ethnographic open air museum — wow, fancy words. If I get this right, the museum wants to show you, how people used to construct houses in the past for living and working purposes. The job is excellent for a student. Dace watches the birds on the trees, pretends to look busy, writes something in a notebook every once in a while, deals with the keys, wears a label around her neck to represent the staff. At the end of the month, she gets paid.

Kristaps drinks coffee like water

Another core member of the gang is Kristaps. He is close to 30 years of age, interested in everything, that exist on the planet: fixing cars, computers, skating, roller skating, cycling, painting, and so on. He is not interested in sleeping though; this guy never sleeps. Kristaps drinks coffee all the time. When Night Ride is on, the crew always stops at the gas station, he takes one coffee to go. It doesn't matter, if it is 11 pm — nobody is going to tell him, you are supposed to drink coffee only in the morning. Either coffee or energy drink. He has it distributed on his bike, in his car, in the pockets, everywhere.
Kristaps doesn't want to waste time to sleep, but he loves short effective power naps. Nothing to do for 5 minutes — nap on the table; waiting for someone — nap in the car; nothing to do at work — nap behind the machine. Mr Kristaps is a huge fan of flip flops. He describes his footwear as universal shoes — go cycle, go to the beach, go skating, go sky diving — this is what you wear on your feet.

Riga, paldies!

What more to say. Riga feels like one of those books of five friends — four kids and a dog — exploring everything around them. We got no dog here though. Bicycles, skates, making plans, food shopping, snacks, sea, lakes, rivers, old Soviet Union bunkers, towers, night rides, trampoline, street, turtles, flip flops. I call this a successful Latvian adventure. Riga, paldies!

[2016-06-27] Latvia: Riga — Kuivizi, 2360 km

Dace's mother is the best

Dace's mother prepares huge breakfast, she is the best. She talks to me in Latvian-Ruski all the time, even though she knows I hardly catch a word or two. It is family picture time — more time you stay at one place, harder it is to leave. This is not the moment to get too emotional. If I want to continue the trip, I have to set up my brain back to cycle mode, there is no other way.
One more ride to museum together with Dace. Stay cool kid, keep helping random cyclists on the road, don't grow up into annoying adult with too much of responsibilities. Step by step, eat only as much as you can poop.

Seba has a foldable bike

What is this ninja doing? We have a cyclist in front of me, with one of those bikes, where you don't sit but you lie down and cycle like you are watching a movie on the couch. I catch on him, ask if he wants a cookie. His name is Sebastian, but I can call him Seba. Bundesliga haircut, it reminds me of German class back in highschool — kein Geld fur Irokese — random flashbacks, never mind.
Seba is going to be on the bike for three weeks, then goes back to his country, where he keeps the streets safe and disciplined. The bike he rides, costs up to 5000 Euro, can be folded — easy to take on the bus / train. It has smaller wheels, it is slightly slower compared to regular bikes. While we talk, we ride in parallel, which drivers absolutely hate — the horns, sounds come from all the directions. In Germany, it is allowed to ride like this — Seba is a policeman, Seba knows. People, using motorized vehicles, should learn better how to be patient, this is a shared road mate.
Seba has enough for today, he gives me a bro fist and turns left to go for the camping spot. Luckily, he doesn't get hit by a driver behind us, who wants to pass by right at the same moment. This route is actually quite nice to ride, you got Baltic Sea on your left, there are plenty of camping spots on the beach. No need to camp on random backyards like in the suburbs.

[2016-06-28] Latvia — Estonia: Kuivizi — Parnu, 2435 km

Chinese amazed by flowers

The alarm goes on at 7 am, who am I kidding, I sleep until 10 am. Cycling 10 km, I reach a little town called Ainazi — last place before the border. I need to stop, I have homework to do, need to update my diary. It is so easy to fall behind, if you don't do it regularly every day, shit is happening nonstop. It would be nice the world to have a pause button — stop the party, hold my beer, because I have some writing to do.
Chinese comes out of nowhere, with a van. He steps out of the vehicle — what a surprise — he starts taking pictures of some random flowers in front of the school. He is curious. I answer, he already has another question ready for me. The Chinese explains, he is making a short van trip across Europe.

Private hut, second floor

It is evening, I just reached Parnu. Nice place, full of water: sea at one side, river on another. The city seems clean, organized, with fancy infrastructure. Few official camping spots alongside the river, the grass is freshly cut — you can smell it in the air. I could sleep here. I am tired of setting up my tent every evening. Always the same procedure, is there a way to avoid it?
There are huts, made out of wood. Do you have to pay for this, or is it free to use? There is a reception, but I am not asking, something is telling me I won't like the answer. You know what, let's just pick one hut. If the door opens easily, without using any brutal force — we take this as "feel free to use" sign. It is going to sound like I am bullshitting around, but the door fucking opens, I just fall into the house. I mean, what are the chances — we are all surprised, even insects flying around my head. Five minutes ago: homeless man; now I have a private studio, I could host a party.

[2016-06-29] Estonia: Parnu — Aasmae, 2545 km

Morning swim

It is 6 am, I am already awake. I want to get out of here, before anyone sees me. Let's not forget, I am the uninvited guest here. Nobody is up yet, except ducks having lake after party. Since I am here, I will take the opportunity: have a swim, use a toilet behind. Taking the advantage of civilization.

A village, named Aasmae

Highlight of the afternoon: 2 hour power nap in front of the gas station — feels like getting reborn. I could reach Tallinn today, if I wanted, but my mind gets distracted by a suburb village, named Ääsmäe. Every letter "a" comes with an umlaut — how do you even pronounce that shit? This requires advanced tongue techniques.
This place is 30 km out of Tallinn. After having a tour around, I can report, it has tons of features: football pitch, basketball court, playground park, adrenaline park, skate park; you name it. The area is highly maintained, it smells of money. Enough of detective crap, time to set up my tent — let's do it in the adrenaline park. It is so weird: it is 11 pm, and still not dark. Strange nature's laws.
If I had to vote, I would say, setting up the tent is one of the most annoying tasks of this trip. Every freaking day: dealing with the luggage, bags and shit — it just kills me. When you pack for a trip like this, make sure the equipment is easy to access, don't overload your bags. Do it, and you will be sorry later.
A cabin stands in the middle of the park; my eye catches two adults unlocking the door. I am such a lazy person, I would do anything to avoid dealing with the tent. "Hi, I am from Slovenia and I cycle to Nordkapp. Could I use this cabin to stay overnight?", I use the friendliest voice and smile being capable to produce. "No." Straight answer, I get in return. Great. We all know what this means: packing, more packing, unpacking, dealing with bags, tent and shit. I go for a swing to relax; show the kids the park is closed for today. They are more than welcome to leave and be loud somewhere else. It is time to rest, fill up the batteries, but not before setting up the tent.

[2016-06-30] Estonia: Aasmae — Tallinn, 2575 km

Woman doesn't give water

A look through the window of my tent, what do I see: kids are back early in the morning, this time with the teachers. So much space available, so many playgrounds around in this village; and here they are, circling around my tent. Have I mentioned, how annoying kids can be!? No idea, how mothers and teachers deal with this never ending screaming. Let's get out of here and hit the road. But first, I need to refill my bottles.
There is a lady in the garden, watering the flowers. She is smiling, being happy, why not stop and ask for the water here. She sees me — I am smiling in return, approaching slowly. I start waving with the empty bottle, pointing towards the water. She shakes her head off. I am confused, does she not understand or what is the deal here? I am still standing here, trying to figure out what is going on. There is a fence of 2 m height between us, she is completely safe. Even if I was a creep, I cannot jump over it.
It hits me then — this woman perfectly understands my gesture, but simply refuses to offer help. What inspires me the most, she holds a water tube in her hand, while shaking her head off. It would literally take her few seconds to fill up my bottle. She has just blown few 10s of liters of water for flowers. I am trying to be reasonable here, but: what a fucking bitch! Whatever. I will ask somewhere else.

Knocking at hostels' door

Before even warming up, boom, I am already in Tallinn. Facing Baltic Sea in front of me, the end of the road. Not really, make a circle via Russia or take a ferry to get to Finland. We want to avoid Russia, simply because I am too lazy: dealing, applying for visas. This is a zero bureaucracy trip. If I cannot cross a border only with my passport, I am not going there.
The plan for Tallinn is: trying something new; I am getting tired of cycling every day. I want to kill this routine for a short period of time. I had time in Riga to check the web. Based on the page — worldpackers.com — it is getting popular, people to volunteer in hostels in exchange for bed and food. These suckers take a fee, if you use their platform. They are kind of a communication bridge between you and a hostel. To be honest, not bad idea for a business. They only take the fee, if you actually make a volunteering agreement with the hostel you picked. They can make your life easier — you can arrange everything before the arrival.
This procedure with sending emails, messages is fine and comfy — nothing against it, but it is not for true ninjas on terrain. I will go for a more direct approach. "Knock knock" on the first hostel door: Monk's Bunk Hostel. According to videos and description they have online, this is a party animal spot. I introduce myself, ask the receptionist, if they could use an extra hand around here. "We are full", is the answer I get. The guy seemed surprised, me coming straightforward with the question. Are they really full or he just had to say something not to be quiet?
Another hostel, repeat the exercise. I get a negative response, all the beds for volunteers are taken. This time, I decide I am going to insist a bit more. I explain to be able to sleep anywhere, I do not need a bed, I have got camping gear. Victor — hostel manager, originally from Espana — says: "Alright then, welcome to the hostel Tallinn Backpackers." Five minutes later: I am already testing sofas how comfortable they are. Have you ever seen cows chilling on the fields of grass, this is exactly how it feels. Oh man, this is too nice, it is going to be difficult to leave.

Drunk chica in a taxi

I have an evening city walk, to celebrate newly accomplished hostel deal. Somehow, I end up in a taxi, with a random drunk chica, I met at the main square few minutes ago. What the fuck am I doing? It is a pretty weird situation: is she drunk or just acting drunk? She does not talk a lot, even when she opens her mouth, she produces strange sounds and languages. Why am I cooperating? I am attracted to weird stuff, plus I got nothing else to do. I assume, she wants to fuck. I mean let's be real, for what other reason would she drag me inside the cab? She doesn't look anything special, but since I am here, I might give her a hand.
Wrong, she wants a free cab ride. She jumps out of the car at the final destination, saying she will get back in a minute, but never comes back. Cabby drives me back to the center and requests money for his service. Well played. How on earth to explain to the cabby — doesn't speak any English — I don't know that woman, I just got tricked? Even if he knew, he doesn't care, he wants his money. I show him, I got no money to pay. The cabby gets angry, starts shouting in Russian, locks the door and calls the police.
The police officer knows better English. I explain, I don't know that woman, I thought she needed help. I am cycling across Europe — homeless, moneyless — I was just at the wrong spot at the wrong time. The policeman has no idea what to do with me, he looks obviously confused — what kind of stories are these? He asks again, if I could pay at least something for the ride? I start feeling sorry for the cabby, this dude probably has a family to feed. I still got few 10s of Polish Zloty hidden in my pocket, which is around 5 to 10 Euro. This is for you, mister, thank you for your service. I will go now.

[2016-07-01] — [2016-07-08] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Volunteering in a hostel

Viki the manager explains the rules of the hostel and my responsibilities as a volunteer employee. The deal is, you work 24 hours per week, you get bed and breakfast. Nobody is going to make a fuzz, if you use the breakfast jam also for an occasional snack — especially if nobody sees you.
A minimum volunteer period is one month. If you show up unannounced at the door, and have good negotiating skills, the deal can also be two or three weeks. Generally, they don't take you for less than a month. By the time you learn how things work, you are already gone — this is a no go for hostel management staff.
Typical hostel work: cleaning, changing bed sheets, receptioning, pouring drinks, which usually leads to getting drunk with guests. Frlan represents the core of the cleaning staff, and also helps with the night reception duties. All clear Viki, no worries. Go drink a beer, the situation is under control, we are ready for anything.

First cleaning shift

Being part of staff brings you other benefits: all the hostel activities are cheaper or totally free. The most popular hostel activity is called Pub Crawl, where the main idea behind is to drink alcohol. The location changes few times during the evening. You go from bar to bar, until you reach final destination, which is usually a discotheque or toilet, if you can't handle it anymore. The crucial part of pub crawl starts straight at the beginning. You have one hour to drink beer and cider as much as you can, this is a so called "power hour". Strong liquor is not included in the first hour deal, otherwise nobody would make it alive out of the hostel.
Pub crawl is "first time free" for hostel staff. Cheap travelers like myself do not skip free events. Power hour is about to start and I have a pole position at the bar; thirsty as fuck from all of this cycling, drinking water for two months. The whistle goes on, you have got 60 minutes. The hostel tries to trick you with some drinking games during the power hour — it is designed to waste your time, I am not falling for it. Chicas would like to chat: "Hi, my name is..." — not interested, we can talk later when you have to pay 10 Euro for a cocktail. Guys, let's focus, we are on a clock here. Drink now — play games, chat later. The guy behind the bar is well trained, he is fast as a light. The rule is: you have to bring your empty can in order to exchange for a full one.
We are entering club Hollywood — the place, where pub crawl is supposed to reach it's peak. Lucky enough to get through the security due to my outfit. I didn't bring any fancy clothes with me on the bike for clubbing scenes. I look like a traffic light: green swimming pants, yellow flashy shirt, red long sleeve matching my red flip flops. Somehow, I am not in the best mood for clubbing. I should be showing off my moves in the middle of the dance floor right now, not standing in the shadow, observing, analyzing. I think I am disappointed. Fucking pub crawl leader got the best chick for himself, that Oz blondie really looking fine. I guess I am not getting a taste of that kangaroo meat, am I? She has a great ass, they are kissing now. They are both Australians — what is the point? You fly all the way to Europe to hook up with someone from the same country? Pathetic.
I get totally smashed with secondary drinks. Yap, another cheap method. People buy a lot of alcohol, they cannot finish. If you observe a bit, you will find many groups like that. While moving around, you just casually grab their glass, simple as that. Be careful not to swallow any cigarette butts, people like to throw this shit in drinks, when going out for a smoke.
What time is it? That was intense yesterday. Good, I still have the head on my neck. Shit, was today my first cleaning shift and I overslept it? Viki is angry, Viki has a school speech ready for me: "First, you don't come back to the hostel in the morning and lock yourself in the bathroom for 2 hours to fuck, meanwhile the guests have to wait. Second, you don't skip your shift if it is written on the paper. Nobody is here your mama to wake you up, you show up and do your job by yourself." This is a lot of information for me right now. Two hours in the bathroom, fucking? I just know, I got absolutely smashed, it got blurry at the end. "I understand Viki, it won't happen again." We talk through; Viki is a cool guy, a traveler, he understands the pleasures of this game. His new employee was cycling for two months, needed to socialize a bit. But the employee also needs to understand and respect his duties, so we can all be a happy hostel family.

Crazy guy on a bike

Funny thing, before I started my trip, I checked many websites about bicycle touring; one of them was also crazyguyonabike.com. Random guy comes to the hostel: long hair, Canadian, middle age, he asks where is it possible to leave his bike. Next time, I see him in the main chill room, typing wildly on his computer. Looks like he is a blogger. I smile and open my mouth: "Where to?"
Oh boy, he starts shooting information all over the room; you get the answers for what you have asked and for what you haven't asked. Typical long term cyclist, this dude hasn't talked for ages, now he is going to explode. He says, he is an old school on the bike, plenty of tours behind him, thousands and thousands of kilometers; this time he is heading south towards Greece to spend one winter with refugees — to help and volunteer.
I get the instructions, I have to like his Facebook page and check his original page. I have to admit, he is a true fighter, but his webpage looks like trash. Too much info on the home main page! Imagine you want to write a whole book on one A4 format paper, this is how it looks like to me. What you can't miss though, is "Support crazyguyonabike" button, highlighted with shiny yellow color. Smart move. His approach is very transparent, he doesn't hide anything, all the donations are clearly visible, from his first to his recent years. Crazy guy is a stubborn man, he has been touring around already for 20 years; not continuously, he flies home to water flowers, dust his house, update the website. Let's have a close look up at the numbers. I can tell you, this kind of project needs many days, many months, many years to evolve to the phase, when you are able to buy yourself a freaking sandwich. However, when the ice is broken, the numbers can reach nice amounts. In the year 2007, donation value stopped at 11 234 Dollar; the curve goes up then every year, reaching 43 115 Dollar in the year 2015. Holly shit, this makes me wondering, why do I cycle without "donate now" button; how do you install this feature?

Hostel life: everybody on Tinder

Hostel life: everybody is a hardcore traveler; spending half of the day on tablets and phones, Tinder and Facebook; taking tours organized by the hostel. Eating at Mcdonald's — because you never can go wrong with your favourite menu, while using free wifi; it works in every country, this shiny yellow-red clown can be found everywhere. I mean who gives a damn, let people spend their time however they want to, but the chilling room really looks ridiculous. Instead of hanging out with people around you, everybody is on the phone, trying to find people to hangout via web applications.
Let's fucking try this Tinder thing and find out why so much fuzz about it. It is pretty straightforward, you don't need to read bulk documentation to understand this app. The gender you choose, appears on your screen — you swipe right to like, you swipe left not to like. If two people like each other, a chat box opens where both are able to send / receive messages. In practice this means, guys swiping right no matter what appears on the screen: brunette, blond, heavyweight, cow, sheep, rabbit, etc. Girls are more picky. They only swipe right if there is a white horse, possibly with a prince. They also love pictures, where dudes are with dogs.
One can easily get addicted, I spend three days with the app in front of my eyes. What is actually cool, that a lot of locals pop up — hostel on the other hand is full of foreigners. Tinder doesn't have to be a hook up app, it can be a modern way to meet new people. But yeah, people are thirsty, it is more about hooking up. We have a match, the profile description says: Marie, 23 years of age, Eesti Vabariik.

Tinder haircut

Things escalate quickly. Marie happens to be a hairdresser. I waste no time — I could have a new haircut — I go to her saloon the same afternoon. She looks pretty fancy: nice clothes / shoes, shiny objects around her neck / wrist, rainbow of colours on her hair. And myself? I am wearing what I am always wearing, I got only few pieces of clothes with me. Luckily, the colour is still on even though the clothes are being washed nonstop. My first official Tinder date, I like it so far. The beginning might be a bit awkward, which is normal, but very soon the atmosphere gets relaxed.
She used to study art, didn't see any vision in it, then transformed to a hairdresser. This is more or less all the info that we get from her, she has to concentrate not to cut my ears off. Plus she doesn't get a lot of chance to talk, there is a vagabond on a chair telling all the cycling stories so far, and that's a lot of stories.

Beer at the sea

We meet again soon. Marie and a couple of friends decide, it is a good day to have "bring your own drinks" event at the sea. I kind of invite myself. Crashing events, knowing nobody, this is Frlan's specialty. I bring the cheapest beer I could find in the hostel. The gang notice this little detail, before I open my first can. Perfect, no other introduction is necessary regarding this topic — we all know how cheap I am.
A bit of chit chat, you have one guess — who is talking the most? Definitively different experience than the hostel, where you are part of loud and annoying tourist community. This is local stuff, I feel half Estonian already. "Uukss, oukkss, kikstulavasteele" — if you wonder, this is how Estonian sounds. Some leave, we change the location, try to get into a club. I get rejected because my outfit doesn't fulfill the requirements of the club. I am trying to trick the security tough guy to get inside, nothing works. If you are not wearing cheap fancy trash from Zara and HM, you cannot enter the club.

[2016-07-09] — [2016-07-17] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Hitchhiking to Hiiumaa

Weekend is coming, the plan is to go to Hiiumaa (second biggest Estonia's island) and celebrate birthday of Marie's mother. Don't ask me how did we come up with this plan. I met Marie like few days ago, and now I am going for her mother's birthday. Anyway, they have a family house on the island, grandma used to live there. Now they use it especially in summer to escape fast rhythm of living in the capital. Mother has a new boyfriend, she is also a hairdresser and she doesn't hold back when it comes to partying. What else to say, a bunch of fantastic people together exploring the beauties of the world, a lovely family gathering.
If you feel adventurous you can hitchhike to the island. In Tallinn take the bus 18 "Viru-Laagri", the bus is going to take you out of the center, go off at the end of the bus route. The public transport is free for the locals, they have a card for it, otherwise one ride costs 2 Euro, which means no icecream at the end of the day. If someone asks — you didn't hear this from me — but it works to pretend to be an Estonian. Just keep your mouth shut, look cold, mind your own business, pretend you know what you are doing. If the shit goes down, tell the bus driver you know Frlan — administration staff at Tallinn city services, who told you the public transport is free for research purposes. The driver is going to be so confused to keep on driving.
When off the bus, put a smile on your face, it is hitchhiking time. Look the car drivers straight into their eyes, let them know they are bastards if they don't pick you up. About direction, tell them you are going to Haapsalu, from there you take a ferry to the island. It also works, if you tell the drivers straight you want to go to Hiiumaa; Estonia is small, everybody knows these places. When on the ferry, there are two main tactics how to get another ride. Talk to people, ask where they are going; or walk off the ferry among the first and hitchhike from the harbor — be fast, because your ride is on the ferry, there are no other cars driving there. Best advice would be: do both tactics, and surely you will hitch someone. Most of the people drive to Kardla, this is the main town on the island.
The experience says: 4 car rides to get from outside of Tallinn to Haapsalu, waiting time: no more than 10 min. 5th car from the ferry to Kardla, using the method: knock on people's window of the car few minutes before getting off the ferry.

Tegan's forbidden night activities

Not every day is a day to vagabond around, doing researches about Estonia, let's not forget about the hostel duties. While being gone for few days, I missed a little drama that happened during night receptioning. We have a female employee from United Kingdom, who works at reception. Tegan likes horses. She got slightly drunk the other day, got back to the hostel with a wild horse from Brasil, told the guy on a duty to go to sleep because she was taking over the night shift. What a nice gesture, isn't it? She couldn't resist the internal forces and went for a test ride on couches, which is not exactly the protocol of night shift receptioning. The problem was, she was so exhausted due to extra night activities, she couldn't handle to stay awake. One guest was not able to check out early in the morning, made a big fuzz about it and that is how our illegal night rider got caught.
Viki the manager doesn't like the story at all, he wants all the operations to go smooth, he wants this hostel to be top ranked online, to have only best reviews from our guests. I am thrilled about the story and happy for her. Things like this should be happening in a hostel, that is why we are all here. How often do you get a chance to ride an authentic ninja horse from Brasil? The guest dude is going to catch another airplane, he will be alright.

Failing at night shift

Viki the manager says, no more fucking around, strictly follow the rules or get ready to pack your bags and get out of the hostel. All of the staff looks highly motivated to give their best for the rest of the season. My first night shift comes, highlight of the night: when someone pukes in the sink. This is the perfect opportunity to show commitment, the sink gets cleaned so good, it looks like just out of the factory. But dude, next time you are puking somewhere else.
Second night shift at reception. The air is clean, but not for long. Dani from Sicily and Alex from Chicago — my coworkers — are slightly drunk and bored, they want to hangout right in this room. Officially, only night receptionist is allowed to be in the lobby. They are checking chicas on the phone, being quiet — I will let them stay, nobody wants to be bitchy and annoying towards their own fellows.
Marie is in the neighbourhood attending a birthday party, she wants to come by and say hello. It is between 3 and 4 am, when she actually shows up at the door. You can't fool an experienced dog, I can smell rum and coke as soon as the door opens, combined with silly behaviour — come lady, let's have a glass of water. The guys, Dani and Alex, are still awake, they register a girl in the room before even seeing her. Obviously they like what they see, they both decide it is the best technique to show it by talking trash. Marie doesn't hold back either, soon it gets really hard to listen to those kids. Enough is enough, let's get you out of this place woman, the guys will have to find another way to release their tension.
While at the door, I decide to walk with Marie to the first corner, I show Dani "two minutes" with my fingers. This does not exactly fit the rules (never leave your reception position), but it is 4 in the morning, nothing is so urgent at this time that can't wait for few minutes. If a guest is having a shit and suddenly the toilet paper is gone — you can wait buddy, it is not going to be the end of the world. I get back to the hostel — why so many lights on? — Dani and Alex are still on their position, nobody is talking much, few more hours and the shift is over.
Viki has the morning shift after me, he asks me what was going on during the night. I reply: "Nothing special, everything was under control". Then I add about the guys, hanging out at reception lobby: "I know it is against the rules but I let them stay because they were quiet". It seems the conversation is over, let's get breakfast and go to sleep; when Viki adds: "Do you know, that the guys came to my room in the middle of the night to tell me, you left the hostel? I didn't come to check, I just told them to let me sleep". What a nice surprise, who wouldn't want to have such nice coworkers. That's why the lights were on in the hall and nobody was talking much when I got back after my walk with Marie; two little rats.

Hostel life coming to an end

We have a meeting in the afternoon. This must be a feeling similar to what Jesus felt, when he got betrayed by one of his own apostles. I am not going to lie, I would like to hunt those two little rats down, chop their head off, burn them on the main square, like our ancestors used to do it. But Jesus also said: "Forgive them, they don't know what they are doing." They both run away, try to avoid any kind of contact with me, looking at the floor, looking at the ceiling. It's okay my friends, I let you both chill in the lobby, even if not allowed — thanks for covering my back in return.
Viktor explains he has to do something as a manager, otherwise nobody is going to take him seriously anymore, there were too many warnings. The camera says I was gone exactly for 13 minutes — no problem Viki, say no more, officially it was me who fucked up. If you want, I can finish the shift that is assigned to me, then I am gone. Viki is a legend, he tells me I can stay few more days to figure out the future. Absolutely no worries Viki, the situation will get sorted out.
I do my last night shift and leave the hostel in the afternoon after I wake up. The rat friends of mine are asked to stay at least as long as to finish their assigned shifts (a week or two). They can't handle their own breath, one leaves on the same day as me (early in the morning), the second one two days later. Good job fellows, sticking your nose into my shifts and not finishing your own. Do you know, that only little girls and boys run to mommy and papi, to tell what someone else did wrong? Piece of advice: if you got a problem with someone, go talk face to face.

[2016-07-18] — [2016-07-31] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Moving in with Marie

I am out of the hostel, what now? I am not sure I am ready to go back to work, to go back on my bike. This is what we are going to do: we are going to ask Marie if she has a spare couch to extend my Tallinn experience. If not possible, it is not going to be the end of the world, then we say goodbye to Tallinn and head towards north. I send a message, she says not a problem, few hours later I am already in my new apartment, with the bike and all of my garbage, I mean equipment. Just like that, isn't that great when people don't complicate?
So what the hell is going on here, we met with Marie two weeks ago, we celebrated a birthday together with her mother, now I am moving in to her place. Have I mentioned she lives together with her father? Her family is really open minded, everybody does whatever they want. Everything is right and everything is wrong; true free spirit, no wonder it feels so refreshing here.
I didn't want to force anything with Marie: (1) first, haircut meeting, obviously nothing happened; (2) beer at the sea, nothing happened; (3) Hiiumaa trip with mother's birthday, again — nothing. Being pushy is a turnoff, but waiting too long for a move is also a turnoff. Should I go for a move, should I not — I don't like it when I am being indecisive. From time to time, Marie really acts like a cold blooded bitch, you have no idea, if you are allowed to approach or not. Second concern, how much will things get complicated?
Few days ago, I got tired of myself doing nothing. Clearly, we are attracted to each other. Why did I start this trip? To explore, experience, make memories — holding things back does not make any sense. I felt so clumsy, finally I just told her, I was going to kiss her. A bit of kissing, that is alright. Couple of days later, the same day as moving in, we go to a festival. We are celebrating Estonian national holiday; that's what I heard. A lot of Eesti flags, a lot of beer. We get back to the apartment, boom, we fuck for two hours. When you are slightly drunk, not too much, it always lasts forever. You know what? I don't miss cycling at all.
Marie tells me, she thought I was gay, because it took me so long to make the first move. With sexual life on the horizon, I got another problem: pubic hair. I had a chance to cut my hair on my head, but it is still going wild down there, and I have no proper equipment. What am I talking about, Marie is a professional hairdresser, she must have professional tools. Is it okay, if I borrow it for the occasion, or is that only for clients? Marie has two rules, when starting something with a guy: she doesn't take it from behind, she doesn't take penis in her mouth. It can change later on, it depends how you behave, how things are evolving. I am confused about the first rule, never heard it before. Let's fuck, but be careful, this sex position is forbidden; we don't do it the way how dogs are doing it.

Iida Mai and Karl Jakob want to be adults

I am meeting all kinds of new people, friends, old schoolmates, pets, Marie's sister Iida Mai and her boyfriend Karl Jakob. Let's stop here for a moment. They both just finished highschool and they are about to move in together. This is advanced, I was watching Cartoon Network at this age. Paying your own bills, taking care of yourself, at the age of 18; are you guys sure? It looks like they are hungry for adult life, fair enough; besides I am not sure Cartoon Network service is still available.
Jakob decided to give away most of his old clothes, he wants to restart his life. Get a new apartment, get new clothes, get new friends. If I understand this correctly, he wants to ditch his old friends and get surrounded by new people. I think I am impressed, this dude has got interesting, strong ideas. I take advantage of the situation and check Jakob's "throw away" bag of clothes. Lucky me, I am getting new stuff, my original 24/7 clothes can get some rest from the washing machine.

Filming a movie

It is time to become a rock star, it is time for a new hair colour. I have never coloured my hair. Basically nobody cares about the colour, but I like when someone is touching my head, doing something, it feels relaxing. When I was a kid, I used to fall asleep at hairdresser every time; best nap ever.
New event, we are filming a movie; French director, the language is Estonian. The role we have: there is an argument at the entrance of the club between main character and security, our role is to — are you ready — to enter the club during this scene. We are killing it, I am cat walking to the club like nobody is watching. There is more. Another shot is inside the club, where we as second class actors drink, chit chat at the bar while the main dude orders a drink. Who needs bungee jumping when you can get a shot of adrenaline from filming this type of crazy scenarios. I have zero Estonian lines from the script.
For these two movie shots, it takes us from 8 in the evening until 3 in the morning, to make director satisfied. Seven fucking hours just to stand here around, this is worse than being at the funeral; absolutely no thrill involved. It is a volunteering position, we get sandwiches as payment; we are out of them too soon, very disappointing.

Weekend in Voru

It is the last weekend in July, the plan is to go Voru. This is south-east part of Estonia, 4 hours of drive by bus from Tallinn, it is close both to Latvian and Russian border. Kelp family has a gathering, there is a birthday celebration. I don't know who exactly is invited, but we are all going, let's see Estonian countryside party environment. What is the connection here, how did we get into this plan? Kadi is from there, she is Marie's (possible) best friend and a flatmate.
The party is insane, we jump on trampoline, I am playing hide and seek with a cat, there is plenty of food on the table, father of the family keeps following me with vodka / home made wine, the sky drops some rain on us, it is definitively a place to be. We go swimming to a lake, it is few 100 m long. The gang is chit chatting, playing with a ball, fooling around; I decide to show how it's done, I jump in like Martin Strel (Slovenian champ, who swims long rivers, few records holder, he also likes to drink wine). I don't stop until reaching the other side — fuck, now I have to swim back. Surely I am going to feel my arms for few days because of this lake.
We are driving back to Tallinn, this time Marie's friend offered to give us a lift. I'll tell you what, these girls, they don't stop talking. It is one of those days I wish I was on my bike, pedalling, observing the environment, not having to listen to these random frequencies. Girls can be so annoying: nonsense talking, singing, posing, fun vibing, laughing when nothing is funny; it is that irritating "girls just want to have some fun" attitude. It doesn't help I don't speak Estonian, I don't have to; it hurts because I can understand their face and body expressions, my brain wants to jump out of this car. I am definitively not in the mood for this, I was sure it was going to be a quiet car ride with radio music on. Maybe I am the annoying one; I don't know, our energies are definitively not compatible today.

[2016-08-01] — [2016-08-21] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Wolt meeting

It looks like I am getting a new job; something that is called Wolt is coming to town. What is it about? It is an application, where you can order food. Software is developed and running, now they need couriers to do deliveries. All you need is a smart mobile phone and any kind of transportation machinery: car, moped, bicycle. Perfect! It seems the job was designed directly for me. I have all the gear, I have motivation, the timing could not be better; I do not know any of the streets, I do not speak Estonian nor Russian, hmm. Let's go for a meeting and see when can I start. Nikolai aka the operational manager texts me to come at 11 am; address: J. Kunderi tn 8a, 10121 Tallinn.
I tell myself: it is the first official meeting, show good work ethic, get there 15 minutes before the clock. This sounds good on the paper, less good in practice. It is 11:15 am and I cannot find the building; I am making circles, racing up and down the street, asking people around, nobody knows this place. Finally, I get Nikolai on the phone, he tells me step by step instructions. After 15 extra minutes, I reach the final destination which is just around the corner. Nobody really cares about me being late after I bombard all the office crew with my cycling stories, as an introduction.
People in the office are nice, aged between 20 and 30, one can feel very comfortable and relaxed between these four walls. Nikolai explains me more about the job: it is enough to speak English; working hours are very flexible — you set up by yourself when you want to work (via application); the gear has to be provided by yourself; finding the streets of Tallinn should not be a problem by using any map service on the phone. They pay 7 Euro per hour, 20 percent takes the country, the rest goes to your pocket. These are all legal plays over here, no street economy. The paperwork is easy and fast, all I need is an Estonian ID (no costs) and I am ready to work; probably not that easy for non European citizens.

Wolt origin

Wolt started with the service in 2015 in Helsinki, Finland, where the app was also developed. People loved it so much, the application was voted as top app of the year. Today the service runs in Helsinki, Stockholm, Tallinn. Wolt is hungry for more; they want to expand their service and conquer all the Europe like Napoleon did in his best times.
Wolt Tallinn started on the 25th of July. First two weeks — test era, no advertisement yet. This means no real action for the couriers; you are more busy checking girls in the park than doing deliveries. The game gets more serious in few weeks. Number of couriers needed to manage all the deliveries goes from three to twenty. Delivering by bike, you can do up to 70 km per day; measured with Sigma BC 8.12 and Suunto Ambit 3 Peak. The record holder until this day is one bike ninja from Helsinki: 10 hour shift, 36 deliveries, 93 km cycled.

Bad boy watering outside

It is normal working day, I come to Wolt office in the morning like every day before my shift starts; you know, to mess around with the office people and check the fridge, if there are any leftovers. "Hey Žiga, you are famous now, you have 35 000 views already." I don't know what they are talking about, who is going to enlighten me? Apparently someone took a picture of me yesterday when I went for a pee. It happened during the shift, with my Wolt shirt on. The picture was posted on one of Tallinn yellow Facebook pages: Margatud Tallinnas. The guys in the office kindly ask me to urinate "where toilet facility is provided" in the future. They are not mad, even bad publicity is a good publicity, right?
What can I say in my defence; it gets really hot during the day, you have to drink a lot of fluids if you cycle. This so called "dog urinating technique" might not be appropriate when dealing with food and people, but I got caught in the moment, was holding it back for too long. It was either doing it outside on the grass or inside my pants. Plus, fyi, it can be done using no hands — hygiene is not put into any risk.

Crash on tram tracks

Doing food deliveries on the bike can be like playing a game. You get a notification on the phone with two addresses: (a) pick up (b) drop off. As soon as you get a notification, you become part of a mission: people are hungry, people are starving, now it is up to you to save them. Bring them food as fast as possible, save their lives, become their hero! Sometimes this philosophy gets too much under my skin; I start racing on the road like a maniac, overtaking cars and buses, going slalom between people that are walking on the sidewalk, I pretend traffic light always to be green. This behaviour is good for Wolt business, clearly it is fast; but you know, safety does matter. I think my bike does not like this aggressive style of riding, it has to absorb a lot of energy with many bumps on the road and high sidewalks. My tyres are worn out, I have to patch every second day.
It is raining and I am on my shift. The road can get very slippery. Water on the rims means less traction with brake pads when brakes are applied; this does not help when you want to stop your bike. It is close to rush hours, I am racing against the cars like usual, to make work more fun. I shift up, speed up, the sound of motorbike in my mind; move to the left side of the road, I start overtaking the whole column of the cars. I see a car moving towards me and I am on his side, I have to get back to the right side of the road, which is full of cars stuck together — hardly any space available. I am starting with the maneuver, at the same time I realize I have tram tracks in front of me. No panic: rain, speed, maneuver, crossing; the situation is under control. When crossing, I get too parallel with tram tracks, my first tyre slips right into it. There is no way going back, I know I am fucked. I lose the control of my bike, next second I am already in the air, flying like an airplane without engines for few seconds. I crash directly in the middle of the road, BOOOM! Luckily, I don't get hit by a car or something.
What else to do: I get up, wave people around to show them I am still breathing; put the chain back on the gear wheel; hop on and get back to the mission. Later on I report to dispatcher in the office. What do I get back? "Did you have any food in the bag?" Thanks for asking bro; I am fine, my bones are also fine; and no worries, there was no food in the bag.

Kristina wants to debate late in the evening

It has been a very long day. I just dropped off my last delivery, I cracked another 12 hour shift on the bike. It is late evening, between 10 and 11 pm, I start cycling towards Ehte 5 — street where I am currently based. I have few nice ideas in my mind what to do with Marie, we could squeeze in an activity or two before we call it a day. While unlocking the door, I can hear voices coming from the inside. Kristina is on the visit. Who the fuck is Kristina and why is she visiting so late, right? My thoughts exactly. I am not in the mood even to say hello, it has been enough of chatting, talking for today. I am seriously considering ditching the place, coming back half an hour later or something; not possible, they already heard me entering the apartment.
This is not all, the best part is, she has been waiting for me to get home, she would like to have a word with me. There are 300 000 people in Tallinn, and she has been waiting for me to talk to? There is no one else up for debate? What a lucky man I am right now. Who is this woman and what is this all about? Kristina is Marie's friend, she is 23 years old. Before saying hello, before introducing herself, she shows me to sit on the chair and shoots out: "How long are you planning to live at Marie's place and make full use of her?" I am getting flashbacks from history lessons: when was that era when they used to burn witches on the hills? What is better: me to jump through the window or help her flying through the window?
Guys, why sticking your nose into stuff that are none of your business? Jumping to conclusions out of nowhere? And what is with that aggressive style? Remember, aggression provokes more aggression; no wonder I am getting war zone flashbacks. Luckily, in moments like these, I always try to remember what Jesus said: "Forgive them, they don't even know what they are doing." Kristina is trying to be a good friend, she does not want her friend to be fooled, she does not want her friend to get hurt. She might also have had a bad, difficult day and let's get real, I am questioning myself when is the last time this young lady got laid, I am smelling frustration. If she was getting a bit of action on regular basis I highly doubt her tone and way of talking would be so annoying.
I do my best to give some of the answers to Kristina, but more importantly I discuss the topic (again) with Marie after Kristina leaves. She knows about my plan, she knows I want to reach the most north point of Europe by bike; she knows I am on a travelling adventure and travelling does not happen by staying at one place forever; she knows I am going to leave sooner or later. If she wants me out of her place, that is also fine, I can leave tomorrow. Marie confirms she is aware of the situation, she says she knows what kind of game she got into and that we are all good. Good.
It seems I like Kristina more than I admit myself, she is still in my mind after she leaves. I decide to give her some more attention via text messages. Who is right, who is wrong? Annoying selfish travellers with their shitty stories, using people around them? Don't go for the experience because you know it is only temporary? At the end, isn't it all temporary? Here are the messages, you can notice me being super friendly.

"Hey Kristina! Its Ziga here. I like you, Marie is a lucky girl to have a friend like you. Once you should also try to open a door to a stranger and you are gonna get a lot of answers. If you have some more questions, I would be happy to answer, any time. Peace & hugs, Ziga"

"I understand couchsurfers that stay max for 3-4 days. But excuse me, what use is she getting from you who is using her for accommodation and other private activities? Don’t you even feel little ashamed for using her like this for a whole month without offering her a bit of money? In your place I would have offered money in first place. That’s what you WORLDTRAVELERS do, think you can repay to hosts with cooking food and tell your travel adventures, oh how interesting. There are tons of blogs and books that I could read instead. I simply don’t want you to hurt her and use her generosity for your good. She even trusted you her keys. Grow some balls man and give her something worthy back than just sex and your company, she could get it anytime! Not sure how seriously you’ll take this message but at least you read it!"

"Hey Kristina, I’m really bad at cooking and sex, but I’m a good story teller, at least something. You see, you, me and Marie we all come from parts of world where we can make our own choices what to do in life. My choice was to be a budget traveller, Marie had a chance to say yes or no when asked for the place to crash, you said you would rather read a blog. I don’t see where is the problem, as long as nobody is forced to do something. Come for a cup of tea one day!"

"Don't seat on the table, we also have chairs!"

Who likes nice and friendly customer service, raise your hand. Last two, three weeks I have been working too much, Wolt is getting more and more popular, demand for service is getting higher and higher. The couriers are often asked to stay longer on the shift; I have been cracking 12 hour shifts day after day. You know, people in the office are nice, I am nice, they ask politely, and I can't say no. The job is super cool, sporty and all that, but you know how it is: it is never good to force one thing or activity too much. You need to get thirsty sometimes, then you appreciate water much more.
It is the end of the all day long shift and I am hungry like a dog. I don't remember, what have I eaten during the day? Banana, sandwich, water? I just decided, I am going to have a kebab with chips, to finish the 12 hour shift in style. I make an order and move towards the back of the cantina, to wait for them to process my order. My legs are tired, shall I take a seat? No, not a good idea, because I am waiting for fast food, the food is going to be ready any moment. I can see it: the moment I sit down, the same second my name gets called and I have to stand up again — so much energy wasted.
I will just slightly lean towards the table to have a bit of support and have a partial rest. Good, this feels easier to wait. At one point the leaning towards the table transforms to sitting on the table. Here it comes, like a thunder, from the bar: "Don't seat on the table, we also have chairs!" Brrr, I believe smoke is coming out of my head; what an annoying voice, what an annoying creature. I am getting the attitude like I have just had a crap in the middle of the restaurant. Breathe in, breathe out. Give me the damn kebab and get out of my face.

[2016-08-22] — [2016-08-25] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Getting hooked by Tallinn

I keep on with the game of being a citizen of Tallinn. I am constantly getting new ideas what else to do / try around here. Nordkapp is not going anywhere, it is still waiting for me, what concerns me: the weather. Summer in Tallinn ended around two weeks ago, all I can see is rain and wind. I need to go to the library, to isolate from people, to ask myself few questions, to check the navigation in my mind, to update my diary. I am getting so carried away by city life, my notebook is left blank since I got to Tallinn.

[2016-08-26] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

News about Erman

A completely normal day. Some people work for money, some desire love, some dream about fame, some are poor, some are miserable, some are smart, some are chained to a wheelchair, some are inspiration. Some people would like to live, some people would like to die. Right now one man is being born, another one is dying.
I get a letter today via modern technologies from my homeland that Erman is gone. Just like that. Me pedalling the bicycle across Europe, meanwhile Erman gets erased out of this world. He was one year younger than me, I completed 26 last year in December. This man was fearless, stubborn as a horse, energetic. The last time I saw him was just before the trip, he hooked me up with 30 % off on camping gear; well, that is all past now. Very short life, but intense.
Instead of crying, let's raise a toast to this man, have a beer, two or ten; make love with all the beautiful mamacitas and keep doing things that make us feel alive. Boys and girls, we are all going there, sooner or later. Use your time wisely; ignore trash, focus on what matters!

[2016-08-27] — [2016-08-31] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

"I Feel Slovenia" in the middle of Freedom Square

Location: Freedom Square, center of Tallinn. I am passing by, I see big panels with "I Feel Slovenia" signs. This is unexpected, what is this all about? I feel like my country is following me, came all the way up to Tallinn.
Later on I dig in for some information, here comes the background story. Slovenia celebrates national holiday on the 25th of June; on this day in 1991 Slovenian Parliament declared independency. Beograd (or Belgrade) aka center of Yugoslavia, they did not like that, they sent few tanks over. The situation went down for 10 days, the Yugoslavian Army got denied by Slovenian Territorial Force and Slovenian Police. This meant confirmation, Slovenia is not under Yugoslavia, Belgrade does not dictate on Slovenian ground anymore.
Around at the same time, something similar was going on 2500 km towards north: Estonia was defending their independency against the Soviet Union. "Eesti Vabarik", this is how they call themselves, celebrates the main national holiday on the 20th of August. Both countries, Estonia and Slovenia, celebrate 25 years of being independent this year; hence the big panels at Freedom Square. Mystery solved.

No biscuits at the interview

Tallinn makes me feel like I am a magician. Whatever I try, whatever I do, it works. I don't complicate, I don't think, I just do things. You are not going to believe me but right now I am on my way to Kloostri Tee 8 in Pirita. This part of the city is right next to the sea, the cycling lane goes few meters away from the water. The weather is not really summery, it is raining. There is a marina located in Pirita, I have had an idea of trying to hitch a ride across the sea to Finland. This is not the reason why I am here today though.
The address mentioned — it is where TV3 Eesti has a base. Listen to this: few days ago I was having dinner at Kompressor, which is a restaurant in old town part of Tallinn; they make all kinds of pancakes. I was with Marie (exactly, the girl we live together), there was a magazine on the table. The pancakes were delicious; time for a bit of reading after food. The magazine was in Estonian, so "no comprendo mucho, solo mira la pictures". After a while, Marie goes: "There is a new reality show coming up and they are looking for candidates, you should apply."
You don't have to tell me twice. I sent them an email, they sent me back few details and today we are already having an interview together at Kloostri Tee 8 in Pirita. The show sounds pathetic; the idea amuses me, it gives me fireworks in my brain, I cannot say no to this. Back at home in Slovenia, I would probably never go for it. But here my mind is like: who cares, are you on adventure or what?
I enter the building, they put a camera in front of me, they give me 15 minutes to make an introduction about myself. Once I start talking, oh boy, I could talk for hours. So many stories to tell; engineering, army, ship, cycling — dude, relax, it is only an introduction, not your whole life story. This couch is very cosy; I am completely wet, my underwear is wet, I should learn to ride the bike with an umbrella when it rains. What a disappointment, there are no cookies available during the interview; I skipped breakfast, I was sure I was going to be snacking here. I guess we are all on a tight budget. About the concept of the show: there is a girl called Helen, she is looking for a prince on a horse. From all the candidates who applied, they are going to pick seven — these seven are going to be in the show, fighting for the heart of Helen. How amazing does that sound?

"Ajd u pičku matr"

Going back to city centre from the interview in Pirita. That went well, better than my wet underwear. The rain is getting heavier, I decide to stop under the first roof I see and wait for the rain to go away. Who am I kidding, these clouds are not going anywhere, I can wait until spring.
I notice two girls smoking a cigarette, standing right next to the main road with cars and buses passing by. It seems they are not aware of the situation; they are too close to the road, they are going to get splashed. I reposition myself towards the inside, away from the cars. All we have to do now is wait — wait for something like a bus to come. There it goes: spl-aaa-sh; this is better than going to a cinema.
One says "Fuck" and the other says "Ajd u pičku matr". Wait, what? I was able to understand both of them. The first one was swearing in English and the second one: that must have been either Slovene or Croatian. Now I am curious.
I am not sure if I want to talk to her if she is Croatian. Nothing against our neighbours, the thing is: Slovenian and Croatian are very similar languages, yet not the same. There is always a question: do I speak in Slovene, do they understand me if I speak Slovene? Or do I try to speak Croatian, which in reality is still Slovene, I am just trying to make the words sound Croatian. A conversation like this can be very tiring, slow. You could communicate in English, but that feels even more wrong.
Anyway, the girl in front of me, she is Slovenian: Taja from Koroška. She is doing an Erasmus exchange student program in Tallinn, for half a year. It is nice to hear Slovene language after couple of months. We exchange few words — well, not really: we talk like two grandmas for two hours nonstop.

Boys work on Sunday evening

Sunday evening, I am on duty. You hungry? No problem, me: deliver food. The city is empty, people are having a rest. According to preachers, this is how it is supposed to be. Lord created World in six days and had a rest on the last day of the week. I am cruising the streets of Tallinn on my bike, it is not busy with deliveries. Okay, here we go, the phone is making sounds, this means a bit of action for me.
I bring food for the boys, they come out of the building to pick up the stuff. They say they need some fresh air, they are coming out of the office, everybody lights a cigarette (minus myself). Now I am curious, what do these boys do on such late Sunday evening? They look like they are not going anywhere anytime soon, these faces seem motivated. I ask, they start talking all over each other. Wow, easy boys, easy. They just finished highschool, they have interest in making money. They say, they are going to work for one, maximum two years, then never again in their life time. This is more or less all I understand, after this point the explanation gets tricky; what I hear is: company, Real Madrid, Austria, football players, cards, Slovenia, baby steps, company, cards, company. I guess the key words are company and cards. They invite me for a meeting, if I want, where the concept is going to be explained one more time and more in detail. Do I really want to hear this again?
Two days later, here I am again — what the hell, I got nothing else to do. The topic is introduced to me in two hours, with a computer and slides presentation; the building looks pretty fancy by the way. The story sounds complicating, but what do I know, I just ride the bicycle. It is about marketing, as much as I understand — pretty classic, a? It seems everything nowadays is about marketing. The global aim is to connect the chosen companies and stores all around the world. Anyone with the Lyoness card gets the benefits when buying stuff — a discount or you get money back on your card. The aim of the boys is to spread the info, to attract new partners and customers. You build up the web, take small percentage of every purchase that has been made inside your creation — this is how the money ends in your pocket.
During the meeting, since we are talking about the aims, I remind myself: what about my aim? Are you going to get your ass to Nordkapp and finish what you started or what?

[2016-09-01] — [2016-09-17] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Stay during winter, keep on going next year?

It is September, I can't stand this guy anymore. Look at him: enjoying time with his girlfriend, hanging around in the city, going for a fancy lunch, dinner, stracciatella icecream, having lazy and comfortable evenings under the blanket; amigo, you are seriously starting to piss me off. Acting like you have all the time in this world. Wake the fuck up! Summer is over, winter is coming, there is whole Scandinavia waiting for you to cycle. Did you get here to play love games or to kill a cycling mission?
This man has a point. I need to get back to cycling. It is not going to be easy to leave Tallinn, it might be even more difficult than leaving Ljubljana at the first place. Suggestions like "Stay during winter, keep on going in spring next year", I don't like them at all. It is going to be even more difficult to leave after the winter. I am getting deeper and deeper, who knows, I might get married if I stay until next year.
Another thing that freaks me out, is the weather. I am so not ready for cold, rain, snow. To get a feeling, what I am talking about: my Nike shoes are summer edition, the front face has small holes, to be able to get breeze into your feet during hot summer days. If I look at my equipment, nothing is built for cycling during cold temperatures. Finland in September, October — it can't be that cold, with all the global warming and stuff. What do you think?

Library and equipment

There is no more time for Wolting, I quit doing deliveries. It is library time, I have to do some serious diary update. Libraries are awesome, just stepping inside one, it makes you feel smarter, focused. Books on the shelves, people reading / studying, pictures of scientists, writers hanging on the wall, and lastly: no clowns around; I love the atmosphere.
The library, where I spend three weeks, is called Tallinn Central Library. It is a pink building, they call it "Tallinna Keskraamatukogu". They don't complicate with registration, it is a super fast procedure. Just do not go for the public computers, Windows (operating system) takes ages to load. It must be faster to send mail over post office than an email over this machine. I am not surprised though, this is a classic story, libraries always have computers from the previous decade. There is an old guy on the computer, he looks happy and satisfied with what is available. Before papa hits any new key combination, the PC has more than enough time to process the previous command.
Guys, what are we going to do about the equipment? I cannot change the weather for next few weeks, it is going to be however it is going to be. What we can do is, we can get extra gear and be ready for potential rain and cold. If money is not a question, Gore-Tex would probably be the way to go — well known trademark for waterproof and breathable fabric. I decide to go check Sports Direct, these stores are all over Europe, they are known to sell cheap stuff. Priorities of this trip are: first the price, then the quality. A rain jacket, it comes with pants, both for 40 Euro; seems like a good investment. I go for a try on; it is plastic, it feels like wearing a trash bag as a jacket. I like it, because I don't find anything else in this price range. The color is black, you want to be visible on the bike; unfortunately there is no other color available, it will have to work.
Have you ever heard about waterproof socks, me neither. I am ordering online, they are not cheap. 40 Euro for one pair: DexShell trekking waterproof socks. I don't know, let's hope this combo is going to work: summer Nike shoes and high tech waterproof socks.
It is so easy ordering online these days, bike tyres are completely worn out; better deal with this now. Instead of fucking around with local bike shops, I decide to order stuff from rosebikes.com. Products get from Germany to Estonia in a week; I have ordered from there before starting the trip in Ljubljana. One of the things I like the most when online shopping, you can read a proper description of the product you are buying (plus customer opinion). When you come to a local shop, whatever you ask, the guy usually just reads from the label. Or he tells you what you want to hear, in order to sell. I buy extra thick Schwalbe Marathon tyres, two rim tapes, two extra inner tubes and chain lubricant. Time to get hands dirty and install these tyres on the bike. With basic skills and tools, anyone can do it.

[2016-09-18] — [2016-09-23] Estonia: Tallinn, 2575 km

Not the scenario one would wish for

The tour is officially back on, ferry Tallinn — Helsinki is booked. I am going to start pedalling before the month ends. The atmosphere is sour, I am talking about Marie now. Want it or not, three months is more than enough to get attached to a person. We spent the whole summer together, saw each other everyday, shared many meals; we lived together.
She tells me; one morning on the way to her work, she started crying on the bus. Oh man, I feel like trash. We got to stay positive though, be thankful for the experience / memories, we created together. We both knew what we were getting into, there is nothing to regret about. If we put emotions on the side, I am sure Marie understands me; you got to keep on going, you got to listen to yourself, to your inner voice.
To add more, Marie's father has been feeling very sick last few days, weeks. Every now and then he goes to the hospital, the doctors do not know a lot about what is happening. They keep on running analysis after analysis. While they are walking in the dark, the man is getting thinner and thinner, he cannot eat because the issue is on his stomach. One afternoon he collapses in the middle of the living room, he starts telling Marie all the stuff she has to do after his death. Imagine that, her father to die as soon as I leave. Misery. I wish him well, I hope his body finds a way to recover.

Tallinn finds Pajkl and Pajkl finds Tallinn

A lot of stuff in my mind. I am busy with myself, preparation for the trip, keep up with the motivation, trying to see everyone one more time before I leave. Okay: breathe, we are doing it step by step. That is not it, there is more. Maja aka Pajkl aka Majanens arrives to the city of Tallinn. She is the youngest of my three sisters. What is she doing here? She got inspired by her brother, she is backpacking Europe, travelling by bus and train. What a surprise, she is doing exactly the same route as me with the bike.
I am waiting for her the first evening to get in touch with me by the phone; she does not give a damn. She goes to Mcdonald's, destroys her favourite menu, checks the news online and goes to a hostel. She decides to deal with me the next day.
We meet in the morning, I bring extra bike for us to cruise around the city. It starts raining heavily, we spend half of the day under random roof, talking and waiting for the rain to pass by. We spend the evening all together with Marie, cooking dinner, chatting; suddenly there is more Slovenian people in this apartment than Estonian. We all try our best, pretend to have good time; it is awkward, there are too many things going on.

Last day in Tallinn before my second start

All September feels like my last day in Tallinn, but today is really my last day before attacking Finland with the bike. I am full of flashbacks, I mean what the hell just happened in the last three months. Got here as a vagabond, created a completely new life in Tallinn — tomorrow leaving again as a vagabond, back to the never ending road.
Feeling very sentimental, I have to push myself to do basic activities like grocery shopping, packing clothes and equipment. However, I know how this game goes. When I feel the cold and adrenaline on the bike tomorrow, there will be no time for "nice and dreamy" feelings, my brain will get busy with the new environment.
I buy more food for the road than usual, because the prices in Finland are higher. I spend all the evening packing clothes; from 8 pm until 2 in the morning, like I am doing it for the first time. Do you remember, when I said I was going to stay in Tallinn for three weeks? If I stayed one more week, all together it would be exactly three months. I absolutely love this place; but now, Tallinn, you need to let me go.

[2016-09-24] Estonia — Finland: Tallinn — Vantaa, 2597 km

On the ferry

Packing until 2 in the morning, waking up at 5 am, 6:30 am is the latest check in for the ferry. The company is called Tallink, they charge 22 Euro to go one way (Tallinn — Helsinki), they want 5 Euro extra for the bicycle.
People on the ferry: highly motivated for having coffee and snacks; I am too cheap for that. Folks are all about the food, I am thinking about the pedals. When they let me off the ferry, it is going to look like a dog getting off the chain. I am walking up and down the ship, warming up like Rocky in the ring.
Let's check the deck on top of the ferry. Get fucked; the wind is so strong, for a moment I think the door is going to fly off the hook. Who cares about the view anyway, there is only water around, let's go check other departments of the ship.

Where is Maja?

Have I mentioned Maja is also on board? She wants to see Helsinki. The thing is, I cannot find her on the ship. We did the boarding on separately, you have two categories: with or without vehicles. The ferry is quite huge, it has three floors for the vehicles, four floors with restaurants, coffee shops, casinos. The ferries I am used to, they have one floor for everything — Jadrolinija, transport service for Croatian islands.
I check all the floors, no result. It would be nice to find her, we can put the luggage together and maybe have a short nap, it was a short night. At info desk: "Is it possible to have a look if passenger with a name Maja has checked in?" The lady behind the front desk confirms, she must be somewhere on the ship.
Approximately 2 hours are needed for the ferry to cover distance of 80 km: Tallinn — Helsinki; 7:30 am — 9:30 am. After an hour and a half, when I am making third circle around the ship, I notice her in a corner taking a nap on comfy sofa. She does not seem worried of not being able to find me. I have been around this corner so many times, yet I haven't seen her.
I will have a seat, maybe try to have a quick nap. "Dear passengers, we would like to inform you..." Great, fantastic. Before I have a chance to close my eyes for a moment, the lady behind the speakers tells us, we are going to reach Helsinki dock in 15 minutes. With other words: take your crap, be ready to get off.

New cyclist on board

Off the ferry. I don't know what kind of plans Maja has, she did not say anything specific. Walk through Helsinki, maybe go eat something, then I will cycle north, and Majkl can do whatever she wants. At one point she shoots out, what if we cycled to Nordkapp together. I am not going to say I did not think about it, but I didn't want to say it out loud, because equipment.
Pajkl is a sporty person, no doubt she could cycle all the way up, but where are we going to get the equipment to cycle? Getting stuff can be annoying task, especially if you are on a budget. We are in the middle of Helsinki, the standard here is higher compared to the rest of Europe. I don't even want to look at the prices; who has the energy to deal with this now.
Of course, Pajkl gave the idea; Žiga you do the rest — you are a specialist in cycling and bike gear. "Excuse me, we need a bike shop, where could we find a bike shop?" People on the street point us to the nearest shop. Everything looks shiny and pricy, I believe this is not the right place — you don't get a bicycle under 1000 Euro. "Excuse me sir, is there anything cheaper around in Helsinki?" Everybody speaks English, the communication is not a problem at all.
Apparently there is a place called "Bicyclean Helsinki", they sell and rent used bikes and equipment. Feels like a light of hope in a big dark tunnel; nobody believes the duo trip could actually happen. The shop is on another side of the city; it takes a while to get there, because Maja is on foot. Few 100 m before the store, the road ascends — Maja decides, she is going to wait at the bottom, she sits on the wall. It is like: go check by yourself, then tell me there is nothing for us.
Low expectation, when I enter Bicyclean Helsinki. I start scanning the shop with my eyes, it doesn't take long to notice. Madrid Spartano — manufacture year: it's a secret, nobody knows; color: blue; tyres: 26 inch, enduro type; style: sporty with the rear trunk. It is not the bike someone would dream about riding Helsinki — Nordkapp with it (cca 1700 km), but for our situation it is perfect. A service has been made, the chain is new, the brakes are new, the wires are new. The salesman — Norberto from Venezuela — starts explaining, he also has two used waterproof Ortlieb bags to sell. Money wise, we have a great deal. Norberto is ready to sell the bicycle for 120 Euro and two Ortlieb bags for 50 Euro. This is exactly the picture I was hoping to find, you cannot go much cheaper than this.
I call Maja from the distance to come and check the machine I have just found. She absolutely loves the bike. I am not surprised, you can see it in her eyes how strongly she wishes to do the trip. She would take any bike offered, as long as you can pedal it and it moves forward; this is what I call motivation. The rest of the equipment is bought in XXL store. It is a huge place, where you can buy anything from golf to camping gear. My tent is one person only. She buys her own tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, plus cycling clothes for wet and dry; in numbers, we are talking extra 400 Euro.
Pajkl is going from zero to fully equipped in one day for cca 600 Euro. To compare with, it took me 3 months in Ljubljana to gather all the equipment, maybe I spent 100 Euro less. She has all the gear I have, she has reserve tyre tubes, minus bike service tools — that is ok, I have got that covered for both of us. It is official, we have a new cyclist on board — Pajkl Maja. Now we just have to cycle 1700 km.

First few kilometers with Madrid Spartano

It is 9-10 pm, when we are ready with the gear, ready to start cycling. The plan is to get out of the city, find a camping spot, pitch both tents and have tuna fish from the can with garlic. When I see Pajkl on the bike — smaller, enduro / cross tyres, it is hilarious, I cannot stop laughing.
First problem arises, Spartano does not want to shift gears. No panic, just the wire got stuck. After 22 km we find a camping spot. Pitch your tent, eat your tuna and let's call it a day. I get into my tent, Pajkl gets into her tent, after couple of minutes I can hear her snoring. At midnight, the temperature is +9 °C, which is not bad at all.

[2016-09-25] Finland: Vantaa — Lahti, 2690 km

Marin San Francisco vs Madrid Spartano

No more fooling around, it is full cycling day. We kill 90 km. It is Pajkl's first full day on the bicycle. When I started the trip in Ljubljana, I covered 50 km during my first day. We have to be honest, it is a difference between my bike (Marin San Francisco) and her bike (Madrid Spartano). Marin San Francisco: 28 inch tyres, inflate 50 to 85 PSI, marathon road type tyres. Madrid Spartano: 26 inch tyres, inflate 35 to 50 PSI, cross / enduro type tyres.
When I go easy tempo, Pajkl has to pedal hard; she has to put much more effort into cycling. I practically don't sweat, meanwhile her shirt is completely wet. She needs to get used to the seat, she says it is hard as a rock. This is all normal, she is going to get used to it, after few days it is going to feel like sitting on a couch. The game involves a bit of pain; what matters, we are moving forward.

Hippy Finn Anni

We reach Lahti, isn't that Anni? How do I know? She just introduced to us, she is on some kind of Pony bicycle. She tells us to go to city park, they are giving away free soup, pancakes, hot tea or cacao. It is a huge queue, that is fine, we always have time for free food. A guy is playing piano on his bike, somehow it is both attached together. Cheers to whatever we are celebrating, we like it here.
If I am not wrong, ski jumping is popular in Lahti. I think we have seen big massive constructions before reaching the city center; I believe they host ski jumping competition every year.

[2016-09-26] Finland: Lahti — Hartola, 2780 km

Grandpa and 12 °C lake

It is 7 am, time to wake up, pack the stuff on the bike. My phone map application shows a lake not far away; we decide to cycle and have breakfast there. Next to the lake, it is official camping spot, not crowded at this time of the year.
While eating aside of the lake, grandpa comes in his swimming suit, takes thermometer out of the water and shows it in front of my face. We are getting a lecture from the grandpa, the thermometer says 12 °C. He uses the ladder to descent slowly towards the water, swims few circles, gets out, does pushups and leaves without saying a single word. He does not have to say anything. It is all clear, he showed us how it's done, now it's our turn.
We make a plan with Pajkl: (1) finish the food (2) have a shit in forest (3) go for a swim in the lake. Point one, point two done, point three: the water is cold as fuck, I scream like a little girl when my body touches the water. It goes somehow like: 20 minutes of mental preparation, 10 minutes to get inside, half a second to get out of the water.

Aunt Rita has a weekend house in Slovenia

Quick stop in Heinola, the clouds make space for the sun to shine on Earth. Having a snack, chilling on the grass, aunt Rita comes out of nowhere. Classical story with people, they are curious, what is going on with these two loaded bicycles.
"Oh, you are from Slovenia?" Rita says they have a weekend house in Slovenia: Podgorica, Planina 43 — the last house on the left. They have indian tent on the garden, the place is more than 1000 m above the sea. She tells us to come for a visit, when we are around. This is all nice and cool, but what about making coffee and offering few biscuits right now? Who cares about Podgorica, Planina and indian tent, we are in Finland! Aunt Rita, next time we see each other, please more action, less talking.

Jet planes on highway

Around town called Lusi, jet planes start flying above our heads; the sound they produce is pretty loud. We stop next to the road, we meet Markku, from Finnish Aviation Museum Vantaa Airport, he holds a big camera in his hand. Excuse me sir, would you be so kind to give us an explanation of what is going on over here?
Markku explains, the Finns close the highway at least once per year to enable jet pilots to have a ground for training. Before the event, the highway gets cleaned, many people come see how the boys practice maneuvering with the jets. Interesting, which driving category do you need for this toy? We tell Markku our story, he takes a picture of us. Nobody ask us, if we want to have a ride with the jet, so we decide to leave.

Third shit in one day

Are we still on the right road? Nobody likes the gravel. Pajkl goes to the forest, it is already the third time she is having a shit during one day; I am jealous, I went only once. Shopping in K-Market, they provide a pipe with water, great opportunity to brush your teeth. Majkl is having a thought of having a bath or at least wash her legs in the sink — we both decide that would be one step too much.
It is dark outside, what time is it? It is not 8 pm yet, the day is getting shorter. Maybe it would not be a bad idea to buy front and back light for the bicycle? By 10 pm we are both in our tents, it is zzZzz time. At exactly 22:04, Maja starts snoring. 90 km today, we are getting there.

[2016-09-27] Finland: Hartola — Jyväskylä, 2885 km

Time	8:00	15:00	22:00
Temperature	5 °C	15 °C	8 °C

Temperature log

Since my watch (Suunto Ambit3 Peak) supports a thermometer, I decide to include temperature log three times per day into my diary. We shall soon see how cold will it get.

Trip hygiene

Foggy and cold in the morning, 15 °C during the day. Very good temperature for cycling: you are not cold, you are not hot, you are not going to freeze, you are not going to get sun burnt; pure pleasure. We stop near a lake at 14:30, it is snack time.
I have to admit, since having Maja on board as a cycling buddy, the hygiene of the trip got on a higher level. She forces using wet tissues and washing yourself in lakes a lot. If you ask me, I am happy as long as I keep brushing my teeth — who cares if my feet, my underarm, my ass stinks. Surely when it gets all itchy, it is time to apply some water.

Local bike racers vs Pajkl

Afternoon cycling — local bike racers get behind us. These guys have a tip-top gear, probably one wheel costs more than my entire bicycle. Pajkl is behind me, they are closing the gap. One comes parallel to her and asks where is she going with her machine. The guys are a bit surprised when they see the bike Pajkl is riding.
Maja gets caught in the moment, she is too ashamed to tell the truth of cycling with such a vintage bike to Nordkapp. She says we are cycling only a bit around, no long distances. The guys move on, I almost fall off my bike laughing when I hear the story.

Around in Jyväskylä

We reach Jyväskylä, let's go for a city ride and play a tourist. Few pictures, teenagers wearing animal costumes, dancing on the street — whatever, to Lidl to buy food.
Grocery shopping can be exhausting; we are too picky, we are too cheap. We spend way too much time in the store checking, comparing the prices; at the end, I am pretty sure it is not worth it. You spend few cents less, but you spend an hour more. The mentality "go cheap as much as possible" got stuck too deep in our mind. We get out of the store, it is dark already.

Pitching a tent

Hop on the bike, out of the city centre, camping spot hunt: mode on. People take good care of their gardens, we like that — freshly mown grass looks nice. We pick our spot. Not much left to be done tonight: dinner, then go sleep.
How many days has it been for Maja to be on the trip? When did she become so fast? She pitches her tent, she changes her clothes, she gives her feet a massage, she eats, the next second she is sleeping already. Meanwhile I am still considering how to pitch my tent: parallel, under the tree, is the ground soft enough, be careful of the tree roots, how to turn it for my legs not to be upside down...

[2016-09-28] Finland: Jyväskylä — Kannonkoski, 2975 km

Time	8:00	15:00	22:00
Temperature	11 °C	12 °C	10 °C

Tent comparison

Tents are on my mind, let's do a quick study. Pajkl's tent: 30 Euro, one layer, sticks go diagonal. Žiga's tent: 70 Euro, two layers, sticks go parallel.
One layer tent is easier and faster to pitch; but regarding the quality, two layers means better. Human body radiates the heat, which means higher temperature inside the tent than outside during the night. Due to temperature differences: water drops are collected on the wall of the tent. If the wall is one layer — you touch it, you get wet. If the wall has two layers: the layer on the outside collects the water, the layer on the inside stays dry. You are safe from the moisture.
About the sticks, to give tent a volume. Diagonal version: tent keeps a volume after you are done inserting the sticks. Parallel version: you need to insert sticks, you also need to apply hooks to the ground if you don't want your tent to collapse and lose the volume. If you want to set up your tent, where the ground is hard, you got a problem. In this scenario, the diagonal version wins.
To conclude, the best tent would be: cheap, lightweight, two layers wall, diagonal version of sticks.

"We live here" garden

It is 7 am, are we going to wake up or what? I believe Majkl disagrees, she is snoring, she is not done yet. Half an hour later, when we are both busy packing gear on the bike, a lady passes by. She is walking her dog, opens her mouth: "We live here". It looks like we crashed on her garden.
Pajkl makes a tactical move of not saying anything; classical move: wait for other people to respond. Since I am "other people", I step to the front and start with the explanation of cycling and camping. It is not a big deal, the lady looks nice, she nods her head to confirm receiving the info, smiles and keeps on moving.
Did she understand or not? Who knows, we are off anyway. Breakfast at nearby bus stop, my watch sensors beep "storm alarm". Change of the air pressure, higher to lower — rain coming?

"Smile for camera" farm house

Few rain drops during the day, nothing extreme. Cycling, lunch time, cycling, shopping in Lidl, rain gear on, cycling.
Late in the afternoon, we start checking out the spots to spend the night. Nobody likes setting up a camp when it is wet and rainy. We ride through a village, there is always an alternative to your tent in urban districts: bus stops, chapels, abandon houses, and so on. We want something to keep us dry and protect us against the wind.
Old farm house on the right, nowadays probably used as a countryside weekend house. Having a look around to get familiar with the place. No people on the sight, lots of random stuff: an old Peugeot car in a garage, mechanic tools, small mowing tractor. It says "Smile for camera" on the front door of the main house — I don't believe it buddy, it is just a sticker. Even if there is one, I am not going anywhere, I like it here.
The main house is locked, we are not going to break into it. On the other side of the yard, there is a ladder, you can climb up and reach the spot where dried grass is stored. I think the owners would not mind if we spend the night here, I don't see a sign "No cyclists". Yap, decision has been made, this is the spot. We set up only Majkl's tent, it is enough space for two people, we are going to squeeze somehow.
Only delicious stuff for dinner: ham, cheese, garlic, Ciabatta bread with olives, yoghurt, donuts with marmalade. Freaking best part of the day.
Down the ladder, we find a power outlet with extension; charge your phone or your personal computer. You heard it right: Pajkl carries her 17 inch laptop on the trunk of her bike. You never know, when you have to make a drawing in AutoCAD for your client or watch part of your favourite TV series. We are all comfortable after dinner, we are watching an episode of "How I Met Your Mother". Nothing to complain about. Luxury life. By the way, it is raining outside.

[2016-09-29] Finland: Kannonkoski — Pihtipudas, 3060 km

Time	9:00	15:00	20:00
Temperature	12 °C	13 °C	10 °C

Morning poop

I am climbing down the ladder, Maja is one step ahead of me. She is going for the grass, she is looking for a spot to mark her territory. Pajkl might look like a thin, innocent girl, but she is a true poop machine! Sometimes I go and check what kind of a product does she make with her ass, then I can compare her stuff with mine. Why am I doing that? People are weird.
We start cycling at 11 am — annoying dogs, they bark like they would know we are not from here. The road is under construction, an opportunity for Madrid Spartano and it's off-road setup to shine! After 40 km: Lidl. It has become a ritual: whenever we see the market Lidl, we go in and buy food. Lidl is a big Europe grocery market chain, we have it in Slovenia. It is familiar, we know it is cheap, we know what to expect, we automatically go for it.
It always sucks to get out of the store: the cold, the wind, right back at your face. You need to jump on the bike as pronto as possible to raise your heart pulse and warm up your body.

"Pizza and grill" overnight

We are on the road 4, whatever this means; the asphalt is really smooth, the bike tyre runs perfectly. At 6 pm: rain. We go for a shelter we notice on left side of the road. It is a pizza-grill place, probably open only during summer. We change for the wet setup, while the rain starts going heavier and heavier. A decision has been made, enough of cycling for today, we are going to camp and spend the night at the grill base.
We are doing whatever we are doing, when a car comes and stops at the base. A natural reaction: we go hide, pretend nobody is here and look at the situation behind the cover. Random uncle comes out of the car, he has to pee. Back in the car, at one point he is holding a gun in his hands — aam, what? Is this the time when you start running, dig a hole — no panic, he is just putting a rain cover over it. Were we noticed? Probably yes, because of the tent and stuff around it. He stays in the car for 15 more minutes, talking on a phone, then he drives off.
The grill base is a popular destination for drivers passing by, everybody wants to stop and go for a pee. It is not easy to relax when people are coming and going constantly.
Another Finn comes, he walks right up to us. We start talking, his English is so so. I tell him we are cycling from Slovenia. We got caught by the rain, we are forced to spend the night here. He knows Slovenia, he was skiing in Kranjska Gora. We keep talking about random stuff. I am trying to figure out why we are still talking, when he shows with his finger, he is the owner of this place. Alright, makes sense now.
Is it cool, for us to spend the night? He nods with his head, what other choice does he have? The tent is out, another tent is hooked on the side to work as wind protection, the clothes are hanging everywhere to dry, it is like in a gipsy camp. Did uncle with the gun call the owner? Probably, it doesn't matter, it is all arranged now. It is raining, the wind is blowing, we go inside the tent at 9 pm. There is a lot of traffic, we need to filter the noise and get some sleep.

[2016-09-30] Finland: Pihtipudas — Siikalatva, 3167 km

Time	9:00	15:00	20:00
Temperature	9 °C	11 °C	/

Breakfast with Suunto almost gone missing

It was raining, the wind was blowing all night long, it was not easy to sleep. New day on the horizon: we hope for a better weather.
Time for breakfast — a bus comes, full of kids. They check, they touch everything around, they go directly for the spot where I am measuring the air temperature with my Suunto watch, which represents the most expensive part of my gear collection. Everybody knows, I am very sensitive when it comes to that piece of my equipment.
I have to get there otherwise this is not going to end well. They are unhooking the watch from the bar. If I was waiting few seconds longer, the watch would already have been on the bus. I make a friendly roar to let them know who is the king of the jungle, I mean who is the owner of the watch, they start running all directions. Good, I am not happy though. Is a dog happy when interrupted during a meal, I don't think so.

Cycling tactics

Cycle start at 11 am — is it just a feeling or do we start cycling every day later? The rain is gone, we are on a good track. We developed a motivational system: for every 10 km cycled, each of us gets one piece of chocolate and a bit of water.
We need to change the cycling rhythm. In summer time, I always had a midday break: time for lunch, hide in shadow not to get sun burnt. Summer days are long, you can cycle in the morning, you can cycle late in the afternoon. In autumn, when the daylight is short, maybe it is better not to stop during the day, you lose a lot of time. We decide to have small snacks while riding instead stopping for lunch.
Pajkl shows me her shirt, it is completely wet. She has to push much harder with her smaller bike to keep up with the tempo. It is never okay for both of us: if we go too slow, I feel cold on the bike; we go faster, she is sweating. If I go faster without waiting for her, she gets angry. When you think about it, anger is good for cycling, it gives you inner strength to pedal.

Private room full of junk

107 km behind us, Maja did not sweat for nothing. In the last few days, we got used to sleeping in some kind of shelters, we would like to keep it up in the same spirit, the weather is unpredictable. We go through a village to check for potential "crash overnight" spots. Everything that looks half abandoned, old, has a lock on the door; these people don't want to host uninvited cyclists — fair enough.
Pajkl has enough of lurking around. First house on the left, she goes and asks if they have a small spot somewhere under the roof for two cyclists overnight — very direct and clear. She comes back with a phone number, the guy she was speaking with is not from here, he is going to sleep at his girlfriend's place tonight, we should call the number in the evening — wait, what is this bullshit? We want straight yes or no. This is clearly a "no", let's move on.
We are trying our luck at the farm across the street. Two guys come out of the house, one looks sillier than another. Frankly, these two don't look like being up for a hosting game and cultural exchange. They speak only Finnish, we do understand when they are trying to point us to a hotel.
Maja does not give up, she decides this is a good moment to go for more sophisticated English words. She tries to explain them, we don't want to sleep in the living room of their house, the "barn" would be fine. I don't understand the word "barn", how should they? They get lost when you say "hello"; you can speak with them only using your hands or showing objects around. The conversation does not lead to anything.
Should we go ask, bother people further or just pinch the tent somewhere under the sky and get over it? What the hell, let's do one more.
There is one uncle we are looking at, he is chopping the wood. Around the house, there is a lot of junk, all kinds of car parts. We make the move and ask for a piece of roof overnight. He does not understand, he starts smiling and shows us to wait a bit. He runs into the house, comes back with his son, who is 15 years old and can speak English.
We explain the situation to the kid, he translates it to his father. The message is received, uncle starts scratching his head. He starts smiling, it is time for action. In front of the main house, there is a side building with a bed inside in one of the rooms — good news, perfect. Bad news, the room is full of junk up to the ceiling.
The uncle gives us instructions: take a piece of junk from the room and drop it in the garage. Repeat until the bed in emptied. The work is done in 10 minutes, everybody is on the job. Except Maja, I don't know what she is doing. She finds the situation extremely hilarious, she cannot hold her laughter. 15 minutes ago we were complete strangers, now we are moving junk together.
We get comfortable in the room in no time. After dinner: "How I Met Your Mother" is scheduled; we have electricity, we have the computer. Turn off the light at 10 pm. One part of the brain is sleeping, another part is speculating: will there be eggs in the morning, is breakfast included?

[2016-10-01] Finland: Siikalatva — Oulu, 3270 km

Time	9:00	15:00	20:00
Temperature	7 °C	/	/

"Wuum wuum, paaf"

The night was not as warm as expected. I wake up in the morning, I see Maja with her laptop inside her sleeping bag. That's one way how to use a laptop: as a personal heating system.
Uncle is awake, I go say hi to let him know we are still here. He nods, he smiles, he doesn't say anything about the breakfast. That's what I thought, no eggs with bacon included, this is not a bed & breakfast deal.
We smash are own food supplies. Grab a piece of paper, let's write a "thank you" note with our contact — for the family and the kid, maybe he will be doing Erasmus or something in Slovenia one day; we can catch up, return a favour.
The bikes are ready, are we doing a photo or what? Papa uncle runs into the house, he wants one picture with his phone also. He is all over the place, taking photos with one hand, fixing a car with another — he already has customers, there is something wrong with the white van. The owner of the van and Majkl, they both feel chatty, they start a mechanical discussion of what might have caused an engine problem. "Wuum, wuum, paaf", that is how the debate sounds like.

Cycling snacks

We start cycling at 10:30, there is sun waiting for us. This is nice, better than rain. Like mentioned yesterday, we use a dog technique to keep us motivated: for every 10 km, you get a small reward. At 50 km: a piece of chocolate, water, one candy each; at 70 km: water, two cookies each; at 80 km: chocolate + candy.
The sun feels nice — it is cold. We are both equipped with Nike footwear — summer edition. At 90 km, we reach Oulu. Where is the nearest store? What about getting some extra socks, gloves, and who knows what else? There is McDonald's, do we need internet?

Rolfi in the house

It is 5:30 pm, we are cycling through the city center, when Rolf makes an approach. Curious dude, he wants to know all the shit: what, from where, why, where are we going to sleep, have we ever heard about warmshowers.com — online platform for cyclists?
I think we all know where this is going. Yes Rolfi, if you really insist, we will not act hard to get, you are welcome to host us. He can offer us a garage, the guest room is taken for tonight, his daughter is having a sleepover with her friends. No drama, no panic, no problemo; we are easy guests, we don't need a lot to be happy.
Mr Rolf is a teacher in elementary school, he is around 40 years old. He decides to cancel all his afternoon duties, he is going to show us around the city instead. Do we remember Nokia cellphones? Nokia has headquarters in Oulu. The company used to have more than 1000 employees, nowadays around 10. Big boys on the big positions made some poor decisions, and voila, the curves went down.
Rolfi gives us a lecture: it is not very wise to ride to Nordkapp at this time, it can get below zero seriously, better do it in summer time. Before finishing a sentence, there is a new story ready on the tip of his tongue. Last year in January, he hosted a French dude, who was cycling Tallinn — Saint Petersburg — Helsinki in -30 °C. Holy fucking cow, I am freezing just by listening to the story, what a madman.
The city excursion is over, we are in Rolfi's kitchen. He says, we can eat whatever we find in the fridge. Don't encourage us too much buddy, we are never going to leave. There are boiled eggs on the table, his wife serves us pancakes and icecream — damn, heaven for any cyclist.
While eating, we are listening to the story about a cyclist, hosted by Rolf. He was so hungry, he did not move away from the table the whole evening. According to the hospitality of the house, I bet he didn't.
We get to meet Rolfi's daughter, she speaks English like a professor at the age of 12. At one point, Rolfi starts walking around half naked, he is losing clothes every new minute. What kind of Finnish ritual is this? "Guys, hurry up, sauna is getting ready". Oh, okay. I cannot decide, should I stick with pancakes or go for sauna first? Alright, alright, let's decide — sauna first, then return to the table.
Oh man, the heat just killed me, I think I am more tired from sauna than cycling. Rolf shares another story: as usual, he was hosting a cyclist, he invited him to the sauna, the guy could not handle the heat, he crashed in the middle of the bathroom. I can definitively relate to the story: the heat, the temperature is exhausting; it kills you if you are not used to it.
We are back at the table, someone farts — was it Rolfi or Pajkl, we all act like nothing happened. The debate is on until midnight, I hardly keep my eyes open, I am tired as fuck. Rolfi's wife does not talk a lot, maybe she finishes like two sentences in the whole evening. No worries, Rolfič has got that section covered, he talks for two. I am in my sleeping bag at 01:30 am. I am done.

[2016-10-02] Finland: Oulu — Kemi, 3385 km

Time	9:00	16:00	21:00
Temperature	8 °C	10 °C	8 °C

At Rolfi's

Sleeping in the garage — a good experience, I would recommend. We got guidelines: "You can use whatever you find lying around." We found rugs, air mattresses; it worked good as extra layers to put on the floor. Moving into the house to check what is new compared to yesterday.
These guys, they definitively know how to treat a cyclist: coffee, tea, ham & melted cheese with bread, pancakes with redberry marmalade and icecream. Toilet service: meanwhile you are doing it, you can listen and relax to the sounds of the piano — Rolf is a decent piano man.

Not the nicest shortcut

The plan was to hit the road early today, can we make it 160 km in a day and reach Rovaniemi? I highly doubt it, it's almost 12:00 and we are about to start cycling, too late. The daylight is relatively short, and we are not equipped for night riding.
Why do we want to reach Rovaniemi? Do we remember, when I was in Bratislava, I met that chap Janne while crashing the Couchsurfing meeting. Cool guy, he invited me to stop at his place when passing the town. He has plenty of space for random homeless people, travelers and cyclists.
There is no way, we are going to make 160 km. We have a decent pace throughout the day, it is 7 pm, 112 km cycled, the daylight is gone. At 80 km we tried to go for a shortcut, off the main asphalt connection to follow the gravel road. Terrible decision: the road was getting nasty with small, sharp rocks, luckily no one smashed the tyre, only losing time. At one point we turned and went back to the main connection.

Dude playing with fire

Current location: Kemi, which is positioned next to the Baltic Sea. We cycle around, looking for a spot to spend the night. Look over there, it might be the official beach of the city. It has those little houses / huts, where you can change your clothes. The youth probably come here to make out, hook up with chicas, have the first beer of their life — cyclists come here to spend the night.
Enough space to fit both of our bikes, plus one tent in the changing area. We are done with the camp installation, when a dude arrives to the scene. He sits next to the hut, he is wearing a hat and headphones. With Pajkl, we decide we are going to be quiet and just wait for him to get out of here. I mean, how long can it take? We are not in the mood to interact. Probably he is going to smoke one and then join the rest of the crew for a party.
I'll tell you what, he starts making fire, and it sounds like — is our buddy sharpening his knife? This is Maja's theory, our mind always tries to produce the scariest story; I believe he is playing with his Zippo lighter. The new friend is definitively not in a hurry; and here we are, hiding and holding still in a hut.
Who's idea was to be quiet, pretend not to be here? If we were loud, let this dude see us straight from the beginning, he would have been gone by now. It takes one fat hour for him to take off. We are hungry, we are cold, we didn't want to make any noise by changing our clothes. What a silly, awkward situation.

[2016-10-03] Finland: Kemi — Rovaniemi, 3510 km

Time	9:00	16:00	21:00
Temperature	1 °C	7 °C	0 °C

Forest and the moose

The thermometer shows 1 °C in the morning. Holy shit, where is the hat buddy and his fire now? We kill puddings for breakfast, then rush to a store to warm up and buy more food.
Back on track, I reckon we are entering Finnish Lapland. All you can see: trees, road in the middle, and then more trees. Hehe, what pops up in my mind? Back in Tallinn, in the library, I was reading an interesting article: "Top 10 Aggressive Animals" — moose was on the list.
Guess what, there is a shitload of them in the forest of Lapland. For visual presentation, a video was attached: guy shooting against a moose. The guy was on a snowmobile and the moose was charging against him. The moose didn't like the snowmobile brand, was it hungry, was it having a bad day? No clue what was going on in the background.
I tell Maja about the article, so we can share the fear together; why should I be the only one creeped out? Are you kidding me, is that a moose crossing the road? I can definitively see two of them. Mother of God, they are H-U-G-E, that is almost the size of an elephant. It's getting darker, our cycling pace is getting faster and faster, nobody wants to stay behind. The moose article, the crossing moose, the forest, the darkness — everything combined together is a good motivation to speed up with cycling.
A short break at 90 km; have some air, drink water. "Alright Majč, I have to take a leak. You can keep on going, I'm going to catch up". I spend few more minutes on the phone — Pajkl comes back, cycling backwards, there are three moose blocking the road.

No lights on the bike

It gets dark, and we have no lights; the same song every freaking evening. What do we got? One tiny head lamp with dying batteries, two phones with a flashlight (also with limited electrical power). Maja is not in a good mood, she is not happy with the poor setup.
It is a bit thrilling to be honest, but yeah, dangerous. She is asking, why we are not better equipped with lights? No one planned about night cycling, when we were collecting, readjusting the gear for second part of the trip.
Maja decides, first chance we get, we are going to stop in a sports shop and get ourselves look like a Christmas tree. Despite all the technical difficulties, we keep going, we want to sleep at Janne's tonight.

No phone number, no door bell, no hot spot

We reach the Rovaniemi sign, it is a beautiful sign, we are both happy to see it. No time for tourism and sightseeing, let's get straight to the address that Janne sent me over Messenger. It is a bit tricky to find a building with the right number, the numbers go a bit "zig zag".
We got it, there is a main door to enter the building. A note on the door, saying: "The main entrance is locked after 8 pm". What time is it? It is 10 pm, beautiful. We are trying to find a door bell — are you serious, there is no door bell, who built this? The door is locked, there is no door bell, I don't have Janne's phone number, and I cannot reach him over Facebook, because I have no connection. Sweet.
The plan is to go find wifi or someone with internet connection. A railway station is across the street; not going to work, it is closed. A lady is walking on the other side of the road, let's ask her. I start talking confidently about the web, internet, hot spot — is it possible to make a hot spot on your phone, I would really appreciate having an internet access for few minutes? This grandma has absolutely no clue what I am talking about.
Okay, let's find another person and try again. She also does not know what I am trying to achieve. "But there is internet at McDonald's", it is just behind the corner. Success, the communication is solved, we get Janne on the line, he is going to wait for us in front of the building and take us to his apartment.
What a nice, warm, comfortable place this is. He lives alone, I didn't know he has a 4 year old son. When did this happen? Do the math Žiga, it probably happened 5 years ago. Janne made cup cakes, nice gesture. We go full force over the plate with Maja, while spitting moose and other cycling stories. We are awake until three in the morning.
During summer time: Janne works in Santa Claus Village (yap, Santa bloke is from Rovaniemi); during winter: he works as a ski instructor. We are in between seasons now, which means Janne has plenty of time for random guests and cyclists. Perfect.

[2016-10-04] Finland: Rovaniemi, 3510 km

From sauna to river

We sleep until 11 am: breakfast, coffee, easy, attacking the fridge. The plan for today: go to summer house to test a sauna. It is 20 minutes away by car. Janne teaches us: sauna is heated by the wood, it's not one of those modern electrical craps.
We stop in the store to get food: sausages, French salad, beer. After arrival, prework needs to be done: (1) campfire for the food; (2) heat up the sauna. Funny thing, we are in the middle of the forest, and we are out of the wood. Janne says, no worries, our neighbour has more. Apparently they have an agreement, they can take each others' stuff when in need. Works for me, let's fire up the sauna.
Oh yeah, I feel like a true Finn while hot air is baking me. 15 m away, there is a river, you can probably imagine what follows. The procedure is: sauna, jump to the river, sauna, jump to the river again; in 20 minutes intervals.
It is a bit of kamikaze method, you hope your heart will somehow manage to survive getting fucked by temperature differences. The feeling is great though. It resets your body, I feel like I just got manufactured, assembled in a factory. Highly recommended method after cycling Lapland in October.
We are baking / cooling ourselves for two hours, I am absolutely a dead man at the end. We are driving back to Janne's apartment, I hardly keep my eyes open. They want to stop in a store again. We see socks made of merino wool or something, they look comfy and warm. These might come handy later during the trip, we each get a pair with Maja. We buy more food. I am too tired to think, check the prices / labels; throw whatever inside the trolley.

[2016-10-05] Finland: Rovaniemi, 3510 km

Santa Claus Village

A lot of Chinese in Santa Claus Village: they take pictures, write letters, take more pictures with another gadget, look at decoration items like they are all amazing, shop random crap. Classical Chinese tourists, you find them in every European toilet.
So, how exciting is this place? We have the main building with the fancy setup, it all looks nice and shiny: reindeer and gifts. You can queue to meet Santa, pay 30 Euro for the official photos (no personal cameras allowed) and make business owners happy. The amusement park is being under construction right now, all the rest are shops with high valuable crap.
The Arctic Circle goes through the village, a bit of geography and another gimmick to attract the tourists.
Are we meeting Santa or what? Everyone can meet and talk to him, no ticket required. Santa seems nice, friendly and soft. It is not easy to be Santa, he has to speak a lot of different languages, the kids come from everywhere. Santa gets worried, when Maja tells him our story of cycling to the north: "What if there is going to be snow?" "You are going to help us then Santa", replies Maja. Santa Claus nods and starts smiling, hehe.

Aurora Borealis

In the evening, Janne takes us out, we are on a hunt for Northern Lights aka Aurora Borealis. He knows a spot where to observe this nature phenomena. It is tricky, it doesn't happen everyday, it is not like you can open your apartment window at any time and look at Aurora from your bathtub.
Tonight, it is magnitude 4 — Janne says, this is good, the chances are high for it to happen. Still, we might wait the whole evening for Auroras, and there are going to be none. You have to pay attention: you go for a snack to your car, you miss it; it might show up for few minutes, then disappear.
We are lucky, we get clear Aurora Borealis lights for 15 minutes. Imagine having a rainbow at night, that's how it looks like, colors are not the same though. The most common Aurora Borealis is green; if the sky feels kinky enough, you can get pink, blue, yellow. We have a photo session with Janne's high tech camera and yeah, we are getting cold. Interesting experience, everybody is grateful, but we also have to rest on the sofa — Janne possesses comfy furniture. We will be back in the arms of cold mother nature soon enough with Majč.

[2016-10-06] Finland: Rovaniemi, 3510 km

Bike service

How am I going to remember the days spent at Janne's? Two keywords: food and chill. But not today boys, work needs to be done — bike service. I have to change the brake pads because the metal part started sliding against the rim when brakes are applied.
Majč is not sure what to do with her bicycle, I give her "Kettenschmierstoff" — German product, it is a fancy word for chain oil. She is not quite sure how to use it; she is going to learn after doing it few times.
Meanwhile Janne works hard in the kitchen, he is making a soup and pancakes. We appreciate the effort, it's all wonderful, just the quantity is a bit questionable. I jump in as an extra hand, two more pizzas go in the oven. We are not taking unnecessary risk when it comes to hunger.

Couchsurfing guests

We are being extra international tonight, we host a couple from Hungary. Funny scene: la chica is doing Erasmus in Rovaniemi, she lives here. But apparently there is no space for her boyfriend in her room, because she shares it with a flatmate.
We all know the story in the background, right? Do I have to say it loud? She is hungry for the "D" and vice versa (NB: "D" as a dick). They could not get rid of the annoying flatmate, they tried their luck with Couchsurfing. Horny bastards, they are lucky, because Janne is giving them the privacy of his room.
Janne gets inspired by the couple, he decides to ditch his place and go visit his girlfriend. Smart move.

[2016-10-07] Finland: Rovaniemi, 3510 km

Last sauna and beer

How does that saying go: all good things come to an end? Time to get our asses back on the bikes. We are out of pizza flour, the bikes are all set up, the temperatures are — amm? Cold, but inside acceptable.
Last relaxation in the afternoon: sauna and beer. We are hyped, we are leaving tomorrow.

[2016-10-08] Finland: Rovaniemi — Korvala, 3577 km

Time	9:00	15:00	21:00
Temperature	/	7 °C	6 °C

Always so much to do before leaving

The alarm clock goes off at 8 am, we get up at 9 am, we start cycling at 2 pm. I thought we were ready, packed, hyped, to start the day early; we act like a group of ladies, who needs few hours of preparation in the morning to get their day rolling.
No one is packed, we take time to talk about Putin during a breakfast, brush teeth thoroughly with toothpaste for three days in advance. Ohh, the batteries in the head lamp are dead — Janne, do we have spare?
Janne is an angel, he offers us extra pair of his winter edition socks, we can also take his thick sleeping bag (extreme conditions: -15 °C). Majč, quickly, let's pack it on the bike, before he changes his mind. OK, thanks, goodbye, see you! Oh no, we forgot to take the picture. I have to go take a piss, no one thought about pumping the bike tyres, ahh.

Wood hut with dry grass

Positive cycling spirit in the team, it is relatively warm, pleasant day for biking. We notice a small wood hut on the right side of the road, I can see myself sleeping in there. Is it for animals, is it for storage?
The floor is covered with dry grass, looks super soft and warm, grass is a good insulator. It is 18:00, we did 67 km. We could cycle more, but we both like it here. Let's call it a day and set up the hut for sleeping.
Organization, we split the tasks: Maja is going to set up the hut, I will try to make a fire. We do not need it, it is warm enough, we have got dry food that needs no thermal processing. We are doing it for the atmosphere and to practice — we might need fire in the upcoming days.
There is plenty of wood lying on the ground, the thing is: it is moisty. Good thing: we have a lot of dry grass available. If we cannot make fire now, we are never going to make it. It takes time, but we nail it. Dinner: boiled eggs sponsored by Janne, ham, bread — baked on fire for a warmer feeling, pudding and chocolate for dessert. It is 22:00, Pajkl is being a classical Pajkl, she falls asleep in a minute. I am updating my diary.

[2016-10-09] Finland: Korvala — Sodankylä, 3647 km

Time	11:00	15:00	23:00
Temperature	6 °C	6 °C	3 °C

Buy a candle

We make fire in the morning, what a shame we got no sausages, it would be nice to grill for breakfast. We check out from our "hotel room" and get on the bikes at 12 am.
Someone might wonder, how does it feel to cycle through Finland in October? Your feet and your hands are always cold. I put the rain gear on, to have protection against wind; merino sheep socks on my hands as gloves.
We reach a town called Sodankylä, the protocol to follow: pit stop in the market Lidl. To buy: potatoes and sausages, we want to grill — we are dreaming about it since the morning. Maja suggests buying a candle, a flash in her mind: she remembers a documentary, they said a tiny candle can raise the temperature in a tent for few degrees. Is that worth trying?

Weekend houses advanced experience

Soon after shopping, still in Sodankylä, we notice an area full of weekend houses. It is 18:00, good timing to start looking for overnight spot.
We have a walk around to confirm our theory, this is a weekend / summer area, no permanent residents. Are the doors locked? Unfortunately yes, nowadays there is no trust among people. Majority of the houses look pretty sweet. The toilets are old school though, the ones with no water system. Toilet area is separated from the rest, the doors are left open, I don't find a single one to be locked.
Random basement: not locked, let's see what they got in there: beer, potatoes, is that a champagne? You know what, I am pretty sure the Finns (and the Gods) would not mind if we each take one beer and few potatoes from the basement. We got here by bikes in the middle of October, we deserve it. We leave the champagne untouched, it is not a new year's eve.
I need to take a shit, I already know which toilet I will be using. It is fully equipped, it is the king of all the toilets I checked around here. It has toilet paper; it has a set of magazines in case you get bored; the toilet seat is made out of styrofoam (for a warm and cosy feeling). You are supplied with sawdust, which is used at the end as final touch to cover up the products from your ass. A1 old school toilet experience — if you ever happen to cycle around here, I do recommend.
Having a shit at one place, grabbing a beer at another, and we are camping at the 3rd location; so nobody gets jealous we did not use their facilities. Maja made fire, the sausage grill fiesta is on. A lake is few steps away — we are experimenting to make a tea: boiling water with Bronhi candies.
Making the fire, playing with it, grilling on the fire, all nice and fun, but it takes a lot of time at the end to clean and wash all the gear you used. It is already half past midnight. It is much faster, easier to open a tuna can.
We are going to sleep next to a campfire, using air mattress and sleeping bag, no tent. What does the temperature say? It is 3 °C.

[2016-10-10] Finland: Sodankylä — Tankavaara, 3742 km

Time	11:00	15:00	20:00
Temperature	3 °C	2 °C	0 °C

Night duties with the fire

It is a night, I should be sleeping, why am I not sleeping? It is a pleasant feeling to have a campfire during the night, but this is not an automatic system.
Someone has to wake up every now and then to keep the fire going, wood logs do not jump by themselves on the fire. When I say "someone", I mean "myself". I am the one located closer to the fire, I guess I get the job without any questions.
The fire stops at around 3 am. Maja is waking me up: "There is no fire, the fire is gone". She starts explaining, she tried to keep it alive by throwing a fat heavy wood log (from the spot where she sleeps), but it did not work. It was too late, the fire was already too small. I get out of the sleeping bag to light up the shit again.
We feel very motivated in the morning, we are going to start early and smash 150 km. Not going to happen, we are too busy making tea, coffee, sausages, melting cheese on bread, trying to get leftovers from a bottom of the glass of Choco Duo. Before leaving, we tidy up the place, it looks better than before we have arrived.

White horses in the wild

We ride. My underarms are sweaty, left foot is good, my right foot is freezing, also my left hand is freezing. After 15 minutes, it is just the other way around; does someone understand how do our bodies work? I am confused.
Majč says, she can see white horses. What, where? Nah, these are not horses, Lapland does not have wild horses, I would say these are white goats; hmm, but goats are much smaller. We keep seeing white animals in the forest along the road, at one point it finally rings a bell. These are reindeer — a lot of them are white, some are brown, and some are both white and brown. What are they doing in the forest, aren't they suppose to be helping Santa, shooting a commercial for Coca-Cola?

Inside the Indian tent

It is 18:00, we have done 95 km, we are checking places where to spend the night. A house with extra facilities around, there might be something for us. All the doors are locked, we are not crashing on the sofas in the living room.
Available options: (a) toilet; (b) Indian tent. The tent is made out of wood, in the middle it has a marked spot for fire. There is not a lot of space inside, but we like it; this is the spot for tonight.
Random crap lying around the house, we bring everything that might come handy into the Indian tent: a chair to drop the luggage, a carpet for extra isolation off the ground. On the other side of the backyard, there is enough wood for the whole winter. We use a nearby sledge to carry the wood logs to the tent. It doesn't run smoothly, because there is grass on the ground, not snow. It is not as easy as it looked at the beginning.
Do we know a saying: fire means life? When you are spending the night outside at 0 °C in a basic shelter, you get it. You don't want to be far away from the campfire, you want to hug it.
It takes time for us to make it work, which is normal, making fire outside is not like pressing a button. Maja is about to start panicking, because the fire doesn't want to grow fast. We need to be patient, it is working. Life does feel much better and secure once the flame expands.
Dinner time: ham, cheese, cucumbers, ciabatta bread with olives; marmalade, pudding, chocolate. We try to bake potatoes inside the burning ashes, we suck at it: either it's not done yet, or we leave it inside for too long and the potatoes get burnt.
The smoke of the fire is everywhere. It is crucial to keep your head low or you get all the smoke right into your eyes; it doesn't help wearing sunglasses.
I set up my alarm clock to go off every hour and a half during the night to supply the fire with wood in intervals. Time says 22:45. Maja clearly has enough for today, her spirit went to another planet. What is left is her body and the snoring.

[2016-10-11] Finland: Tankavaara — Ivalo, 3800 km

Time	11:00	15:00	21:00
Temperature	-1 °C	0 °C	/

In charge of fire, Pajkl in charge of sleeping

Another interesting night, the fire kept me busy until the morning, have I slept at all? I burnt all the wood we brought yesterday with the sledge. I am pretty sure it was minus during the night. It is 8 am and I can see the morning frost outside through the holes of the door. The trip is getting serious, with the temperature dropping below zero.
Maja does not look worried though, she is still sleeping, she has been sleeping all night long like a dead person, she did not move for a centimeter. Why would she, the fire was being taken care of; it was warm, it was soft, it was comfy.
Actually, she woke up once: because of the smoke. She got worried about a possibility of getting CO (carbon monoxide) intoxicated. I would say we are playing a safe game, our Indian tent has more holes than cheese, ventilation is not a problem. I am more worried how to keep the warm (intoxicated) gases inside.
It is tricky, the warm-cold transition, to say goodbye to the fire and go out to start cycling. We need to get into the hype, first 10 km to warm up the body is always the most difficult, after that it is autopilot mode.
We start cycling between 11 and 12 am, at the same time the sun comes out — we feel blessed. Not for long though, the weather changes every 20 minutes: sun and snow.

"You took a candy"

At Ivalo, 15:30, 58 km behind us. Meeting with Majč, shall we make a quick pit stop in the market? Getting food, that is always a good idea.
The plan was to go fast and easy, we do not need a lot. Our shopping trolley is getting loaded, it is half full with fruit, tortillas, bread, croissants, more bakery products, tuna, sweets, chocolate, more sweets.
Are those candies? Do you know those type of candies, that are stored / displayed in big "see through" boxes and you buy them per weight? They are not wrapped in any plastic, which technically means, you can try before buying it. How else would you know which one do you like the most without trying it first?
I try one, I try the second one, maybe I try one more. I am laughing at Maja not to be such a sissy and taste one. She is telling me to be careful, the market lady is playing a detective, she has been observing me for the last few minutes from behind the corner, she does not look happy. Whatever, let's pay for what we got in the trolley and get out of here, enough of goofing around.
My Maestro debit card gets declined twice — no clue what is going on, that rarely happens. We find out later, there is nothing wrong with the card, the issue is on their side, no proper signal on terminal devices. I think I have been warned about this: north of Finland, you cannot rely on paying by cards, better carry some cash.
"Majč, let's try with your card", I don't have enough cash on me to pay for this. Maja keeps her documents, her wallet, somewhere among the rest of the stuff on the bike, she has to go out of the store and search for it. Meanwhile I try to be a funny character with the cashier lady: "So, does it ever get boring on the job?" Pajkl comes back, she cannot find her wallet. She says, she is going to give it another try; alright, I am not going anywhere. Later that day, Pajkl finds out, she forgot her wallet in Rovaniemi, at Janne's place. My Maestro card (still) does not work, even when we slide it through a terminal for the third time.
Out of nowhere, a security dude appears, he asks me to step aside with him for a moment. Sure buddy, why not. He guides me to the storage area, it is pretty crowded: two police officers, market manager, market security specialist, who brought me there. The Finnish police authority aka Politsi would like to see my passport.
In scenarios like this I always like to hand them my driving license, which can work as identity card inside European Union, then I wait to see if they notice all the categories I am officially allowed to drive: tractor, motorcycle, truck; to mention only the most exotic.
Anyway, we are standing, nobody wants to say a word, everybody acting shy. If no one else, I will go with the introduction, asking what is the point of our little gathering. "You took a candy", goes a copper dead serious. I start laughing. I explain them, this behaviour is allowed in many countries, you need to test stuff before buying it. You do not buy new pants before trying if it fits, right?
The cops are nodding with their heads after I am done with my bullshit.
In Finland, this is not allowed, says the Politsi. It is not about one candy, it is about the principal: what I call testing, they call stealing. The gentlemen give me three options: (1) pay for candies I took; (2) pay for few kilos of candies, because I didn't use the spoon, my approach was not hygienic; (3) pay a fine for stealing, that is between 50 and 100 EUR.
These are fair offers, but I am afraid none is going to work. The guys haven't heard yet, my debit card got declined three times, I got no cash, I am not able to pay for anything.
Between you and me, I have got one 20 Euro bill, this one is for emergency only, I hid it inside my underwear.
The police officer is trying to make a conclusion: "So you are traveling in Finland with no money?" He makes a shocked expression on his face and continues: "This can be a big trouble." They tell me, they are going to drive me to the ATM to try withdraw some cash, I agree. Inside the police van, they don't let me seat in front with them, I have to seat at the back, in the criminal's area. The Politsi says, he hopes I get the money from the ATM machine, otherwise he does not know how we are going to solve the situation.
To be honest, I am thrilled about the action, it feels like being in a movie: getting to Finnish Lapland by bike, fighting cold and wild animals (moose), secretly testing sweets, getting caught by a market lady (who works undercover, she is actually a special security agent), at the end getting accused of stealing three candies by Finnish Politsi.
Secretly I wish the ATM machine would not give me cash, just to see what happens. Do I get to sleep in jail, am I forced to do a community service?
What a disappointment, the machine gives me money, I withdraw 40 EUR. My team drives me back to the market. I pay for the food, that is waiting for me at the check out, and that's it. Forget about candies and the fine, everybody is tired of dealing with me, they want me to grab my stuff and get the hell out of their sight.
Maja finds one rotten mandarin in the whole pack we bought, since we are teaching each other about principles, she goes back to the cashier lady to exchange the goods.
The market offers well maintained toilet facility for customers. Take a dump, wash your face, brush your teeth — we are not done quite yet, we will be around for a bit more. The sink is huge, do you think it is possible to have a shower in there?

Sisko and Alpi

Out of the store, ready to get back to cycling. Nap, negative, we are not going anywhere, we get denied by Madrid Spartano, Maja's bike: the rear tyre is flat.
Back to the market's building, nobody wants to deal with this outside, it is dark and cold. As soon as we step into the entry avenue, the security guy runs towards us, giving instructions: "Bicycles out!" Buddy, I know you are trying to do your job — if it was up to me, I would announce you as employee of the month and give you a chocolate — but at the moment, it would be lovely for you to show some understanding, you can see we have a flat tyre, right?
Tiny problem with Madrid Spartano: this is an old school assembly, you need a wrench to get tyres off the frame. I ask the security bud, if I could borrow some tools, it is the fastest way to get rid of us. He says he has got none, but maybe we can try at the gas station which is like 200 m away. He is such a liar, I am sure a market like this has basic tools in the storage area. I need a normal wrench: 10, 11, maybe size 13; he is too lazy to cooperate, too lazy to walk and have a look. I thought we were friends, after all we have been through today.
What time is it? It is 18:15. The conditions outside: dark, cold, below zero. I don't like the gas station idea. Even if we get the tools, then fixing the tyre, losing one hour, and then search for a place to crash the night?
This is the moment to go for the survival technique "from door to door". We got no time to lose, people are soon going to bed, nobody wants to answer the door late in the evening. The houses are there, we are going that way.
First house, first try, no filtering, no "I like that one better". I take the lead, I go straight for the door bell — super confident, like I live here and I just forgot my keys.
Elderly lady comes out, she must be more than 80 years old. I try optimistically: "Do you speak English?" She says, she speaks a little bit of German. Fuck yes grandma, "Wir sprechen auch Deutsch!" A bit of Deutsch, a bit of hands, we are going to nail it.
Maja gets invited into the living room, I am going to the garage to fix Maja's bike, the lady's husband leads the way, he speaks only Finnish. I am trying to keep my fellow entertained by showing him my engineering skills and tricks.
My mind is wondering: is Maja experienced enough, does she know what to do, is she capable of bringing the topic on the table and hook us up with the warm overnight? I hope so, otherwise I am just going to shoot it out, after I am done with the bike, and see what happens.
We reunite all together in the living room, I am nervous. It is coming, the moment of truth: inside at 23 °C or outside at -2 °C?
I like what I see, I like what I hear: Pajkl is not just seating there, being quiet like a big sack of misery; she talks, she waves with her hands, she is making a connection. Her German is weak, you are not going to convince her easily to try speak German, but tonight she is sprechen German like Angela! I don't say anything, I look Pajkl into her eyes — she is good, she knows what I am referring to. She nods with her head, gives me a thumbs up. Copy that soldier, it is arranged for tonight, I am telepathically applauding and giving a high five.
We move to the kitchen, there is hot tea, home baked pastry for everybody. Roller coaster day with a happy ending. I believe our little gathering works out good for all the participants: we are getting warm beds for the night, our hosts are getting more exciting evening compared to usual.
Sisko is 85 years old, she used to work in an office, Alpi is 87, he was a lumberjack; both of them have been retired for more than 30 years. They have one son, one daughter, they both moved towards south of Finland due to wider prospects of jobs available. Sisko calls her daughter and hands me the phone, her daughter is fluent in English. I explain her what is going on and express gratitude for her mother's hospitality.
We help Sisko tidy up the kitchen. She shows us where we can take a shower, we get to sleep in the spare room — it is a room with two beds, where their kids used to sleep. Victory.

[2016-10-12] Finland: Ivalo — Kielajoki, 3899 km

Time	9:00	15:00	23:00
Temperature	1 °C	7 °C	5 °C

Visiting grandma

Waking up in the morning, this house feels like I am on a visit at my grandma's. Sisko calls us at 8:30 am, the breakfast is ready, seat down and eat. On the table: tea, coffee, bread, butter, cheese, marmalade, redberries, some home made products where you use a spoon. Not to miss a taste, I go for a bit of everything that is on the table.
Alpi does not speak a word of any foreign language, but he wants to participate, he proudly shows me his digital device that measures temperature, it is +1 °C outside. It looks warmer compared to yesterday, the grass is green, not white. I check Madrid Spartano, the tyre that I patched yesterday, it looks ready for the road.
Group photo — wait a second, Sisko runs to the mirror, she wants to make sure her hair looks slick. We exchange home addresses, hugs, kisses. Take care you two, host more cyclists!

Dangerous parallel cycling

It doesn't look too bad on the road, it is sunny, it is 3 °C. At one point, a car overtakes us, the driver stops, he invites us to have a word with him.
He noticed us before, he would like to warn us about the way we cycle: it is very dangerous to ride "side by side" and not "one behind the other". Boss, I know you are trying to be nice and careful, I appreciate. It is very lovely, but there is more chance of getting hit by moose than a car in this area, there is no traffic. The Finns, super careful nation. Safety first, always.

First Nordkapp sign

What a change of events, yesterday: it looked like winter, it was snowing; today: all the surroundings is green, the temperature goes up to 8 °C.
First Nordkapp sign by the road, fuck yeah, history in the making. It is time for some pictures, maybe even a video, we have to document this major checkpoint of the trip. The sign is occupied with random stickers, it seems a very busy destination: motorcyclists, hitchhikers, cyclists, all kinds of travelers.
At the point of the sign, we turn left, the connection leads to Norway. A very annoying road awaits for us, going up and down non-(fucking)-stop. The wind blows right into your chest, slowing you down, sucking up your energy. The body gets heated up, clothes off — when was the last time I was riding in short sleeves?

Triangular camping spot

We almost reach a 100 km mark. It is getting late, it can be really annoying to search for a camping spot once it gets dark. Not a lot of villages around, from time to time you can see weekend houses, many are well hidden in the woods. We learnt a lesson: it is great to camp next to a house. If lucky, there is water, wood, maybe even electricity available.
We find a triangular looking, half closed wood construction. It has a roof, you are covered from one side, the other side is open, campfire in the middle. The frame is still being built, probably it is going to be a full closed hut at one point — but whatever, why am I explaining this!?
The neighbours, we like them: they left the fire wood ready, it is waiting for us in a wheelbarrow, nice gesture. Dinner time: (x)"open and warm up" 1 EUR spaghetti can from K Market; (x)sugar-foam sweets freshly baked on fire, sandwiched with crackers; (x)bread with cheese, melted on fire; (x)home made bonbon tea.
It is almost midnight, guess what: Pajkl is already in other dimension. I won't be guarding fire during the night this time, it is not that cold, it is around 5 °C.

[2016-10-13] Finland — Norway: Kielajoki — Karasjok, 3954 km

Time	10:00	15:00	20:00
Temperature	7 °C	7 °C	/

Air mattress leaks air

Technical issue arises during the night: I went to sleep on air, I wake up on the ground. My air mattress has enough of the trip — investigation shows, it leaks air at the valve. Janne's thick sleeping bag was being put on a test for the first time during the night, that thing is warm. The temperature seems very promising, why so warm suddenly? It is like 7 °C in the morning after waking up.
Since we have high quality facility at the hand, we make fire: sausages and hot tea for breakfast. Lake is few steps away, we got water as much as we want; and the neighbours have a big pot, we use it to boil the water. My apologies to the neighbours, during the heating process on fire, the pot goes from gray to black, it doesn't look so pretty anymore. Apart from that, when we leave, the place looks as tidy and clean as it was before our arrival.

Better shop before crossing border

We are attacking Norway today, the map shows, we have few 10 km to reach the border. The road is like yesterday: up and down, up and down, and more of up and down; no serious altitude change in one go. The constant switch of valleys and hills, it kills your body. Wind blowing to your chest, these are bonus points. Majč is shouting, that her bike hardly moves; with the wind it feels like moving backwards. You are doing a great job soldier, it is just the nature testing our character.
16:00, 40 km, we are the border: Finland — Norway. We are going to do shopping in the Finnish K-Market. We want to avoid Norwegian prices as much as possible, their standard is up in the sky, it can be a killer for a Balkan wallet. I have been warned by travellers and hosts: you do not fix your bike in Norway, too expensive; you do not drink a beer in Norway, supposedly it costs more than 10 EUR?
My debit card gets rejected, we have experienced that before; this time I have enough cash in my pocket. The bill says 15 EUR; we don't buy much, it is enough for a pack of bananas and carrots, what else did we buy?

Lonely barn

We cycle 55 km in total today, it is not our best day. It is less than 100, it is more than zero; what I am trying to say, the principle is fulfilled, we keep on moving forward. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to kill the kilometers.
We are crashing in a barn that we noticed from the road. The wood construction looks a bit shaky, we hope nothing collapses on our asses. We are isolated in the middle of the field, no neighbours nearby. Inside there is dry grass, chairs, table; animal shit is placed randomly on the floor, be careful.
Best part of the day in front of us, dinner time! Classic tuna fish with garlic and bread. Why not adding some ketchup, you know, to mix it up. We finish the meal with marmalade, milk and chocolate muesli. No fire tonight, there is no wood supply, plus the least we want is to burn this place down. We are much faster with the evening routine compared to yesterday, when we were busy with the fire. Yesterday we went to bed at midnight, tonight the lights go off before 9 pm.

[2016-10-14] Norway: Karasjok — Lakselv, 4055 km

Time	10:00	15:00	22:00
Temperature	3 °C	8 °C	6 °C

Cannot decide if it is cold or hot

Can you believe this: I wake up in the middle of the night — I am hot, I am sweating. How, isn't it supposed to be cold? With Majč, we share Janne's extra sleeping bag to cover our feet; apparently it is too much, too many layers.
I unzip my sleeping bag to get some air circulation. 15 minutes later: I am cold. Life: art of finding the right ratio, in every freaking situation.

Lady from Denmark explains geography

Hop on the bike at 10 am, few clouds in the sky, everything is just beautiful. When in Lakselv, we notice 1 hour of time difference between our and local devices. Damn, we move fast, flying through different time zones.
I see a lady walking not too far away, I want to ask her, why is it so warm, it is 8 °C. She explains me, it is because of the ocean. That is why the temperature difference between day and night is relatively small. About the "never ending wind": it is due to various air pressure above land VS above ocean. I like the temperature explanation, this means, the coldest part of the trip is behind us: Finnish Lapland and it's forest. I ask the lady, what is the conversion of Norwegian Crown to Euro? She doesn't know, she is from Denmark.
I thank her for the explanation and join Maja, she is talking to another local 200 m ahead of me. The conversation is not as smooth as it was mine, they are still debating about which language to go for. Maja's new buddy is explaining, he talks only basic English, but maybe we could communicate in Norwegian!? What!? Since when is Norwegian an international language?
The man is super nice, he wants to invite us for a coffee. It is a nice gesture, but what about cycling? I tell him, we are going to stop by on the way back, if that is fine with him. He agrees, he nods, and adds: "Free room, no money". You got yourself a deal man, see you on the way back.

Smashing wood on the ground

The road towards north from Lakselv leads next to the ocean; the nature, the view, the feeling is definitively different compared to riding in the middle of Finnish forests. We cycle 20 km more from Lakselv, this means we are finishing our day at total of 101 km.
We manage to find two empty properties: one has a huge backyard, it seems very lovely for camping; the other one looks more wild, not maintained, we would just like to borrow the wood to make fire.
Maja starts building up the camp, I take my bike and go for the wood. The idea is to use the bike's rear trunk for transportation. The houses are on the opposite side, they are few 100 m apart, road is in the middle. I load the bike, fix everything with elastic ropes, and wait for an empty road. I move too aggressively, try not to be spotted by car lights, I smash all the load on the ground; luckily it happens after crossing the road. What was that all about, why so much panic? Relax buddy, breath air and finish the job without rush.
Later, we light up the fire, what's on the menu: sausages, cheese, bread, ketchup, all grilled on fire. We both fall asleep before 10 pm.

[2016-10-15] Norway: Lakselv — Kafjord, 4160 km

Time	10:00	15:00	22:00
Temperature	6 °C	6 °C	/

Norwegian VS Finnish toilet

Snoring battle during the night: Žiga VS Maja; it is like a freestyle rap battle. Wake up at 8 am: fire, breakfast, pack up equipment, toilet.
The outside toilet is available; this means we can take a proper, relaxed, shit like humans. Quick toilet analysis: overall a good experience, I would recommend using the facility; but compared to the shit I was having in Sodankylä (Finland), I am not that thrilled. The Norwegians can learn from their neighbors, they are behind the Finns. Here we have a plastic toilet seat — it works, it is functional, but it doesn't give you that warm and welcome feeling compared to the Finnish styrofoam version.

Excitement: almost there!

Enough about toilets; the map shows it is 170 km to reach northernmost point of Europe. If we translate this to time, we should be there tomorrow — if weather, material and will is on our side. Hop on the bikes at 11 am, let's do this!
We don't have water. Nobody answers: first, second, neither the third door, maybe it is self service. I go around the house, have a look, I see water tube, fill up the bottles, thank your very much and ciao.
I am not sure what is happening, but the streets are full of people, cheering and shouting: YOU CAN DO IT, C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N-S! Of course this is not real, it is only happening in my mind, that is how I keep myself busy and entertained. There was one grandpa though, raising his hand, smiling and saying hello. I think they are used seeing cyclists on the road over here, Nordkapp is a popular traveler's destination. Say hi to grandpa and keep on rolling.

Kristine invites us for hot chocolate

Short 10 min stop at 2 pm, which at the end extends to 2 hours. Maja sees a power outlet, she wants to charge her phone. We don't know why, but her IPhone does not want to charge on my power bank. This is a chance to have a quick snack and apply oil on Madrid Spartano's chain, we have been listening to that squealing long enough.
An old lady is looking through a window — what is she looking at, what is her problem? My guess would be: she lives here, she is wondering what the hell is going on, who are these people on the bikes, using my electricity? She is curious, but scared, otherwise she would already have been outside.
Two ladies are walking their dogs, they are moving towards us. We smell, introduce each other like dogs, "Where to?" I say, we are cycling towards Iceland, is this the right direction? One of them is really up for jokes, she gets it immediately, her English is smooth, that was not expected. She explains, they don't live here, they are visiting for the weekend, she points towards their getaway house — it is the one with green-gray combination. We need to know exactly which one, because I invited ourselves for a hot chocolate. Kristine says, she will be waiting for us.
These kind of stops are not good for the movement, you know, covering a proper daily distance does not go well with chatting and drinking hot chocolate. I am thinking: the road is going to wait for us. When was the last time we got invited for a hot chocolate, you don't skip it.
We are in the kitchen, Kristine doesn't stop bringing food on the table, nobody is complaining; with Maja, we are both just seating and smiling. Kristine has three sons, she is 60 years old. She says she cannot help herself, her mother instinct fully kicks in, she cannot resist of not taking care of international kids, when she sees them out on the road. Not a long time ago, an American vagabond was hitching in front of their house, she invited him inside because nobody wanted to pick him up, and it was cold. He stayed with them for a couple of days.
Kristine belongs to Sami people, they have their own language and live in north area of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. She fluently speaks four languages: Sami language — this is her mother tongue, Norwegian, Finnish, and English. A secret of Sami people, how to keep your feet dry and warm: insert grass inside your shoes, it is going to absorb all the moist. When making fire, take out the grass from your shoes and dry it off, then you can put it back.
Because we are being such good kids, Kristine gives each of us a pair of thick wool socks, Maja also gets a special "Sami home made wool" no sleeve jacket, apparently it is warm and gets dry fast in case of sweating; our early Christmas gifts.
Photo session time, exchange of phone numbers, emails, home addresses. Thanks again Kristine for "hot chocolate". Already leaving, she comes running after us from behind the corner, she forgot to give us snacks for later; this is just above hospitality.

Solo player: John Asbjorn Utsi

Ride on, daylight is gone, it does not stop us, we keep on going. 20:30, we have covered 105 km. I don't like what I see up in the sky: gathering of many dark clouds. Wind starts blowing heavier, we can feel the rain drops. Do we have a plan? No shelters, no huts, no barns, no petrol stations, no bus stops around, the surrounding is plain landscape. Nobody feels like camping on the open, we are going to get blown away, plus camping in wet is trash.
Positive attitude and motivation also got blown away by the wind, Pajkl is all grumpy. She tries not to, she knows it is not going to help, but she cannot help herself, she drops few unnecessary comments. I tell her, doing such distance on the bike, you cannot expect to have sun and 20 °C every day; rain, wind, also snow in our case, it is all part of the game.
We see lights, there are two houses with lights on. No hesitation, we are going for it, even if it is late and we scare the shit out of people. Knock knock, anyone home, anyone here to answer the door?
John opens the door normally like he was waiting for us; around 60 years old, descent English. We explain the situation, ask if we could crash somewhere, maybe garage or barn? John does not complicate, we can sleep upstairs, there is plenty of room: three empty beds, he sleeps on a couch; step inside. He says, he is used to getting random, self invited guests; he is the only permanent inhabitant of the village, which represents one of few last populated bases before Nordkapp. Last year, in the middle of freaking December, 17 year old girl knocked on his door, going to Nordkapp on foot with her dog. She started from the bottom of Norway, the trip took her 5,5 months. Sounds like one hell of a brave chica to me.
John Asbjorn Utsi is a fisherman, he has two daughters, one son, with two different women. He is never getting married, because he likes it the way it is: solo life means "do whatever you want at any time", no "working and communicating together" bullshit — that is too exhausting, it is not worth the trouble, it is not for him. If you scan his coffee table in the living room, you can notice, he is able to find some company inside his magazines — you know, when loneliness strikes in.
He explains us, 20 years ago, the only way to get to Nordkapp was via ferry, nowadays a tunnel goes under water, it measures 7 km in length. Up to two years ago, you had to pay a ticket, nowadays you can go under water for free because the country got back the money that was initially invested. The tunnel was built between 1993 and 1999 — how does one build a tunnel under water, can you imagine the technology and machinery for a project like that? That must be some unreal engineering.
John does not own a car, because it costs too much and he does not really need it. To go buy food, he uses public transportation, the nearest market is in Honningsvag; the bus drives once per day. If you look at John, this guy does not eat a lot; he relies on tobacco, he smokes a cigarette after cigarette.
With Maja, we soon take over in the kitchen, hot tea and salami sounds nice. Mr Asbjorn Utsi is a very interesting guy; we talk, debate until two in the morning. Quick look through the window: it looks pretty wild outside, I would not want to mess with the nature. With this thought in my mind, if feels even better when you comfortably roll from one to the other side of warm and dry bed.

[2016-10-16] Norway: Kafjord — Nordkapp, 4220 km

Time	10:00	15:00	23:00
Temperature	3 °C	6 °C	4 °C

Hold your horses, not yet

Off at 8 am, full of enthusiasm and energy: boys, let's freaking do this, let's finish what we started a couple of months ago!
As soon as I look through a window, my enthusiastic face expression gets wiped off in blink of a second: it is a huge storm outside, lightening, rain, wind, dogs, cats, no joking around. We will have to wait for the weather to stabilize. We talked about weather with John yesterday. He told us, it is absolutely normal to see all four seasons of a year in one day — it can go from storm, wind, snow to sunny without any clouds in a couple of hours.
We get busy with regular stuff like breakfast, shower, toilet, meanwhile John does his thing: who knows what that is — he walks, makes circles around the house. Exactly at 13:00, the clouds shatters around, and make space for the sun to shine. With Pajkl, we don't hesitate much, let's pack up the bikes and hit the road. Almost ready to go — the rear tyre is flat again — Madrid Spartano, how come we didn't notice that earlier?
I have a close look, it is suspicious, why so many punctures on Maja's bike? The problem is not in the tube, tyre is completely worn off, you can see the stitches hardly holding together. There is not a lot we can do at this moment (no spare tyre), apart from patching the tube and hope for the tyre to last. It is only 60 km to reach the final destination, we will manage somehow the way back.
The team of four — Madrid Spartano, Pajkl, Marin San Francisco, Frlan — is ready for the final act! John: čaos, see you on the way back.

Last annoying valleys and hills

Leaving John's place: after 6 km, we reach Nordkapp Tunnelen — wild ride under water, it is on. First three kilometers, it is pure downhill — I take it with caution, meanwhile Maja goes nuts, full power, full speed. I hold my breath hoping her bike not to explode under all the loads, she really trusts her (cheap) gear.
After downhill, it is short flat, and then, you are fucked: last 3-4 km it is uphill only. You need to get from the lowest (under water) point back to above the surface. There are lights in the tunnel, it is still relatively dark. The temperature is refreshing; the sound is super loud, when cars are passing by. You cannot help yourself not to think, not to look, where the water is going to start leaking; but that is good, it motivates you to push yourself up the hill.
It is hot, we are sweating like pigs when getting out, I need a reward for that, where are the biscuits? Shorty after the tunnel, we cycle through Honningsvag, this is where John does his groceries; small town, it looks very lovely.
Less lovely are the last 20, 30 km before reaching northernmost point. In Honningsvag, you are zero above the sea, the road leads you up to climb 300 m. It is tiring, but you are happy, because you think there cannot be more of ascending; the final point is at around 300 m of altitude (I believe John told us that). Your mind makes a tick; we made it, we are through the nasty part, autopilot "mode on" and we are there. The road has different plans for you, it wants to make your body sweat until the very last kilometer. It leads you up and down several times, I lose the count of how many "this was the last one" have we said with Maja. 13 km to go, again down to the sea level.
Pajkl does not like it, she does not like it at all; she is more busy commenting than cycling the road. Nobody is enjoying downhill anymore — if you descent, you can expect another climb after that.
When everything annoys you, the best medicine is just to laugh. We have time, sooner or later we are going to climb that last, annoying hill.

Nordkapp

October 16, 20:45, ladies and gents, we have DONE it! We are standing at the sign: Nordkapp. I climb up the sign to celebrate — this better be a strong pole, it would not be pleasant to fall off and get injured.
Feeling, what is the feeling like? Earlier during the trip, I used to vision this picture many times, and it pushed, motivated me. Now, that I am here, it is just a normal, regular feeling, I am more thinking about tuna we are having later for dinner. Maybe in long trips like this, it is more about the day, when you start, that is the hardest point: to get your shit together and start the trip. The beginning is always scary, then you get used to it. After few days, it feels natural to sleep in a tent, wake up in the morning and start cycling.
From the other angle: start and finish, these are just two days out of few months. You need to fall in love with the process, find a bit of joy and satisfaction day after day. Every project comes with ups and downs, when things get difficult: stay calm, take a break, know that weak moments always come and go, have a look at the progress you have made so far. That is why I keep logging the kilometers: it is fun, it is "black on white" evidence I am making progress.
Compared to myself, I think I am more thrilled about Maja's achievement, she showed some hard core dedication. Jumping on the bike, worth 100 EUR — not at all suitable for long distances — keep the pace, average of 90 km per day, and ride it to the top; helmets off! According to our route, Helsinki — Nordkapp means 1645 km.
On a regular day in Nordkapp, there is high chance of clouds, wind; you cannot see your feet on the ground. We are lucky with Majč, the sky is clear, plus we get to see some Aurora Borealis. Not the regular green one, it is a threesome of green, pink and white; good timing. What else can you see and experience here? According to John the fisherman (Mr Asbjorn Utsi), it is just sea and rocks. And that is exactly what it is: cliff at the end with the view of endless sea.
If you get here in the middle of high season, like July, you walk on other people's feet. The obvious benefit, if you are here in the middle of October: no crowd; there are three cars on a parking lot tonight.
During summer, the place must be a money factory. There is a ramp to get in, you have to pay for the parking spot. The Norwegians built a huge building, where they sell snacks, souvenirs, serve coffee — people love that shit; free wifi is limited to half an hour. The official autumn open time is from 11:00 to 15:00, you are going to be charged 27 EUR to park your car. One way to outplay the system: get here by bike; hehe.
The official photo session is going to be held tomorrow, we need more light. We set up the camp on someone's porch (probably a restaurant during summer), trying to get covered from the wind. Where is that freaking tuna now!? High five Majč, well done!

[2016-10-17] Norway: Nordkapp — Lakselv

Nordkapp checked, what now?

What happens after reaching Norkdapp? Did someone give it a thought, I mean now what?
Two, three months ago, the plan was to go up north via Finland and go down back south via Norway / Sweden, then Denmark, Germany until back in the Balkan area. It is not going to happen, we will go down the same way via Finland, because: (1) Maja has booked a flight already, she is finishing her adventure in Rovaniemi; (2) I have got unfinished business in Tallinn, it is kind of a surprise, we will talk about it when I get there.
For the way back, we are slightly changing the trip rules. To make it more dynamic and interesting: hitchhiking is also allowed. To summarize: via north — only cycling, via south — cycling plus hitchhiking.

Getaway in white Volkswagen

I like the white Volkswagen van on the parking lot, if you know what I mean. "Hello hello, good morning", I say when walking by; and that's it for now, just showing some good social manners. It is one boy, one girl in the car, they got here yesterday like us, actually they did overtake us in the 7 km Nordkapp tunnel. They spent the night in the van.
A bit later, curiosity kicks in, they come talk to us, they want to know what the deal with the bicycle is. They are Italians, from Bergamo. 23 years old, school mates from high school, now they both live and work in Norway, trying to travel and explore as much as possible.
We chat about Norway, Aurora Borealis, Aurora Borealis pictures — yeah yeah, that was all yesterday, we have to focus on today. You have a really nice and spacious van, what about giving us a lift on the way back, is there any chance? 15 minutes later, the bikes and all other crap is loaded in the trunk of the van; that worked out pretty well.

Firefighters to the rescue!

The Italian amigos give us a lift down to Olderfjord (around 130 km), where we have to split. They continue south-west, direction central Norway; we need to keep south, south-east towards Finland. I am very excited, hitchhiking is a great idea, you kill a great distance in no time.
Two hours later, the excitement goes away: we are standing outside with our thumbs up at -1 °C, nobody wants to pick us up. It is not an easy task, I mean who has space for two people, two bikes, plus luggage?
We get tired of waiting, tired of being cold — hop on the bike, start pedaling, we need to warm up and think of a better hitchhiking strategy. I am losing my motivation, realizing it is going to be difficult to hitch with two bikes, and I have no desire cycling the same route the other way around. Maja takes the lead with inspiration and optimistic thoughts. We come up with idea, to cycle normally; when cars go by, we jump off the bike and try our luck with the thumbs.
It is not a bad tactic, four cars stop in the distance of 15 km, unfortunately nobody has enough space, nobody wants to get their car dirty by trying to fit the bikes inside.
It is getting dark. Everything is more dangerous and tricky when it is dark, but we insist, we keep fighting on the road. Firefighters! Who else is going to help us if not them? Two guys in a jeep; now we are four, plus the bikes. It is very tight, my ass is half off the seat, Maja's head is stuck with tyre's spokes. But it works, everything is according to the law, we are secured with the seat belts. The guys are driving to Lakselv, they have "fire something" training. Cool chaps, up for jokes.

The Norwegian Sudan family

Drop off at the gas station, cheers guys. It is cold as fuck outside! Do we remember that "free room, no money" dude who invited us for a coffee? That happened exactly in Lakselv. We are absolutely freezing. No voting, no debating, cycle directly into that dude's living room!
Ahmed Adam lives with his family, they are all super sweet. Originally they are from Sudan, it is their 5th year living in Norway. Three kids in the family, Ali the youngest has a lot of energy, making circles around the room like a fly. The kids are thrown out of their rooms (not literally), Ahmed the father gives them instruction to sleep in the main bedroom. With Majč, we are getting their beds for tonight.
The Sudan family takes good care of us, hungry? We politely said, we were not hungry that much (only a little bit), but we keep smashing everything that comes onto the table. Ahmed also thinks about the entertainment, he turns on the TV to watch Premier League: Manchester United VS Liverpool. I am pleasantly tired, resting on the couch, watching football, having snacks. Maja is less fortunate, she is hardly catching a break, Ali has all the energy in the world and wants to play.

[2016-10-18] Norway — Finland: Lakselv — Inari

Cupboard with "clean cups"

The Sudan family is gone in the morning, nobody knows when they are coming back. Communication in this house is on a shaky ground, we talk a language in between English-Norwegian-Arabic. Most of the time, you just have to guess / assume what is going on.
We are done with breakfast at 1 pm. Majč decides to do some general cleaning in the kitchen, it seems our hosts are too busy with their lives to have it under control. No judging, maybe this is just their style of tidiness and organization. You open a cupboard, which looks like a cupboard with clean cups, what you get it is: cup with tea from two days ago; cup with coffee from the last week; that's it, no more cups. Maybe it is a cupboard for dirty cups only, the question arises: where do they keep the clean cups then?
We are thinking about writing a thank you letter and having a go. The family might come back not sooner than the evening — wait, I take that back — white Golf III has just pulled over at the backyard.
We proceed with the "goodbye protocol": pictures, exchange of addresses, contacts, Viber / phone numbers, etc. I cannot imagine holding a conversation with Ahmed over the phone, we are fucked without being able to use the hands and rest of the body language.

Dan always keeps a piece of green in his pocket

It is 14:30, when we start moving. The same tactic as yesterday: cycle and hitchhike, when you see a car behind. After 40 km of that combination: cycling, jumping off the bike and thumbing, we get lucky.
White is our colour, Volkswagen is our badge: we get picked by a Transporter van. Dan, 26 years old, from Lakselv, is driving to Kirkenes, which means he can take us the way back to Finland. Dan tells us, he used to be a useless boy not until long time ago, then got himself a chica, started working, today he is a successful electrician. I ask him, how much money does he earn, what does "successful" mean in the world with numbers? I always like this question, many people get nervous, they don't want to share their financial income.
His earnings depend on how much he works, the number is not constant. The record from last season: he was working 12 hours every day, he made 40 000 EUR in three months. Fun fact, you can get 160 bicycles like mine for that kind of money. His job is mostly on the go, he moves around a lot, also in winter time, when the temperatures can drop to -50 °C. Dan's rule number one: always keep some green stuff in the pocket, you know, nobody wants to die sober at these temperatures. Hip hop is bumping out of speakers, we make 100 km together. Our road split 25 km before Inari; he continues towards Russia, he still got 160 km to go. Peace out brother, thanks for the ride.

One scared chica answers the door

How does it look outside? It is snowing easily, the temperature is 1 °C, time says 9 pm. Dan dropped us close to someone's front yard, we want to further test our luck sent from the Gods. "Knock knock" on the door, is anyone home?
Random grandparents answering the door do not show much enthusiasm, they want to send us 2 km back to a guesthouse. Their faces are not happy: who the fuck is bothering us, while we are watching our favorite TV show? With Maja, we soon realize, this train is not meant for us, keep on moving.
We cycle 15 km, we still feel chatty, still feel like bothering people at such a lovely evening. Let's try another household, this farm seems a cyclist friendly environment. One super scared chica comes out, like she has just seen a ghost, she admits herself she is scared to death. Her English is well spoken, but the current situation is beyond her knowledge and imagination. She cannot understand, why would someone cycle Finland in October, why would someone knock on people's door asking for a place to crash overnight? It is too much for her to process.
I explain her the concept of cycling, camping and all other stuff tour cyclists do; she cannot understand of what is going on, she is completely off. With Majč, we do our best to look nice and friendly, to give her enough space and time to respond. We are not asking for a spot in the house in her bedroom, I am pointing with my finger to the building, where they keep the machinery and other stuff for farming.
Everyone realizes, this is not going to work. The least we want is to be pushy, give someone a heart attack. The chica does not get / approve the concept, time to back off and move on. At least she will have something to think about before falling asleep. Enough of bothering, scaring people, let's just camp somewhere, eat that tuna and go to sleep. Not far away, we find a fisherman storage hut, we are staying here for the night.

[2016-10-19] Finland: Inari — Saariselkä

Speeding on road with Reindeer Ninja

We have an easy, lazy morning; back on the road at 13:30. We calculate: we are going to get picked by a car anyway, why bother starting early in the day.
After 15 km of cycling and hitching, we get picked by a ninja, Reindeer Ninja. He does not go far, he is driving to Ivalo; that's fine, every kilometer counts. We are flying on the road, overtaking all kinds of vehicles, the ninja does not have time and nerves to drive slow. It is a van with the trailer, I hope our bikes and gear are properly fixed with the ropes. I am checking in the mirrors: is the gear still on? Or did it start flying off the trailer?
Quick profile of our driver: he does all kinds of shit, he knows how to turn everything into business. It is 21st century, you need to learn how to convert your surroundings, your skills into paper. He organizes Aurora Borealis tours, he can hook you up with renting an apartment, he has his own, plus he is building more. He makes / produces, jackets, pants based on reindeer skin; he is absolutely multi talented.
He says, Aurora Borealis is such a good attraction, people go insane about it, they come from all over the world to see those lights. He shares a story of an Asian couple. The guy wanted to propose to his girlfriend under this amazing natural attraction. Ninja set up the romantic scenario, they were cruising on a lake, champagne bubbles were popping. It was getting intense, the only problem, the Gods did not approve the event, no lights in the sky, just the boring stars. It sure is possible, you fly from Asia, and then nothing happens. People like to forget there is no switch button for Aurora Borealis. Who knows, if the Asian couple still got married after that disaster of an evening.
Before dropping us off in Ivalo, we stop in the garbage disposal area. I give Ninja a hand with unloading the van, he carries some crap in the trunk he has to get rid off. Thanks for the ride, that was like a mini adventure. Ninja is busy, he is out of our sights. He has got projects to do, he has got paper to chase.

"200 per night room" jackpot

Back on dirty road with the thumbs up. The cars do stop. People are curious, what is going on; not enough space, folks should buy bigger cars. Vans and trailers, that is what we are hoping to arrive. Good thing is, we are at the countryside, people need bigger vehicles for their own needs. One hour later, it happens.
A man behind the wheel, around 50 years old, with advanced way of thinking: traveling is a good investment for everybody, you learn how to deal with all kind of different situations. Proud father of two kids, he talks about them a lot: what they have done so far and what are plans for the future. We keep up debating, when suddenly: "By the way, where are you going to sleep?" We both start smiling with Maja and reply at the same time: "Camping!" Our friendly guide goes quiet for a moment, he does calculation in his mind, then goes: "If you promise not to make any photos, I have a place for you two for tonight."
With Majč, we have no freaking idea what kind of jackpot just hit us. Our friendly human is in charge of luxury wooden cabins, he maintains the whole area. If you want to book this place, it is going to cost you 200 EUR per night: sauna, swimming pool, live fire, big screen TVs, Netflix; whatever pops up in your mind, they got it. A further instruction follows: "Open the fridge and eat whatever, as much as you want!" What are the chances, I mean, this is just fabulous. What a turn of events: instead of freezing during the night in a tent, we are going to get: sauna, jacuzzi, fridge full of sausages, swimming pool; you name it.
Pajkl and myself, we are super excited about everything, nobody wants to go to sleep. It is 3 in the morning, we want to extend this experience as much as possible. Our guide, sent from the Gods, does not want to share his name with us, he wants to stay anonymous. Officially, we have never met each other, the "dream night" has never happened. What cabins, what are you talking about? Was it all just a dream?

[2016-10-20] Finland: Saariselkä — Torvinen

Extra 130 km with Fairy Man

In the morning, the Fairy Man insists to give us another lift. He says he has a time window in his schedule, he can drive us few 10 km more towards south. I tell him, it is not necessary, he has done enough for us; but I am not going to argue, I am not going to fight his will.
In the van: with Maja, we let him talk, it seems he enjoys sharing his knowledge; that is fine for us, just listening and nodding. I like his boots, they look professional, the boots are high up to his knees. Usually we are the one, correction: I am the one, who does the talking. It may get tiring explaining the same cycling stories to different people over and over again. So it is fine, let him talk, and we listen.
Slowly I am starting to realize, why he likes us so much: he has two kids, one boy, one girl. He is very proud of them, they also travel, he misses them; do you see the connection? We are his kids for these two days; he needs someone to guide, to protect, to love. With Maja, we are more than happy to cover the empty roles.
Fairy Man keeps talking, he keeps driving. He said maximum 50 km, well: he drives us all the way down to Sodankylä, which means a distance of 130 km from the point we started. What else is there to say, thank you Fairy Man, we appreciate. An example of a great story for the book.

Warm night spent in sauna

To celebrate this amazing experience, we cycle to Lidl with Pajkl to treat ourselves with some croissants and have a thought about our next move.
We decide we want to cycle, it should feel good after such a long drive. We do 30 km, when we notice a lovely countryside house, a bit hidden behind the trees. It is not that late, we do not think about stopping yet, but still, let's have a look.
They have got a sauna, wood storage is nicely loaded, even one cabin with three beds is open and available; the main house is closed. The cabin feels a bit creepy, sauna seems more pleasant, a better option to crash. I can see myself sleeping in there: we have got the heating system, and it is just enough space for two people to stretch their legs.
We change our mind about wanting to cycle more. Let's fire up the sauna, bikes go under the roof, sausages go above the fire — that is the plan. Hmm, no running water. We find the valve, but it is closed. Probably they close it for the winter time: water freezing and pipes cracking; we will manage without. It is warm, we are dry, the sausages are getting smoked; what else can you wish for? Life is what? That's right, life is good.

[2016-10-21] Finland: Torvinen — Rovaniemi

Last Madrid Spartano's puncture

The night comes with variations, hot-cold variations. I find it difficult to regulate the optimum temperature. I fall asleep in my underwear, I should have gone easier by feeding the fire. We both wake up in the middle of the night: the fire is gone, time to put some clothes on, not that hot anymore. This still counts as pretty comfortable night.
It is around 100 km to reach Rovaniemi, we cannot decide with Majč, shall we cycle or hitchhike? Let's do both and see how it goes. The road feels good, we cycle, we do not bother drivers with the thumb. It goes smooth up to 50 km — Pajkl's bike, Madrid Spartano wants attention, the rear tyre is gone. We walk along up to the bus stop, who is doing what; the roles are: Žiga be the mechanic, Maja be the hitchhiker. Which method is going to be faster?
The bike, upside down, me fixing it, it is a good magnet for the drivers. Everybody wants to stop and help, our ride comes inside 15 minutes, when I am still playing with patches and the tube; it is unpleasant job when you have got cold hands. Load the car with bikes, we will be dealing with this later.
We get picked by a young fellow, driving back from Ivalo, where he was fishing, hunting birds. It is a ritual to supply yourself with enough food for the winter. Compared to our last driver, this one does not talk a lot, he is more calm and quiet. Why not, who needs noise all the time. He drops us off in center of Rovaniemi, in his garage, where I can finish fixing the rear tyre of Maja's bike. We appreciate that buddy.

Back in Rovaniemi at Janne's

Like true champs, we cycle from center to outside of Rovaniemi; we are back in the base, back at Janne's place. He has got few friends visiting, they play around in sauna — that is all good guys, don't get distracted, we will be alright. With Maja, we are more interested about the kitchen: it is baking time, it is pizza time.
Hmm, what is the plan after? I think we have reached another milestone of the trip: Maja flies out of the city in a couple of days, she is done with the bike, done with Finland. What about myself? No idea, I am picking my nose.

[2016-10-22] — [2016-10-27] Finland: Rovaniemi

Fin de Madrid Spartano and Pajkl

Time flies, it is 25th October, time to say goodbye to a co-pilot, Majč is boarding on her flight at Lapland Airport. The iconic bike: Madrid Spartano, which sucks up your energy pretty efficiently, but at the end gets you there, is staying here. The bike belongs to the land of Lapland, it's wild spirit could not survive in another country.
This chapter is finished, but the memories will remain forever! Let's stop for a moment to appreciate and acknowledge the following achievement: Tour de Lapland 2016, Helsinki to Nordkapp, 1645 km, checked! The award for extra enthusiasm and strong character goes to Pajkl; viva la aventura!

Public transport to Helsinki?

My motivation (after team reduction) went to hell. I do not feel hungry at all. I am checking public transport how to get to Helsinki, are there any cheap options? Onni Bus goes for 30 EUR, they do not allow bicycles on board. Going by train would cost me 80 EUR — sounds a lot to me.
Public transport feels like cheating, I think I am not able to do it, it feels like lying to myself. Fuck me, better start digging / searching for that motivation, because I will be hitting the road the same style if I like it or not; my journey is not done yet.
I am listening to the music, scratching my balls, my ass, checking weather through the window. I need to take a deep breath, man up, and hit the road; sooner the better. It would be the best to leave tomorrow. Time is not on my side, it is not getting any warmer outside. While packing, I notice, it started snowing heavily. This is going to be fun. Where is the global warming when you need one?

[2016-10-28] Finland: Rovaniemi — Kemi

Snow has vanished, go go go!

The snow from yesterday has vanished, construction workers are outside, hammering their jobs already like crazy. Busy people always inspire me, let's get those tyres rolling.
Before leaving, Janne messages a friend from Kemi, asking if there are any chances to host one freezing ass on the bike. Miika replies fast, he says "no problemo", let him come. Good thing, to have Janne in your team, saving your ass constantly. This is it, my friend. Keep warm, stay inside, drink hot tea, and never cycle Lapland at the end of October.
It is 115 km from Rovaniemi to Kemi — quite a distance, I do not have that many hours of daylight. I started late, at 12 am, I cannot afford more delays. I pedal my bike like I am in a race. No daydreaming, looking around for nature, no philosophy: just pedal and think about the warm, cozy spot in the evening, when you make it. I cycle 5, 6 hours in one go with one 10 minutes banana break. A crisis comes with 30 km to go — no snacks, no sweets at hand. What do we got? I am going to eat whatever we got. Deep down in the bag, I find one forgotten piece of pepper — the best one I have ever had.

Miika, Riina, two dogs, one cat

18:30, you have arrived at your destination! I get lost in Kemi few times, you need to be a wizard to move around here — river, sea, lakes, a labyrinth of bridges, it is complicated. When you see houses with Christmas lights and decoration, you realize once again how much you fucked up with the timing of the trip. I got my ass covered for tonight though: smiley_face.jpg.
Comfy couch, table full of tortillas, the heating is on; what a lovely welcome scene. I get to meet two dogs, one cat, Miika and his girlfriend Riina. They moved into the house this summer. The guys shine together, they both seem super happy. Miika is my age, the girl is just over 30 — quite an achievement to have your own house at this age, no?
I envy the dogs and the cat, they get a lot of attention. They have their own playground, they are served food; I would call it a privileged life. I talk a lot during the evening — my hosts hardly get a chance for a word or two; I almost forget to eat. Easy!

[2016-10-29] Finland: Kemi — Oulu

Two dogs, one cat, one me waiting for breakfast

I wake up at 9 am, the living room is empty. Who comes first to say hello? Both dogs and the cat. We are all hungry, we are all waiting for the owners to wake up and make breakfast. I am telling you, being a house pet, and to have owners that are crazy about you — it is the best life ever. You are expected to eat, play, hump, shit, take naps and you are always going to be a "good boy".
After waiting long enough, it is breakfast time: eggs, ham, cheese, cucumbers, peppers; full plate of options. Miika decides, he is going to cycle with me first 20 km. The engine is still warming up, when he says, he has got enough, he is heading back to his wife. I absolutely understand, he has got my full support; why cycle at 1 °C when you can play games with your wife under the blanket?
I like this guy, he has got great energy. The Finns do not talk a lot, but when they have got something to say, they are hilarious. Miika, Kemi, Mika Häkkinen, Kimi Räikkönen, I constantly get the images from Formula 1. Maybe Miika reminds me of Kimi, who is an absolute Formula 1 driver legend, maybe that is why I find him so funny.

Reporting in, back at Rolfi's

Plan for today: cycle down to Oulu. It has all been agreed already, Rolfi knows I am coming. We stayed at his place together with Maja, when we were heading up towards north. My snacks during the route of 105 km: 3 bananas, donut, two semi-sized chocolates with nuts, few sips of water. My mind is always on the food, I forget about the liquids, I should drink more.
Entering Rolfi's house like I am here everyday. What is the first thing to notice? The view of the table in the kitchen; not the table itself, more about what is on the table: home made pastry, boiled eggs, kebab beef meat with onion, ham, salad, cheese, bread, butter. Cyclists, they are something, aren't they? It is not enough hosting them, you have to feed them like dogs.
We are familiar of how it goes with Rolfi: meanwhile I am still having a battle with all of the delicious food, he is firing up the sauna. That thing always makes me super exhausted, it is not any different this time. I need to take it easy with the heat and temperature, I might pass out if I am getting roasted for too much time; yap, time for a break. Me getting busy in the toilet, Rolf playing sonatas on the piano as background music, this is how we roll in this house.
We debate about Finnish social system. The governmental financial support is very strong in the north of Finland, due to lack of job opportunities. The result is: people are not motivated to look for a job; if you get a job, you lose social bonuses. When people do the math, they prefer to pick an option with "job: no" and "social support: yes" than the other way around. Apparently it is enough money for a sandwich and a beer, plus you have a lot of free time to observe reindeer in the forest. Call me crazy, this sounds good to me.
For every newborn in the family, the country (Finland) sends you a baby starter pack, it includes: clothes, essential tools and toys. All the study material in primary school — textbooks, exercise books, are provided to kids for free. No worries for the parents, they can blow their money on something else. Since the support is huge, I forget to ask if there are any funds available for foreign cyclists? Pocket money for a sandwich, beer, reserve tyre, strip club?
After social society debate, we get back to cycling topics. Rolf shows me few data links, he has been following for a while: (1) universewithme.com — chica from South Korea; she cycles around the world, she did the whole Africa continent on the east side, Rolfi hosted her in Finland during winter time, this chica is fucking insane, hats off; (2) earthodyssey.net — a maniac from Australia, doing something similar, different style, hats off again; (3) bicycletraveler.nl (Bicycle Traveler Magazine) — international online platform, where random stories of cyclists are published. Strong will and power to all the fighters out there on the field!

[2016-10-30] Finland: Oulu — Jyväskylä

Oh no, again pancakes for breakfast?

Let's talk about food, it has been a while. I wake up in the morning, I see pancakes on the table, with icecream; next to it: ham, cheese, toasted bread. I love how this day is going so far (wake up, food on table), pure luxury up to this point.
Go outside and cycle at 0 °C or stay inside the whole day and eat pancakes, what would you pick? I vote for pancakes, I also kick myself in the ass, leaving Rolfi's house before 12 am. Time to wave goodbye to Rolfi, his family, and pancakes.

Samuli does not like skiing

On the menu for today: hitchhiking. The ideal script is, I get a ride to Jyväskylä, where a couch is waiting for me. Relation Oulu — Jyväskylä means the distance of 350 km.
I am not in the mood for hitchhiking at all. I keep telling myself, bro, you cannot make it by cycling to Jyväskylä in one day, use your thumb. After 45 km of fighting with myself, I slap my face: now you are going to stop your bike, put a smile on your face and raise your thumb. I start hitchhiking at 14:30, I get picked by Samuli at 14:45. He can give me a lift all the way down to Jyväskylä. 15 min of wait, one car connection — what a lucky bastard I am! First wheel and luggage off, the bike easily fits into the trunk of the car, no problem with space at all.
Samuli is an electrician, he is 39 years old, he drives a Volkswagen Passat Caravan with 800 000 km; the car must have been through a lot, but still going strong. He has got two daughters, he is divorced; currently dating third girlfriend after getting divorced. Samuli likes to spend his vacation in Norway: camping and fishing. What about winter time, skiing? Samuli says, he has tried skiing once. And, how did that go? "I went to a bar", dude replies without blinking his eye.
He gives me his contact, in case I am going to need a place to crash: Hämeenlinna (his home) or Oulu (summer house); just send him a text and it is a done deal. People like Samuli, they deserve a cookie; he takes one, I offer him more, he doesn't want more. He drops me off in the center of Jyväskylä. We tap each other's shoulder, few seconds later, he is gone.

Student campus with Olya

My solo way back south from Rovaniemi, it is going super smooth; I am moving fast, plus somehow I always end up with a warm place to crash overnight. What is the deal in Jyväskylä, where did the couch come from, if I don't know anyone from here?
I know Olya (Olga), she is from Moscow, this year studying in Jyväskylä. How and when did we meet? Janne was hosting her and her friend few days ago in Rovaniemi. She said she was studying in Jyväskylä, I said I was going towards Jyväskylä, one thing led to another, she generously offered a couch, and now we are both in Jyväskylä (I could also study here for a week or two).
Student fridge is always empty, we definitively need to go grocery shopping. To make a nice, lovely introduction to our time spent together, we are opening it with a pizza party.

[2016-10-31] — [2016-11-06] Finland: Jyväskylä

The mama role: cleaning and cooking

I spend first three days in the kitchen. I am in charge of cleaning and cooking, so the kids can focus to study.
During the trip, people have been super nice to me, they took care of me, I have gotten a lot of love, many breakfasts in the morning. This is a perfect opportunity to give some of it back and I am excited about it. It feels good when you take care of people, when you tell them stories, when you share positive attitude.
We are going to need some time around here to establish the comfortable zone, not everyone is thrilled when they see Indiana Jones walking through the kitchen door. One of the first days, I make a lot of food, and suddenly nobody is hungry, they all have had a snack, blah blah. You cannot fool me, I can hear your stomach crying. Please, everybody stop being super polite, it is not good math — stop listening to your mind, rather listen to your stomach. I have been in that skin, I know how it goes, being a student means being hungry all the time.
Hikari from Japan, I like her. She does not need any encouragement, she is simple, straightforward: she is being offered food, she says yes, no mind games. Hikari is lightweight, but she is able to destroy half of the big plate of pizza by herself.
Roxane from France, she is a bit more careful, we are going to need some time to build the relationship. It does not go well with the pizza, but it goes better when I make pancakes. She does not hold back anymore: she makes a record one evening, destroying 10+ of pancakes; good girl.

16 EUR for sushi, still hungry

We decide to go eat outside to a restaurant: try sushi, see if we handle using the sticks. Do we all know what sushi is? The most basic explanation from the web: raw fish with rice; and then you have different variations of that. The plates are huge, the food is small, majority of the plate is only decoration — I am losing faith about this dinner quite at early stage.
Discussion at the table is very international, we debate about Hong Kong: physically it is an island, it is located on the territory of China. They act like their own country, they have their own government. Hong Kong inhabitants are required to get an entry visa only for two countries: North Korea, Vietnam.
We are finished dining, 16 EUR per person, the waiter is waving goodbye. No bitching around, it is a fancy restaurant, you don't get menus for 5 EUR here. But it is still a sad moment paying 16 EUR and leaving the restaurant feeling like you could go for another Bic Mac menu. Next time I suggest to pick something old school, where it is more about the quantity than quality — I want my schnitzel to be hanging off the plate.

Fun facts about campus mates

During my "on campus" stay, I discover some fun facts about the college mates: (1) Olya (Olga), 20 years of age, Moscow — she does not know how to ride a bike; (2) Cindy, 2012 Facebook friends, Hong Kong — she does not know how to swim; (3) Ana, giving the impression of sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll, Madrid — raised in strong Catholic spirit, she goes to church every sunday, no sex before marriage.
The facts are not checked, but apparently it is all true. I think what shocks me the most, is the bike fact: how is it possible "not to know" how to ride a bike at the age of 20? What do you do then, when you are a kid?

Erasmus party at neighbors'

We are attending a party tonight at neighbors', are we even invited? The music is terrible, I am trying to find a fridge to get myself a drink. We are assuming it is a self service fiesta.
I sit down and listen to international debates, how the students think, how would they contribute to the world. Many are very business oriented; Enrique from Spain is passionately explaining how Erasmus experience is a top experience; Luiggi from Italy does not care about any global topics, his focus is on one really skinny chica — she needs someone to make her a sandwich.
I am asked about what course am I doing, I fit perfectly inside the campus environment, everyone is sure I am one of the students. So yeah, what course am I doing? I would call it the course of life, that is what I am doing. I am so proud, I have to mention I am wearing flip flops with the socks on. Outside on the balcony, I am lighting up a cigarette I got from a German pal; don't know how to smoke that shit, I just like the image of how bad ass do I look right now.
The majority leaves, just the cool kids stay; plus some more, who are also trying to become cool. The boys and the girls want to play "dare or truth", but without the dare part, just the truth. We are spinning the bottle — of course, as usual — mainly the sexual oriented topics pop up in the question zone. It comes the part, where everyone must impress their team mates with their amazing love-making stories. Suddenly it turns out everyone is super experienced sexual wise, everyone has got wild stories to tell. Bullshit, half of these youngsters have not gone further than "pornhub.com".
No judging though, peer pressure can be strong during the student phase. Sometimes you have to act up, lie (or better said: mislead) with the info to earn that credit of coolness. You want your buddies to like you, you want to convince them, you are as cool as them or even more. Back in times I used to be a true maestro of this game, making up such good fucking stories (literally), even I was impressed, even I believed that shit at the end.

One week in Jyväskylä, time to get going?

I have been in Jyväskylä for the whole week. It is fun being a student again, going to a library, smell the knowledge of the books, I even took one class: Spaniard Jesus talked about "Global Team Leadership". I get the enthusiasm now, kids around me want to become leaders.
If we dig up lightly about this place, it says: "JAMK University Of Applied Sciences is an international higher education institution with expertise in 8 different fields of study". About the capacity: "At JAMK we have more than 8500 students from over 70 countries". I am not their recruiter; for more, check their website.
My inner voice is saying: it is time, it is time to get going. To wrap up this week properly: it was pizza for intro, it has to be pizza for outro. Hence, pizza it is; mixed with general topics about life. Tomorrow: action!

[2016-11-07] Finland: Jyväskylä — Tampere

200 °C in the oven, -9 °C outside

Breakfast: five eggs with onion, leek and cheese. I forgot my plastic bottle outside (for drinking) last week; it is still water inside the bottle, frozen. I don't have time and patience to defrost that slowly, I throw it in the oven for 5 minutes, 200 °C. Something is burning, what a smart ass, I just burnt the plastic — you use 200 °C for baking pizza and not for defrosting plastic bottles. It is out of shape now, it is useless, I can throw it only into trash; great job buddy.
One week ago, when I arrived to Jyväskylä with Samuli, it was around 0 °C outside, today the thermometer shows -9 °C. Sometimes it seems like I am asking for more trouble: why not wait a bit more to cycle in proper winter, to have even more challenging conditions?

Snow, trucks, no grip

Ok buddy, it is all set and ready, the road is waiting for you. You were the main boss on Erasmus party few days ago with socks and flip flops, smoking cigarettes to look cool, being the biggest gangsta because you are a super duper traveler — now let's see how the "flip flops boss" rides his bike at -9 °C.
I start cycling at 9:30 am, the plan is to pedal 150 km and reach Tampere. It is absolutely freezing outside; I don't look at the temperature anymore, I don't want to know, is it getting worse or better. I am trying to convince my mind, it is not even that cold — good trick, I am still freezing like a stray dog. Apart from pedaling like a mad man and comforting my soft part of the mind (telling it, it is going to be over soon), there is not much I can do.
It is snowing lightly, the road does not get covered with snow, but still, there is no grip — the tyres are tiny, rolling surface of the tyre is small. The temperature is low, the road feels like ice; it does Not Feel Safe at all!
What makes the situation worse? Truck drivers. They drive dangerously close behind my back, they honk right behind my ass to scare the shit out of me, no safety distance when they overpass. Some of them are bored, some of them might want to cheer me up or let me know they are behind me. In any case, the horns are super dangerous, if it comes as a surprise. Combined with current circumstances, it is easy to lose balance on the bike, and land under the truck (good luck with that).
I am absolutely furious, cursing the drivers nonstop, sending them to all kinds of places; no joy, no pleasure at all. You have to be stubborn to keep going. I am, I am not stopping.

Via McDonald's to get my fingers back

I reach city center of Tampere at 17:00, very beautiful city — I don't care at all. I need a place with 20+ °C, I cannot feel my fingers, I want my fingers back.
My body needs more than half an hour to defrost; yeah baby, send me some warm blood to the fingers. I am not an expert how human bodies work, but when it is cold, when your system fails to keep your whole body warm, it has to start to prioritize. It starts sending warm blood only to vital organs; your feet, your hands are in the first row of getting cut off with warm blood supply.
The other downside with low temperatures: electronics and batteries are dying, nothing works. For tonight, I am hooked with "warmshowers.com", my host lives 8 km out of the city center. I don't feel like moving out from here, I would rather just sleep at McDonald's. Listen, stay with me buddy: if you did 150 km to reach Tampere, you can do 8 km more to get to your host.

Host Tuomas

Outside on the street, it is impossible to navigate using my dying phone. I am asking every person I see about the address "Insinöörinkatu 68", until I find the area.
I do not have difficulties finding the right street, but finding the right number, that shit is tricky; I am circling around like a chicken. It is dark, it is cold, I am tired, there is no one to ask; at one point I am seriously considering just crashing on the floor in a random building — I don't care and I got no energy left. Alright, alright, calm down, the hunt is over, we found the fucking building, it is that one.
Host Tuomas, one year older than me, he lives with his girlfriend, currently busy doing PhD based on the field of robotics. Free time: they both like to climb. Yes yes yes, all nice, very lovely, I am just asking you one thing: please do not turn the heating system off. If possible, I would jump into the oven and get smoked like a sausage on fire.
We talk, we are up until 1 am; I think we should go to sleep, I am not even in the mood of having a shower. I am horrified, I know I am fucked. Tomorrow is another cycling day, and it is going to be freaking cold like today.

[2016-11-08] Finland: Tampere — Hämeenlinna

Tuomas gives me socks, but takes the banana

I would rather not to, but it is morning, we all wake up. I can feel it, I don't feel as strong as usually. My nose is full, the cold from yesterday took it's toll.
Tuomas offers me his socks, feel free to take it because he has got too many. Never say no to: (a) food; (b) socks. Socks are handy; use it as socks, gloves, even as a hat, if they are big and able to stretch enough. I know whatever I put on my feet, I am still going to be cold. This pair from Tuomas is huge, I will use it as top layer over the shoes, maybe it adds some value.
There is a banana in the fruit basket, just one, I am calculating about the strategy how to get it. I don't want to force it, I mean I already had two eggs and cereal for the breakfast; maybe better just leave it there.
We are leaving the apartment, the banana is still in the basket. I want to open my mouth and ask about it, when Tuomas comes and throws the banana in his bag. Just like that, it was over, I have never seen that banana again. Alright, he bought it, they both skipped breakfast with his girlfriend; the man is going to need a snack.

No GPS, cycling cik-cak

On the bike: my phone's Maps.me navigation is cut off, because my battery has muchos problemos functioning when it is below zero. The result is a bit more panic in my head, few unnecessary excursions out of the itinerary, with the wind always blowing towards my chest.
— No, don't ask people around to confirm your direction, just cycle and hope you are still on the way towards south. That is the way to do it, who cares if you do few extra kilometers — the weather is nice, it is just -7 °C, you are full of energy, life is beautiful. —
My blood sugar level drops in the middle of the day (or something). I need snacks, where the snacks at? I need to find a shop urgently and destroy one big chocolate in few bites.

All clothes on, camping at -8 °C

The secret wish for today was to get to Helsinki. It does not look that way, I am around 100 km short. It is 4 pm when I reach Hämeenlinna, actually more like 5-ish; the daylight is gone, it seems this is it for today.
Where to sleep? I have got nothing arranged for tonight. I ride to a city park — not too big, I need to figure out something. I am going for a piss, when I notice a spot: several trees forming kind of a circle, with enough space in the middle, let's say for a tent and a bike.
I check my watch, it says -8 °C; alright, it could have been -20 °C, right? Somehow, I am not able to decide, if that's the spot or not, let's say: if I am able to pitch my tent, if the steel pins go into the ground (the ground seems hard and frozen), then I am staying. I cannot do it, I am going full force trying to push the pin into the ground, it does not move for a centimeter. I give it another try at slightly different location. Pushing it harder, this time I nail it like a professional driller. I got my answer: I am setting up the camp here for tonight.
About the clothes, I will put on practically everything I have got: -three pair of socks, -long cycling tights, -pants, -swimming shorts, -pants for rain, -three shirts, -pullover, -another fleece pullover, -face mask, -hat, -gloves, -scarf (got it as a gift from Olya). I know my feet are going to be cold, hence they go inside an extra pullover, on top goes my jacket and another layer of a t-shirt to squeeze everything together. With all the clothes on inside my sleeping bag, I feel like a sausage in a hotdog. Let's pray this is going to work and I will be able to get some sleep during the night.
Before trying to sleep, I need to: (a) massage my right foot: it got frozen during cycling, I need 30 minutes to get it back among alive; (b) have dinner: I got some salami, cheese and bread. Do you know, what truly sucks when cycling below zero? Water freezing inside the bottles, I have got no (liquid) water to drink. The last time I had a sip of water was in the morning.

[2016-11-09] Finland — Estonia: Hämeenlinna — Tallinn

Mental pain of urinating in the middle of the night

Good morning, still alive; I can feel my feet, my hands, pretty cool! I have no idea, did I get any sleep at all, or was it just hibernating throughout the night? My body motion is limited in the sleeping sack with all the clothes on, it is going to be nice to stretch my legs.
Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night wrapped in this, and you have to urinate. This is exactly what happened; "annoying_face.jpg". You need 30 minutes to unzip yourself, find your own legs and your little buddy under all these layers, while cold air is coming from everywhere, trying to fuck every centimeter of your skin that reaches the surface. How is it even possible — the urge to piss during the night, after not drinking all day long? My water was frozen in the bottle since having started in the morning.
5:30 am (!!), better start packing up, I have got ferry to catch: Eckerö Line, Helsinki port. Need to be there by 3 pm, I have got more than 100 km to cover. I booked the ticket online before leaving Jyväskylä.
Fucking beautiful, who would not enjoy packing up the shit in this wonderful weather early in the morning — few minutes out of my tent and I cannot feel my fingers. It is very tricky, you need fingers to operate with the gear, set up the bike, I cannot have 5 layers of gloves and socks on my hands. I need two hours, "two fat hours" to finish packing and get ready for the day. As always, transition is the most annoying part. The moment you get out of your sleeping bag, out of your tent, until the moment you start cycling — you need the heaviest motivation.

Truck drivers and their fucking horns

On the bike at 7:30 am, it is still dark, I had three biscuits for breakfast — need to start moving, there will be other opportunities to eat more. The feeling gets much better straight after first few kilometers. I am getting pumped up: I own this road, I am going to tear it up.
First 90 km: light snow, not too bad, more or less it goes smooth. The grip is always questionable though, when it is cold and snowy. You can feel your ass is not stable, it does shake during cycling. Probably there is equipment, tyres out there on the market, that works better in winter condition — who knows; might be worth doing a research one day though.
I am having battles with truck drivers again. If these people only knew how annoying and dangerous they are with their fucking horns, using it right behind my arse as surprise, adding X factor to my instability. Is it going to be funny, when I end up under your truck? Two times, I already saw myself somewhere under the chassis.
I know how it goes, they are 8 hours per day behind the wheel, it gets boring: "Oh, there is a maniac on the bike"; let's play games with the fucker to make our day more exciting. Some are nice, they use the horn on proper distance to signalize they are behind me, so we are both aware of potential overpassing situation. Unfortunately, this is a rare occasion. I would love to punch many of these suckers on their face, then organize a Power Point presentation: "We Are Not Alone — How To Behave On The Road".

Snowstorm and "Why don't you use the cycling lane"

Heavy snowstorm just before Helsinki; sure, why not. The snow starts to stick on the road; am I still cycling, or is it sliding, ice skating? More snow means more honking: the drivers passing me, give me a sound signal, suggesting to use the bike lane, when there is one available.
— Breath, just breath. — People are not aware, there is 20 cm of snow on every bike lane. I would love to cycle there, if it was clean, at least I cannot get run over by a random vehicle. But with all the snow stuck there, it is impossible to cycle, I go faster walking. The reason, I can still keep moving with a decent pace, because I am following car tracks on the main road; all other surface is covered with snow.
Here we go, another candidate to piss me off. One pal drives behind me for four minutes, even though there is enough space for a clean overpass. He gives me a sound signal and points his finger towards the bike lane. Ok, I have got enough of this shit. We both move like snails, really slow — I throw bike on the ground and start walking towards his door. I would like to ask him, if he could explain me: how to cycle on the bike lane, when it is full of snow? The driver is not up for a discussion, probably he thinks I want to fight in the middle of a snowstorm. He just fucks off full throttle style. Alright, nice talking to you.

Two hours for 17 km to catch a ferry

I reach the suburbs of Helsinki after 90 km, complete chaos on the road: more traffic, more snow, multi-lane roads, people in hurry; disaster.
I thought I had a lot of time when approaching the city, but with this pace, when pedestrians move faster than me, my time is running out, the chances are getting better and better to miss my ferry. The phone with navigation decides to work on intervals, a bit of panic in my brain — I take the wrong turn, luckily I realize it fast enough after talking to pedestrians. Haven't had a proper snack all day, no water since yesterday; this might add to the poorer performance of my brain and my body.
I am few streets away from the port, my phone is shut down, I am bugging everyone to tell me where is the shortest way to get there. Some are tourists, some haven't heard of the Helsinki port never in their lives, some are also in hurry, some need 15 minutes to navigate and remember where that is — faster buddy, We Do Not Have Time!
I got to Helsinki suburbs at 1 pm, last check-in for the ferry is at 3 pm — I get there half a minute earlier. This means I needed two hours for the last 17 km: Helsinki suburbs to Helsinki port. I am exhausted. The feeling is awesome though. I tell the lady at the counter that I love her when boarding in.
Few kilos of snow is stuck on the bike, I was lucky this machine did not cause any problems. I fix my bike with the ropes on the ferry, the ship starts moving half an hour later. I drop everything in the fourth floor and take a huge nap on the carpet; wake me up on the other side in Tallinn.

Beer in Ükskõik

Time always flies when you are having a nap. The ferry needs around two hours to get you from Helsinki to Tallinn, it seems like a blink of an eye and we are there. Back in Tallinn after six weeks — good old Tallinn, boy am I happy to be here again. Straight to Ükskõik for a beer. It is all arranged, I talked with the guys, another beer and a bed is waiting for me at Monk's. Yeah, it is always good to know people in town.
Last few weeks were rough, last few days were extra rough; my will got seriously tested several times. Man I feel like a tough motherfucker coming straight out of a movie.

[2016-11-10] — [2016-11-24] Estonia: Tallinn

Back in Tallinn

Back in Tallinn, I have got some time to kill. Quick review: -arrived to Tallinn for the first time at the end of June; -got a hostel job; -got kicked out of the hostel; -met a girl; -moved in with the girl; -got another job as a delivery man; -stayed in the city almost for three months; -left at the end of September, went back to cycling.
I decided already to leave Marie alone during this stay in town. We had a quality time together, but we are at different stages of our lives. It was tough leaving once enough, better not dig that hole again.
I am not staying in Tallinn long term. I bombarded an Austrian manager with emails, to push for the job: snowpark shaper in the Alps. Dude got tired of my requests and approved my application. It is a winter seasonal job — exactly what I want to do after finishing current project.
Shout out to the big boss manager "Dariana aka Daz Dee" for letting me stay, volunteer at Monk's Bunk Hostel. The hostel I got kicked out few months ago (Tallinn Backpackers), is also under her watch. She did not make any fuss. She knows, it was a silly thing; we are all the same idiots we used to be, life moves on. She is a mature manager for her age.

Party hostel: beer (pong) and asses

The Monk's hostel is a straightforward party hostel. To stay here, your priorities should be: (a) getting drunk; (b) getting laid. It is not a place for sightseeing, having a good rest during the night. If you want that, search for another place.
If you do not know hot to handle the booze and the shit that comes along — this is a perfect environment to practice, evolving your social skills: talking to strangers, alcohol body limits, picking up chicas. Sometimes I just love to sit down on a couch, and observe people how clumsy they are at being social. It is less fun when your shift is on and you have to clean the mess they produce — vomiting, pissing, shitting, anything disgusting.
It is always better, when you have good teammates, shout out to my hostel homies! The atmosphere is not bad at all, no annoying individuals with low self-esteem having an urge of pumping their ego. The crew is from everywhere: Ozzy people, Latinos, Europeans, locals.

Caught into drama triangle

Another day at Monk's: some people leave, some people arrive, they keep rotating; that is how traveling goes. Anyway, it is an evening, Pub Crawl is about to start, it is officially "booze & chicas" time. You don't need to do a lot, when you are among the crew. You are running the show (drinking games), you constantly get attention. This can be annoying, if some dudes don't know how to socialize, they breathe behind your neck all freaking evening. Bro, you are missing the point, the chicas are there — get your shit together and start talking to them.
I am scanning the audience: blonde hair, she looks nice, fresh, energetic. Her name is Louise, from France. That is lovely, amazing story, nice to meet you Louise. We are playing cats and mice, looking straight into her eyes, you can feel the electricity. Few shared dance moves, we are all relaxed, nobody is pushy; something might be cooking.
— Here we go, a jealous dude coming into the scene. — When I am by myself, a Czech dude comes to me and asks, if I could leave the young lady alone, because there is something going on between them, something with potential. It is OK to dance with her, but please stay inside the friendship zone. Oh boy, where did you find me with those requests, where were you the whole evening? College love, are you serious? It never works! This is time to explore, not to fall in love, buddy. Czech dude is completely in love, he sees only the stars, and he asks me politely — I tap his shoulders, yeah buddy, no problem, she is all yours.
I am doing my best to stay out of the triangle, but Louise apparently has a different plan, she is stuck around me like a fly. Okay, I guess we are not doing any harm, we are just dancing. The Czech said himself he is fine with that. I am trying to relax, you know, enjoy the moment — this is my well deserved vacation after cycling Lapland — when I realize, this sniper is constantly staring at us. I turn to the left, he is there; I grab Louise, dance with her to the right, he is there; no matter how many times we change the location, he is always there, staring at us. It is getting creepy and annoying. I ask her, what is the deal with the guy: she does not confirm the story. She says, they hooked up once and that was it. There is nothing more going on in the background.
I do not know who to believe anymore, I am also drunk. These college kids are silly, they don't even know what they are saying. It is too much of debating, too much of philosophy — we are in a club, can we just get wasted like normal people and let everything go? The music is good, we get caught in the moment, no doubt. It is even more exciting, because you are trying to hide. We hook up, I grab her ass, we play with our tongues, with lips for a little bit; no big deal, it is part of a dance choreography.
I need to go to the toilet, I am gone for few minutes. As I am walking back to the scene, I see the Czech dude preaching and pulling Louise out of the club. It looks like I need a new dance partner.

Drama triangle lesson

Let's stop for a moment guys, and see what just happened. On the first note, it seems like I am a prick: saying one thing, doing the opposite; might be true. If you ask me, I made this dude a favour: I showed him in few hours, in one evening, this chica does not give a damn about him. Dude is dreaming about thin air, there is clearly nothing going on between them.
Guys, have some fucking self respect: if a girl is ignoring you the whole evening, she is busy with another guy; do you want me to draw a picture what this means?
— She is not interested — Nicht interessiert — Ella no esta interesada! — Following her, going on your knees (plus other pathetic moves) — it never works, you are making the whole situation even worse. Move-The-Fuck-On!
Another thing: dating in college, that is pure waste of time. You should focus on yourself, not on your girlfriend, just because you are getting a bit of action every weekend. College is time for exploring, experimenting, moving around, investing time into yourself. Finding who you are, what you like, enjoying freedom — you cannot do that if you are chained with someone since you are 18. Grow up, jerk off like a man and embrace the solo game!

Getting out of drama triangle

The story is not over, it continues the next day, when we are doing another pub crawl. The Czech buddy avoids me the whole evening. He is trying to keep Louise next to him, like she is a cat on a leash and he is her owner. Is that how true love looks like?
The French blondie is full of energy, she is obviously in the play mode, never too far away from me when there is a chance. Things become slightly nasty in the first bar. There is like the whole gang behind the Czech and Louise, a group of friends, they study together. One member of the group, he gets really pissed off at Louise for being such a nasty bitch (freely walking around, dancing?) and not obeying the orders. He slaps her face full force, in front of everybody, starts shouting some crap in French.
These kids need to chill the fuck out. They behave like someone has been married for 20 years, the marriage is now falling apart, who is going to get the custody of children and the dog. I am walking straight up to them, I want to clear the situation and be done with it. Half of them are completely red in their face from anger, the other half are actually my huge fans after telling them about my cycling trip. They were so excited, I thought I would have to sign their t-shirts. The Czech dude does not want to talk with me, I am not welcome here anymore. Alright, not going to force it, have a good evening boys.
Few minutes later, the unlucky one in love, comes to me by himself, he wants to listen what I have to say. I give him a quick lesson about life, about chicas — forcing someone to be with you, it is one of the worst things you could do. Chicas come, chicas go, let them all go. Do your thing, focus on yourself, the rest will come by itself. Buddy, you are in Tallinn, you are young. This place has a dance floor. Have a beer, go out there and play.
What is that saying: "Bros before hoes?" We become best buds with the Czech after our little talk. He stops following Louise, goes wild for the rest of the evening. I want to be supportive, plus I am not a huge fan of drama triangles, I also back off away from the blondie Louise.

Dilge thought I was gay

The night is still young, no reason to look like a lemon for the rest of the evening, there is always a plan B. What about a girl with dark hair, dressed all in black; she looks pretty slick. There is some chatting, dancing, it is going well. We go for a cigarette. Dilge is officially from Istanbul, she studies Chinese in Riga (!?) — an interesting choice in life.
Back at the dance floor, one dude is trying to crash the private party, shit like this happens in clubs. Amigo is testing his luck, he is trying to get hooked for a dance. I do not react, let him try. In situation like this, the chica fucks off the dude in no time. They rarely get a chance, because it is too random, they are too pushy.
My amigo is doing well, that is a bit of surprise, suddenly I am the third wheel. They are dancing, having fun — wait for it — that is not all, dude is thirsty for more. They start making out, just like that, in front of my freaking eyes. Meanwhile disc jockey (aka DJ) keeps smashing the music like he doesn't care.
It is getting awkward for me, something to swallow for my ego; is that how the Czech dude felt yesterday? Am I getting a taste of my own medicine? Relax, chica is in her twenties, the slutty hormones are doing their job. We are just having fun, it is all part of the game, nobody owes anything to anyone. Ten, twenty seconds later, after the thirsty ones have had a glass water, Dilge turns back to me, she wants to start apologizing, explaining. There is no need to — shhhhh — everything is fine. She admits, she is confused, because I did not do any step forward. She thought maybe I was gay; the blue hair does not help either.
We end up at Monk's. Did I deliver anything, did we get to the top? Who fucking knows, I know I delivered myself. Twice, hehe. I like the fact that she is vocal. She is going for a shower. Her mother taught her, to always take care of hygiene after the sweaty exercise. I don't know, I am a dirty cyclist; I prefer the raw smell than apricot from shampoo.

[2016-11-25] Estonia: Tallinn

Underground till 12 am

Boys, do we still remember the interview I had in August, located in Tallinn-Pirita? Reality show, where seven candidates fight for the love of Helen? Oh yes, that shit is on. I got en email from them when leaving Tallinn in September, saying they were interested to have me in the show. I replied we can do it when I get back, they agreed saying they would wait for me. This is actually one of the main reasons, why I am still in Tallinn; and why I had to go back south from Nordkapp the same way (and not via Norway). I am about to participate in a reality show in Estonia, how random does that sound?
We start shooting the show tomorrow. The plan is to avoid the party and drinking in the hostel tonight and be fresh for the camera tomorrow. The plan collapses in no time, when some Spanish chicas convince me to go out partying with them. A good plan must always be adjustable, a little party cannot do any harm. It is 5 am, when I get back to the base, back to Monk's. Alright, no drama, no panic, there is still plenty of time to have a proper rest. I am meeting the TV crew at 4 pm in the afternoon, this is still 11 hours to go, easy.
It is in my mind, how I am going to brush my teeth (shower can wait, I can have one tomorrow), when Tarik (our night receptionist) comes from who knows where, he wants to take the Monk's crew out for a special "underground party". Apparently you don't know what a true party is until you don't go for one of those; this is a real deal, not some commercial crap.
By the way, Tarik has several faces, these are few: (1) calm Tarik: does not say a word, usually when he is on a night shift; (2) drunk aggressive Tarik: shouting to security, where the fuck his jacket is; (3) weird (probably on drugs) Tarik: dressed up like a woman, telling people around to fuck him. Kind of creepy, but interesting to watch if you are only in the audience.
Tarik insists to go out together. Hmm, I don't know, what about the plan of having a good rest? Meanwhile my curiosity: "Yes, go, otherwise you will never know". I have no idea where we are, but we cannot be far away, we get to the spot by foot. We get rejected at the door, because it is "locals only". Tarik somehow gets us in, he knows the doorman. But he is the one to get in trouble, if we do not behave properly and someone tries to set this place on fire (or something).
How do you know, if the place is really — so called — underground? It has to look like you are in someone's basement, it should not be too crowded, and the DJ is not allowed to spin any music performed by Spice Girls. It is "no smoking" policy, only the DJ is allowed to smoke inside. The music is not bad, if you are into electronic, techno and similar. We get yelled at the dance floor: this is a place to dance, we are too loud talking!
There is a debate, if we should take a pill or not. I am not sure what it is, something like ecstasy, I am not an expert on drugs, but it should boost your energy. You know what, if we came so far, let's go down the path all the way and see where it takes us. I decide to trust this environment, Tarik knows majority of the people, I believe we are not going to get sold some sugar pills without any kick.
After the snack, everything happens lightning fast: the music feels good, I am dancing like a madman. People are asking me, if I am tripping — Bro, this is a dance floor, not a bar, stop talking. The pill kicks in better than Nutella, it feels like 5 minutes, when the place is getting closed. Why already? They tell me it is 12 am, middle of the next day. The party is over.

[2016-11-26] Estonia: Tallinn

Reality show concept

Let's get updated everyone, what do we know so far about the show before it starts. I am in touch with them via emails, messages since getting back to Tallinn in November. Guys, we are about to enter the "show business". This is the environment full of tricks, full of acting, the first and the only rule: You don't trust anyone, not even your shadow.
The person in charge to communicate with me before the show is Regina. Regina is super sweet; we are already getting tricked. The creators knew, I was going to check Regina's Facebook and then be willing to efficiently communicate / cooperate due to her attractive profile picture. Regina: We will be shooting 12th November; Me: Yes. Regina: There is a delay, we will be shooting 26th November; Me: Yes. Regina: says whatever; Me: Yes. They bought me like a bag of chips.
So, how does it go, what is the concept of the show? I will be spending one week with the lady of my dreams (the show girl, not Regina) — one week to show her I am the perfect husband figure. The TV crew will obtain all the material regarding me inside that one week. If there are seven candidates to fight for love, this means the "show chica Helen" has to go through seven weeks with the camera, each week with a different Romeo. She picks the whitest horse at the end, in the final episode of the show, and lives happily after.
This was the initial idea, something did not work. Apparently seven (or six) dudes are too much to be handled only by Helen; too much of a pressure, they are bringing another girl. It is three guys, three weeks for Helen, and the other half for Liisa. I will be the first guy in the second group to spend a week with Liisa.
The concept is a bit disappointing. I was hoping the dudes to live together in one place; we party, talk shit, drink champagne, act smart like we invented something big. From time to time someone goes on a date with Helen or Liisa (or Regina), each week one of the dudes go home, the last one to stay, wins. Probably this is a bit more expensive concept, that is why it is not happening.

Intro to the show

Tarik was not lying, it was one hell of a party. I need to sleep now, better two hours than nothing. When I wake up, I need to pack my stuff, maybe have a shower; then ready or not: it is a showtime!
I meet the TV crew at 5 pm, I am one hour late. Not entirely my fault, they sent me the wrong address. No biggie, I can move fast, I am with my bike. I am calling them I have arrived. Adrenaline is getting pumped into my blood, no signs of sleeping only for two hours. Last thought: What have I gotten myself into? Marko comes down to meet me, with two guys: one holds the camera, the other one is installing mic on my shirt. Marko is one of the story creators on the scene; he gives the ideas, he answers the questions of how and what.
We shoot the scene — how I enter the apartment and meet Liisa — several times. Different angles, they need to make sure they have enough material for editing. First evening is pretty crucial for the TV crew. Everyone is new and inexperienced, it is a perfect chance to capture some awkward and silly human interaction; it is their job to deliver it to the audience. The technical dudes with the mic and camera: they don't let me and Liisa breathe in the beginning, following every step, catching every word.
The introduction goes pretty smooth, there is no awkward silence, I do the talking. Liisa just needs to listen, look pretty and smile for the camera. I crack up few jokes, and of course open the topic of my cycling trip: I am hijacking the love show with moose and Lapland stories.

Opening a bottle of wine

Main event, main challenge of the evening, is me to cook something for Liisa, after having done the groceries (together with the TV crew). No panic, no problem, someone has been practicing baking pizzas for the last few weeks, months. I am getting so smooth with this, the products are starting to look pretty professional. Two big baking plates go into the even, this means two family sized pizzas.
Officially, in front of the camera, I am making dinner just for the two of us. I am sure Marko and the two technical dudes are also hungry — it is not easy to hold that heavy camera on your shoulder and run around — I want to be nice and feed everybody in the room; are we a team or what?
Liisa wants to drink wine, she wants me to open a bottle of wine. I get a flashback instantly: as a kid, when I watched these kind of shows, there was always a scene with a bottle of wine. Dudes were always unpractical, there was rarely a candidate who knew how to open a bottle of wine without difficulties.
I ignore the wine on purpose, and keep being busy with the pizza. Liisa does not forget about the wine: "Wine, wine, wine, let's drink wine!" She keeps talking about the wine, she does not buy it when I suggest drinking tap water. She is pretty obvious, she is following Marko's instructions what to say.
I never drink wine, but how hard can it be? Give me that freaking bottle, so we don't have to listen to Liisa singing about wine anymore. As soon as I touch the bottle, the camera dude jumps to me, he starts filming every single detail I am about to do. Cheeky bastards are trying to put pressure on me, see me fail or do something ridiculous. Dude, am I allowed to breathe? Please, let me breathe. I am pretty sure, there used to be two different bottle openers, now I see only one when I open the drawer. The second one, that is missing, is more modern; this one is more old school, I am not 100 % confident how it works.
Alright, I have to screw it first, nothing new here. Now I am not sure if I have to use my raw power to get the cork out (with this old model), or is there more of a sophisticated mechanism to be used. You cannot just pull the cork out — I almost shit my pants while giving it a try — you need to use the mechanism. The metal handle should probably not just hang off like a useless penis, it should work as support. Now I can pull up the cork easily using the momentum; which btw equals force times the distance (M = F x L). Fuck yes Isaac, we nailed it!

"When was the last time you had sex?"

After dinner, Marko says we need to create more material today. We are going to film how we get tired (sleepy) with Liisa, we brush our teeth and go to bed.
You might be wondering "how the filming process goes". If Marko is happy — if the scene does not look too boring from behind the camera — then he leaves me and Liisa alone, to act naturally. I get the concept. They need to create action, entertainment for the audience; nobody wants to watch a TV show where nothing is going on. The thing is, I have been talking the whole day, my initial enthusiasm has burst into the air. If I don't do shit, if I don't talk, then nobody does; it gets quiet, and that is not good for the show.
Marko has got few ideas how to spice up the scene: "You should both lie down on your bed; now start a fight about who is going to get up from the bed and turn off the light." Wow, I am blown away, that is some input from the film director. We proceed with the silly play. Welcome to creation of reality show.
Another instruction for the actors (Liisa and myself): "Lie in your bed and talk about how your day was." Does that make sense, I mean we have spent the whole day together. What do I say? "Honey, do you still remember that pizza I baked for you two hours ago? Great memories, aren't they?" This scenario definitively has space for improvement.
They have the advantage of Estonian language (me and Liisa, we talk in English). Marko (behind the camera) keeps telling Liisa in Eesti language what to say to get some reactions from my side. We go from (a) "How was your day?" to (b) "When was the last time you have had sex?" in two sentences — absolutely no topic continuation. I had a feeling, they would bring "sex topic" on the table, this shit sells; but forced like that?
They succeed to catch me off guard, I do not have my answer ready. I don't want to bring up my summer romance, I promised Marie to let her out of this, hostel stories are also off the table. My answer goes something like: "Aaam, aaam... long time ago, not sure if I remember." Probably I made myself look like a virgin in front of the camera. No biggie, no one cares.

"I will fuck you before you leave!"

The TV crew goes home later in the evening, they do not stay with us 24/7, that would be too much for the budget. Two stationary cameras are installed: one in the living room, second in the bedroom. I hear stories how these two cameras are not capable to capture the voice. The cameras are installed due to security reasons, whatever to get recorded is not going to be used as TV show material. Sure, and I am a "Snow White". No freaky stuff under the stationary cameras.
The atmosphere is much relaxed, when the crew goes away, role playing for the camera can be tiring. We go out with Liisa for some fresh air and a smoke. She smokes that thin cigarettes for chicas, it is just for playing around. People love that, tobacco industry also (profit).
She admits about the bottle opener, they hid one with the crew, when she was around. They were trying to add confusion to the story, for the viewers (I knew it!). We talk about the show and upcoming week, about the TV crew, how manipulative and tricky they can get. She knows Helen personally, other chica from the show, who supposed to be main and only female character in Prooviabielu (official name of what we are shooting).
If I get this right, they both participated in another TV series a year or two ago; they both like media attention, don't they? Apparently Helen fell in love with the first guy while shooting for Prooviabielu few weeks ago. The crew put pressure on her to keep filming, but she didn't want to, she ended up in some mental institution (if there is any truth in this gossip). That is why they called Liisa to jump in and take over the main role. No joking around with show business, it must go on!
We continue with debate in the living room. The crew supplied us with enough alcohol for the whole week, it is the cheapest trick to get naive people do stupid things. Before coming into the show, I gave myself two rules: no getting drunk, no sex in front of the cameras. Who knows, maybe I decide later in my life to start a porn career, but not now.
I am holding my first glass of wine, while Liisa is in the mood to go for the second bottle. She empties a bottle and a half like she has been drinking milk. She tells me, she knows already; she wants to pick me at the end. Award for the show winners: spend 10 romantic days with the love of your life at random destination, of course the camera goes with you to get more spicy material. I am not sure, I can go that far, maybe I am the one to end up in a mental institution.
One little secret: we did not meet with Liisa today for the first time. Unofficially, we met few days ago. She found me online and suggested to meet before the show started. Please, do not tell anyone, it was against the rules. Officially, we met today at 5 pm for the first time. What I am trying to say, we have known each other for two days, enough time for her to get comfortable with me. Add two liters of wine, I think we all know where this is going. She is ready to jump on someone's "D" (dick). Since I am the only human in the room to own one... — hmm, what would Jesus say? I think the lady needs to have some water. The situation is getting unattractive, someone has had a glass or two over the limit.
I let Liisa go sleep first, she finishes the night with: "I will fuck you before you leave!" I decide to go chill in the toilet, there is no Liisa, no cameras. The best spot to relax, maybe I am capable to produce something. Time goes fast, it is already 3 am.

[2016-11-27] Estonia: Tallinn

Breakfast and coffee in the bedroom

Day 2 for the show: Sunday. Production boys are back; a busy schedule is waiting for us. The first scene getting filmed: I wake up first, before Liisa, and make breakfast. Classical breakfast: eggs, coffee, tea. Exactly what Liisa needs after sucking up two bottles of wine the previous night — no judging, it can happen to anyone. Marko loves the romantic scenes, he suggests waking up Liisa with a cup of coffee in the bedroom.
Marko is doing his best to try make me look like a lovely husband in front of the camera. Marko, is this how reality supposed to look like? Because it does feel pathetic when playing those romantic scenes. Marko knows what he is doing: he is doing his job, and he is good at it. I like it, even if I don't.

Running 8,5 km, assembling Ikea TV table

Second act is happening outside, the plan is to shoot how Liisa and myself go for a run. We run no more than 300 m, just enough for the cameraman to get crucial material. We stop at the camera — breathe like after marathon — I check my watch and announce for the audience, it was a pleasurable run and how we did 8,5 km. Pure fluff.
No time to waste. We go back to the apartment, they have a new challenge ready for me. They brought a TV table from Ikea, it is my job to assemble it together. It is a time consuming task, everyone around me is pretty much being bored, even the cameraman gets tired of filming this shit and seats on the couch. They do not need one hour material of me assembling parts together. It is a job not to rush. I take my time checking the drawing, assembling, then go back to the drawing — this is how it is supposed be done. If you rush without checking the manual, it is easy to fuck up. You need to go back, at the end it takes even more time.
When I am done with it, the crew tells me I am the first out of four candidates to accomplish the task. First three dudes filming with Helen had the same challenge, no one was capable to complete it. Hell yes, I am the king of assembling Ikea TV tables.

Susan among TV crew

The TV crew says, we are going to film "questions and answers" scene. Then, they are out of here, they also need to participate in their own lives.
As usual, there is some gossiping going around. Today, Susan is among the TV crew. I do not know exactly what her role is, she helps Marko with ideas and coordination. Liisa does not like her at all. She calls her a cold blooded bitch — always nasty, rude, playing with people. I think she knows her from before.
What shall I say? Welcome to show business, it is not a fairy tale; being nice probably won't get you far away. "We are" kind of figures on the chess board and show creators are the one to think how to move the figures. Obviously, they will try to manipulate and push any situation towards the limit (to attract viewers, create income), but it is up to you how much you let them.
Susan "does" look like a snake on the first go. She does not smile, tries to look sharp and tough, has snakes or some random shit tattoo over her arm and leg. Guys, listen: when people have snakes, tigers, bunnies and other wild animals tattooed on their skin, it is the most typical camouflage. These are nice people, they just want to look tough (for some reason). Probably they have been hurt and "blah blah"; but who hasn't been?
Susan is super nice to me, I am nice to her. We are talking about what I am doing next after the trip (shaping, snowboarding in Austrian Alps). We get along like biscuits and milk.

Picking up stuff at Liisa's after Toit's

The TV crew goes home, they leave us with instructions: we made a reservation, Toit's city, 6 pm. We are supposed to go there with Liisa, take the small cameras, and film ourselves how we are enjoying the evening. Marko gave us some pocket money. Sorry Marko, it is not enough money to get us drunk, not enough money to produce drama.
We are not going big tonight anyways. It is Sunday, Liisa needs to go to work tomorrow. For real, not for the audience, she works as a nurse. Speaking of that, she tells me, it would be cool to go to her (real) place after Toit's, she needs to pick up stuff for the job. We are shooting the show in a bigger, rented apartment; it looks pretty luxury. Liisa actually lives on the other side of the city, not too far away, 15 minutes bus ride.
It comes into my mind: this it the apartment without cameras, no Big Brother behind the wall scanning every move you make. Is it play time? Do we want to see, if Liisa is also so brave when there is no wine on the menu? We talked about everything yesterday, and came to conclusion: it is all just a game, why not have fun while playing it.
I ask her, if she has bubbles for the bath. She does not know if I am serious or not. I take my clothes off, fill the bath up with water, and jump inside. I will light up a cigarette, to add some fog to the atmosphere. It feels more like we are in a movie. Oh yeah, the bubbles are coming. Liisa loses her clothes, shows her ass and joins the party. It is not that much of a space, but we are going to manage.
Usually I am the one who talks, but now I want her to have a word. Everyone has a life story to tell, if the atmosphere is relaxed and there is someone who is ready to listen. Yeah, life is a bitch, it has not been easy for Liisa. She grew up with her mother, her father went to jail when she was three years old. They lived together with her uncle, who was not able to control himself, anger issues and similar shit. Financially never really stable, Liisa took a loan from the bank to be able to afford this apartment — she is renting it, with the plan to pay the loan back in four years.
Then a story with the roofie. They set her up the drug, she doesn't really know what happened that night. She used to have suicide issues, she still takes antidepressants nowadays. And to top all of that shit, ending up in a reality show? Not once, twice. This is her second TV show, where she is participating. There is one bright light in the story though. She has always wanted to be a nurse — she successfully finished her dream school and works as a nurse today. I am so happy, I want to clap my hands, finally some good news!
Overall, pretty chaotic life. No wonder the TV crew called her for the second time to participate in the show; her emotional stability is questionable. If you know how to press the right buttons, she is going to deliver emotions, create drama — and that is what a reality show is all about.
We spend like two hours in the bath. I have no freaking idea why, nobody is playing with it or anything, it gets no attention at all, but my dick is hard 80 % of the time while listening to those traumatic stories. Something must have gotten under my skin and triggered the excitement. Any ideas, how to deal with it? I think it might be time to show Liisa how you fight depression and negative thoughts. Not by taking pharmaceutical products — chicas, jokes aside — pills are not the answer, that is business. It is much better to suck a dick, jump on it, and go for a ride. Having sex is one of the best natural medical treatments out there.
I get blown in the bath, we continue in the living room. I was practically done before we even started. Vocals: good. Energy: good. Movement: alright (there was no complicated choreography). Duration: we can work on that, I will stand up and take the blame. It is Sunday, we have got one full week to improve the game.

[2016-11-28] Estonia: Tallinn

Tidying up apartment for the camera

5:30 am, it is time to wake up, Liisa needs to go to work. I get up just enough to film the morning clip, how I walk her to the door and wish a good day. Then, I go back to sleep: until 1 pm. Hey hey, don't give me that look, we do not call this laziness — it is my vacation, I need to charge my batteries. I still have flashbacks of all the cold days in Finland.
I do not step out of the apartment the whole day. I am listening to the music, playing with the camera. I decide to show the audience how hard working guy I am. I film myself tidying and cleaning up the apartment: hoover, mop, scrubbing the toilet. Fun stuff, I am such a great actor. Liisa comes back home late in the evening. The TV crew comes to say hi, just to check if everything is okay and to see how we do the filming on our own. They do not stay for a long time.
We have dinner with Liisa, we do some more filming by ourselves, the theme is: romantic dinner, candles, chatting. It is already midnight, Liisa needs to go to sleep, tomorrow is another work day. Her schedule of waking up at 5:30 am sounds like "fucking kill me now", it sounds scary. I have got time to chill on the couch, enjoy the technology and comfort this apartment has got to offer. Excellent feeling: no job, no worries.

[2016-11-29] Estonia: Tallinn

Learning Suomi in language school

Sleeping until 2 pm, it seems like another chill day. It is a good feeling, when you notice people waking up early in the morning, and you have got no responsibilities. Your only job is to re-adjust the position in the bed, find comfort and fall back to sleep.
I understand now, why we were so busy filming over the weekend — Liisa has got pretty packed up schedule during the week. I go say hi to the hostel crew at Monk's, everyone is dying to hear how the show is going. I get as much attention as the Pope himself during the preach in Vatican.
Later on we meet with Liisa, Tuesday evening is reserved for studying foreign languages. I join her in the class, we are studying Suomi, which is a fancy local word for Finnish language. She announces everyone in the class about the show. I thought we would do this in a more discrete way, nobody is going to jump around with a camera, but okay, this also works. The lecture goes on for two hours. The neighbor on the left cannot stop laughing, he is not able to process the thought of a reality show. Is this nervous or excitement laugh? In any case, relax buddy, focus on the language and the teacher, we are not going to include you in any scene.
We are back in the apartment. You know kids these days, instead of reading a book, all they think about is sex, fuck, getting laid. I check the bathroom again for any possible hidden cameras, this sector seems clear. We decide to shoot something for the audience: how we play around in the bathroom, and then oops, we fall inside the bath full of water, with our clothes on. I, myself wrote the script; how original and creative, isn't it? Makes me feel like I am one step away from shooting porn.
After filming the (for)play, camera goes shut in the corner, we fuck. Call me crazy, but I like this part of cycling. I need to give a word out for Liisa. She shows great commitment, great effort when it comes to sucking a dick; we applaud to that. Modern chicas nowadays might want to skip this part — "Oh, I am not touching it" — go straight for sex. Usually it is disappointing.

[2016-11-30] Estonia: Tallinn

Pancakes and beer pong at Ükskõik

Another one of those days, when you have nothing better to do than sleep until you cannot any more. Liisa stays at home today. We decide to film the procedure of making pancakes for the crowd. The apartment has a good stereo system, I am putting the volume higher. Liisa got the message, to shoot her thoughts about this week in front of the camera. Eesti language really does sound something different.
We go to the city center in the evening, more filming by ourselves: how we play beer pong at Ükskõik. I set up Daz (bar manager) with the TV crew, they made an agreement to shoot some scenes here. Probably the final evening is also going to be shot here. Yes, Daz is the same person, who manages the Monk's hostel — and this bar, it is all connected.
There is still time to kill back in the apartment, anyone has got suggestions what to do? Do I hear the word "bathroom", to go smash in the bathroom? If anyone has been wondering, how life of Estonian reality star looks like (version Prooviabielu), this is it: sleep until noon; few scenes for the camera during the day — act smart, interesting, funny (hi-hi-hi); in the evening, smash in the bathroom (to avoid the cameras). And we are done, we call it a successful day.

[2016-12-01] Estonia: Tallinn

Nurse for a day

First day of December, last month of the year. Feels like I have been on the trip since forever. Stop dreaming, wake up: it is 7 am, welcome to reality show. The plan is to go to work with Liisa today and have a look how things stand over there.
Liisa is a nurse, her tasks might vary: she could be a receptionist answering the phone, but usually she works in one of those doctor's offices. Her task today is to take samples of blood.
She introduces me to some of her colleagues — nurse chicas love to chit chat, drink coffee. I am sure Liisa has told all of her colleagues everything about the show already. They look at me enthusiastically, with big eyes, like I am some kind of celebrity. Chicas, calm down, it is still early in the morning. In the medical office, I am introduced to the patients as a student from Slovenia, who does practice in Tallinn. I put on a white robe to look professional, to look like a doctor.
Few older ladies are not comfortable with my existence in the room. We are doing some kind of kinky procedure where clothes must go off. Ladies, for real? Still shy at this age? We are doing science, it is about your health. I am not here to jerk off, check your ass or how far the titties are hanging due to gravity.
Alright, I am going to wait outside, but my feelings are hurt, because my profession, my work is not appreciated. It is your own loss, you are the one to end up without my medical opinion — good luck.

Visiting Liisa's sister

We take a bus in the afternoon, we are driving 50 km south away from Tallinn, visiting Liisa's sister. She is 27 years old, has got two kids, gave birth for the first time when she was 19 years old. When I was 19, I had problems to unbutton my own pants. Not easy to imagine being a parent at that age. Actually, she got pregnant for the first time when she was only 18, but they decided for abortion. Heavy load to go through. Maybe better leave this topic aside.
We spend the afternoon with the whole family (sister, husband, two kids). They seem happy together, I am glad for them. We have got cameras with us. The TV crew wants to have Liisa's sister opinion about me on the tape. You know those games: on the scale from 1 to 10, how much would you rate this product/person? They have a lots of toys in the middle of the living room — the kids are active, healthy. Husband is busy rebuilding the house they bought not too far away. Awesome, great news only.
On the way back to Tallinn, motivational instinct kicks in. Liisa is on the hot chair, she listens to me for two hours straight. May the analyzes begin.
Tough childhood for Liisa: her father being locked up in a jail, growing up with aggressive uncle under the same roof; plus other shit. Okay, but that is the past. She battled it through, lives on her own now and works as a nurse, which is her dream job. I ask Liisa, what is missing in her life, why does she feel unhappy about herself? She wishes to have a boyfriend, a husband, kids, dogs, cats, a fish in aquarium. We knew this was coming, didn't we?
My advice for Liisa: full focus on yourself. Be your own boyfriend, lover, therapist, take yourself on trips, explore. If you are not enjoying your own company, do you think your future husband will?
Make yourself happy first. Find out what pleases you, what gives you satisfaction, what gives you TNT explosion in your mind, what is that spice in your life that makes your kebab fantastic. No boyfriend, girlfriend can do this instead of you, it is your own responsibility. Get your mojo up spinning, be and attract the energies, and the rest will settle by itself. Guys, sex is short term pleasure, I would not play all of my cards on that, you cannot fuck 24/7.
Back in the apartment, we do a short video with Liisa, everyone speaks for himself: (a) one positive trait; (b) one negative trait; (c) something weird about yourself. My weird stuff: I love the sound of a hairdryer, especially in winter time. I could listen to it for hours. It calms me down, it brings warmth into my body. I fell in love with the sound as a kid, I still love it.
Liisa does her monologue for the camera. I do not know what she is saying, because she talks in Estonian, but it sure does not sound like fun. She took this game too seriously. It was a long day, lots of heavy debates and discussions. Conclusion: it is the best to be your own fucking hero.
I gave Liisa my best advice. There is nothing else I can do tonight, except try to fuck her good and forget about the world for at least few hours. Shit, this is getting too loud. I wonder if the stationary cameras are able to reach that far and capture the sound from the bathroom. She tells me she likes it if I pull her hair, grab her neck. Hmm? We got busy for some time. It is 4:30 am, when we reach the bed and go to sleep. Quite a session.

[2016-12-02] Estonia: Tallinn

Busy production agenda

Friday, we have got busy schedule today. The TV crew is going to come, we will be shooting scenes all day long until late in the evening.
If we look back, the crew was here first day on Saturday, then Sunday and now Friday. Rest of the days, we were creating material by ourselves with Liisa. These guys know how to take it easy — few days and they get enough material for the whole season.
When you have a busy schedule, it is important to have a good rest and strong breakfast. In practice this means: sleep until noon, have scrambled eggs for breakfast. The production plan for today is: (a) clothes shopping; (b) ice skating; (c) tour de la Monk's; (d) party in Ükskõik.

Clothes shopping

I told the guys, I told Regina before the start, I have no fancy clothes with me on the trip and I am too cheap to buy it just for this occasion. If they want to shoot scenes, where I do not wear the same yellow t-shirt all over again, feel free to sponsor me. I had doubts, the show production seems to be on a tight budget, they proved it few times. But the wheel turns around, I am a fancy bitch today, they are taking me shopping. What do I get: blue shirt with white dots; belt; jeans pants modern high school style; shoes.
It takes a while to get done with it, cameraman is busy following me every step. Marko has a script ready: how I pick up wild funky pieces of clothes. Liisa acts shocked, she does not agree with my choice, she wants me to go for more classy stuff. Oh boy, it has been a while since playing these pathetic roles of a couple arguing.
Do you know, what truly is hilarious? The effect of a cameraman in public places. When people notice there is a camera in the building, they go nuts. It is like there is a fucking monster walking around! They sprint, jump, freeze, crawl, run away, hide — they will do anything possible just to avoid it. Spend all your salary on shitty clothes? Acceptable. Getting inside a frame of a camera? Hell no!
Marko wants to film the shop lady, how she proceeds as a cashier: take the product (shoes), scan the price, release the anti theft device, put everything in the bag; while looking serious and focused, because this is the appropriate way to do it, when you are at the job. It is too much of a pressure, the lady cannot handle the camera: that plastic — anti theft device won't go off! She begins with confidence, rotates, tries from the other angle, soon gets nervous because it should not take that long. Should be like a "click" and it is done.
It reminds me of my first day in front of the camera last week, when I was struggling how to open a bottle of wine. It is much more fun when you are behind the camera, watching how someone else struggles. What is she going to do? I am waiting for her to bring a hammer and smash that stupid plastic to pieces, finishing with: "Here you go sir, your shoes". No, unfortunately it is not the case. She apologizes, it is only her third day at the job. She calls the manager, the boss comes for rescue and shows how it is done.

Ice skating

It is that time of the year, when a city organizes an ice surface available to the public. Perfect spot to bring your date, perfect spot to shoot one of the scenes for reality show.
I know not everybody is born as an athlete — Liisa moves like a robot on the skates, it is hard to watch. I am getting a headache, because I can already smell pathetic role playing for the camera later on. Marko did not stretch the show's budget for nothing.
I do not want to create a fake picture here, nobody is a professional on the skates, no one is going to be doing 360, 720 spins in the air — but Liisa really has fuck no feeling at all. She gets one of those iron sliders to hold for extra support. I hope she still knows how to walk when she takes the skates off.
It is in my blood to motivate, to be a teacher — I skate towards Liisa and try to lift her spirit. Take your time, no rushing, you are doing great, everyone has got to start somewhere.
Marko asks me, if I feel comfortable enough, he wants me to skate around, to get some material for the camera. Everyone says, it is the same as rollerblading. It definitively has similarities, the tricky part is in the ice. In some parts, the ice surface is out of shape. If feels like rollerblading on gravel.
Marko comes to me again, gives me gloves — why don't you go to Liisa and ask if her hands are cold. Here comes the romantic scene: me skating towards Liisa like a prince not on a white horse, but on the ice skates — saving her hands, fighting against the cold.
We are done with the activity, what follows: the interview. Marko always has interesting questions ready, I am sure it is not any different this time. My answers are super diplomatic — never clear yes, never clear no, always something in between. I am trying to be careful with the words. I could easily play a clown or a badass to make a better show for the audience, but I do not want to shut down anyone in front of the camera, kill Liisa's confidence. It feels much better, when you lift people's spirit up, not trash it down.
These are some of the questions: (1) You are leaving Tallinn after this week, are you also leaving Liisa?; (2) Is it going to be difficult to leave the apartment after one week, are there any sad feelings?; (3) Is it possible, you fell in love during this week?; (4) On the scale from 1 to 10, rate your week spent with Liisa. Questions are good, there is not much of a space left. If you want to give diplomatic answers, stay in the middle, your hamster needs to move up it's ass.
One of the questions for Liisa: if you could decide now, would you pick your first candidate (that's me) as the show winner and take him on the final trip? I am not going to comment, I think it is pretty obvious what Liisa answered. Her answers are pretty straight, not diplomatic at all.

Tour de la Monk's

At Monk's, the filming procedure is fast, we do it without husband-wife role playing. Have you ever seen "Welcome To My Crib"? A popular show, aired on MTV, where famous people show how and where they live? This scene reminds me of that.
I am walking around the hostel, showing the common area, bar, kitchen, showers, etc. Dude with the camera is following me, I have no instructions, I am free to talk/do whatever I want. This is what I signed for when applying to the show, it is the role that suits me the best. Holding hands, posing with flowers — please save those scenes for other guys.
Best moment of the tour: I pass the guys, who are shooting pool (we call it "Billiard"). I stop, take the stick, ask dude which balls belong to us, casually hit one ball and nail it, the ball goes inside. It was half luck, half skill shot. I am super excited on the inside, because I did not really believe I was going to make a successful shot. However, I show no emotions on the outside for the camera, no expression on the face — you know, I am playing it cool, like a skilled player.
Do we all understand this little highlight of the tour? As I am explaining it, I don't know — probably it looked better in real life than it sounds.

Party in Ükskõik

Things are getting serious, the main event of the day is in front of us: we go out partying. We are not in a hurry guys, first we need to take care of the details. We film how Liisa is getting dressed up, we do it the same with me.
Then the scene, when we are both seating on a chair, looking at each other's eyes — romantic level 110 %. Few pictures, from left, left, right, left again. We both look elegant: Liisa in her dress, me with the fancy shirt, candles on the table — fuck yes!
In Ükskõik, we do more chatting, starring at each other's eyes, alcohol also gets involved. We play one round of beer pong, without faking. Liisa does not know how to throw a ball, but somehow manages to win the game. How is that possible? I have no freaking idea. I won several beer pong championships in November at Monk's, I thought I was good at this game. Probably the gravity works in a different way tonight, days like this happen from time to time.
More alcohol at the bar. Let's get these kids drunk, boost their confidence, why so shy and rational behavior? The cameraman is bored, he is yawning. He wants to shoot the act, where we dance with Liisa and then get the hell out of here. He has got wife and kids, another reality show to handle at home.
Liisa goes for a sandwich dance style — standing close together, hugging/touching involved, and similar shit. But the music is some kind of alternative disco funk (some weird music)? You do not dance sandwich to that!?
It was just enough alcohol for Liisa. I am waiting for a moment, when she is going to stick her tongue into my throat. Do we really need that, licking in front of the camera? I feel like a giraffe, I am trying to make my neck go longer, so Liisa cannot reach my mouth if she decides to go for it. Enough of the sandwich, for God's sake! I start with my own moves. Give me my personal space, let me show you how to funk this beat!
Job on the dance floor: done. Marko is happy, satisfied; we have enough of the funk material. The TV crew is off for tonight, everybody goes home, no casual drinks after work. We stay with Liisa in Ükskõik for one more hour, feeling a bit tipsy. Flying back to the apartment at 3 in the morning, where Liisa soon lands on my joystick (= dick).
The drinks are on, the party mood is still kicking, let's put some music on. Have I said this before: the stereo system is awesome! We have got surround sound, bass line, remote control, you name it! It brings me directly to Fabric in the middle of London, we had one amazing party over there in the season 2012/13.
Isn't it funny how nature made us? More alcohol, more sexual desires. No surprise is about to happen, no exceptions: bathroom, clothes off, fucking. According to the sound, movement, face expression: Liisa is having a time of her life. It is one of those faces people make when they go on a roller coaster in Disneyland, Gardaland, or any other amusement park. I do not suffer at all, nothing to complain about. It is an enjoyable ride, it would be a shame to go for shortcuts. All the compliments to my penis, he is showing some real effort on the battle ground.
Battle in the bathroom, music smashing in the living room, in the middle of the night — we might be pushing the boundaries, stretching someone's nerves. We are not aware how loud everything is. We were kind of asking for it: someone is in front of the apartment, hammering the door with their fists. Probably the neighbor, he sounds mad as fuck. I am not in the mood of dealing with hysterical Estonian people right now, I am not even dressed up. I shut down the music, let's pretend we fell asleep few minutes ago.
The next day, we get a message from the TV crew: what the hell was going on, because the neighbors called the police. Shit happens, our bad. It makes sense now: the police. They were really insisting at the door, they didn't want to go away for a while.

[2016-12-03] Estonia: Tallinn

"I am single again, find me on Facebook"

Saturday, 3rd of December: it has been exactly one week, since I moved into this luxury apartment. One week agreement to shoot the scenes for reality show — this means I am about to get the hell out of here.
We need to wake up early, the TV crew comes at 10 am. It is always hard to get up the next day after visiting an amusement park in the middle of the night. The cameraman films how I pack up my stuff, I need to be out until 1 pm. Next dude, next candidate as Liisa's future husband arrives few hours later in the afternoon. Clearly I am not meeting him, it has to be done separately.
Few more video shots how we say goodbye, auf wiedersehen, ciaos with Liisa — sad faces everywhere in the room, and I am out. The boys from the Eesti TV3 walk down the stairs with me. I shake hands with Marko, cameraman, mic technician; it was a pleasure boys. Marko creates my final words for the camera, if I agree: "For all the Estonian ladies, I am single again, find me on Facebook". Yes Marko, I agree. If that makes you happy, let's do it. I hop on the bike and disappear after the first corner — officially my ending scene in the show.
Another random thing during my trip: checked. This was fun, and intense. The air feels much lighter once you get rid of the camera. Nobody filming you, nobody analyzing you, nobody putting words into your mouth, no tricky scripts: it feels reveling. I was in the production apartment only for one week, now imagine if you are there few weeks, few months — no wonder people go crazy, shooting around emotions, ending up in mental institutions; it can be a stressful game.
I hear often how only "dumb people" apply to reality shows. One of the reasons, why I went for it: to check if the stereotype is true. I would not be so judgy. We all do silly things in real life, but usually there is no camera to capture it. Camera does add pressure, it is even easier to mess up things. Let's not forget about creators: they will add flavour to the show. They are masters of creating drama out of nothing. Eating chips behind television, being a commentator, that is the easiest.

Celebrating birthday in Kelm

We are celebrating a birthday tonight with the Monk's boys: two Latinos (Juanito — Puerto Rico, Martin el Papi — Argentina) and myself. The birthday dates are all inside few days: end of November, beginning of December. Mine is tomorrow: 27 years of age. Am I the oldest one among the trio?
We end up in Kelm, which is a local pub, it is not categorized as commercial and loud. They fix bikes at the same location during the day at the ground floor.
Diego (another Latino dude from Peru) is disappointed. He is not up for relaxed chill atmosphere, where you sit, chat, drink alcohol, go out for a smoke every 20 minutes. Diego likes action more than words. He would prefer a place with a dance floor, to do some boogie in front of chicas, asking them which shampoo do they use. Oh no, that is not Diego style: he likes dancing, but he does not ask those random "shampoo" questions. That's me, when I get bored of "what is your name" and similar questions.
We decide to stay at the end, the majority does not feel like swapping places. They really have comfortable sofas here, it is difficult to get up once you sit down. Ordering drinks at the bar: Juan pssts me, pointing at the bartender with his finger. Nothing special at the first sight. Scanning the crowd — wait, what? I open my eyes a bit wider the second time, chica looks absolutely gorgeous! And that is not it: the way she moves, the way she talks, behaves — super attractive.
We are stuck at the place, nobody is in a hurry. Why leave, if everybody is having a great time, if there is a cutie pie serving drinks behind the bar — that always lifts up the spirit, gives you motivation to stay longer.
It is impossible not to like her. Just exchanging words while ordering a drink feels like eating a chocolate. I like chocolate. Damn, am I getting a crush on her? I mean, I am falling for girls every day, nothing new. It comes and goes, but it rarely happens that I become nervous while talking to one. I do not remember the last time I got shy, do I get shy when talking to her?
When I open my mouth, my words do not sound that confident as usual, I cannot sell my stories like I normally do. My whole cycling trip suddenly sounds like whatever, nothing cool. Something is going on, chica must be a wizard. I start smoking cigarettes later on in the evening. Yeah, because she smokes. An old trick, how to buy yourself more time with a person, especially if she is a bartender, who is busy serving a bunch of thirsty guys.
By the way, Kertu is the name, 20-something years old. It is so hard to talk and listen to what she is saying, I am too busy just starring at her. She really is a cutie. Of course, the boyfriend topic comes on the plate at one point. They broke up just recently. "Yaay", I mean "Noo" — that is pretty sad to hear. I manage to get her contact. Big bravo for me, brave move.
It is getting pretty late, we are past the official open hours, "Kultuuriklubi Kelm" is about to get closed. The heavy weight security is walking around, shouting: everybody has 10-15 minutes to get out of here. Dude looks pretty serious, he has got his tough face on. He does not look like he has been starving in life, well fed, he must weight over 110 kg.
Security is getting close to us, it is our turn to say goodbye and walk out through the main door. "No-no-no, they can stay", says the wizard girl. I had no idea our social status got promoted to VIP during the last couple of hours.
The crowd is out, it is just the bar staff, few locals and ourselves — traveler represent. The music, the drinking does not stop, we keep on going. There is a queue at the phone for song wishes, I am not familiar with any of those melodies playing. When a party is at this stage, I always want to go with the song: "Spice Girls — Wannabe". Seems a suitable choice for every after party, when all of the gang feels a bit tired, drunk and silly.
There is too many of us left, and there is only one Kertu. We are all celebrating, how do we split the birthday cake? When you have Latinos at the party, they will not let the chicas in the building breathe. It is in their blood to give it a shot to everything that moves — who would not like those cabrones. I do my math, it is not a situation to rush, we have done enough for today. To go for more, would feel like forcing it. Nobody is that dumb on the battle field tonight for cheap tricks, I feel like we are all experienced fighters over here. Definitively in the mood for something sweet. I am like a kid, watching icecream through a window.

[2016-12-04] — [2016-12-11] Estonia: Tallinn

Booked a bus ticket: Tallinn — Vienna

Time for a move, it is my last week in Tallinn. Cycling trip with a bit of less cycling in the last couple of weeks is getting towards the end. There is no time left for messing around. In order to catch my next project — winter season in Austria, I booked a bus ticket: Tallinn (Estonia) — Vienna (Austria). Lux Express takes you for 40 EUR, they accept bicycles on board at no extra cost.

Siim wants to punch my face

Tallinn is a small town. You go out, there is a high chance of encountering someone you have already met. It is a classical Friday night, two days before my departure. Between us: any day is a Friday night when you work at a party hostel.
We are in a pub, I go to the toilet, I meet Marie — the one, we used to live together for few months back in summer. She looks drunk as fuck, I also had few drinks. She says "Hi", I say "Hi" and that is it, I do not see her for the rest of the evening. It seems she has been doing great, back on track, doing the alcohol game. The night goes on, the music goes off — no more music, our time is up, they are kicking us out. Is there something else we could do tonight, or should we head back to the Monk's base?
Walking on the street, I think I can see people from our hostel at a fast food hut, let's go say hi. We start a casual chat, I am scanning the crowd like usually to feed my curiosity with random observation. Isn't that Siim, Marie's ex boyfriend? I met this dude in summer when we were cruising with Marie and the gang around Hiiumaa. He lives on the island, not far away where Marie's family has a weekend house.
We just caught each other with the eyes, quite obvious. It would be weird now not to say hi, let's do it really fast. I make a super friendly approach with a smile, he does not look enthusiastic seeing me. He asks, what am I doing here. Aaam, what!? He knows about my cycling adventures. His tone gets more and more serious: "You were in my apartment, you are disrespectful..."; tralala, trilili, and similar garbage.
It looks like Siim is not in the mood for chatting, maybe better leave him alone. I had no idea there was unsolved issue between us, I thought we were buddies. My appearance clearly has a negative impact on Siim, his face is getting red, he says I am making him nervous and he wants to punch me. He wants to punch my innocent face, what the hell did I do wrong? I like my teeth, my face is too pretty for getting involved into a fist fight.
I start walking away, it was nice seeing you again buddy. Get well, find a hobby; meanwhile he shouts "fucking bitch" after me. I would not shout while eating buddy, dangerous behavior, your food could get stuck inside your throat.
Kids at their twenties: no mental strength, no emotional stability. They broke up with Marie two years ago and dude still feels fucking butterflies in his stomach? Maybe it is time to stop looking at the old highschool photo album and start moving forward. I am guessing that our friendship barrier is: I hooked up with Marie without his blessing. Sorry for being ignorant, I did not know I needed your permission before launching my penis up to work.
Dude clearly does not know how to get over a breakup. I heard many sad stories, when he calls Marie in the middle of the night and comes with a random one liner: (1) "Let's stay friends"; (2) "From now on you are like dead to me"; (3) "I am fucking one Russian while her boyfriend is at work". Pretty pathetic my friend, desperate calls for getting a bit of attention. It is over: seek help, get busy, move on.
Let's not be too harsh. It was his first, highschool love, they had been together for three years. You do not forget your first that easily. I am going to have three minutes of silence on the way back to the hostel. Wish you well buddy, find a healthy way to deal with your frustrations. Maybe next time, your street opponent will not be as nice as me.

In Kelm to see Kertu again

I need to go to Kelm one more time before I leave. The girl from last week, when we were celebrating with the boys, got stuck into my mind.
She did not finish her highschool, she wanted to grow up fast and be self dependent, a true rebel. Going alternative at early stage of life might be risky, many would say not a smartest move. What I know for sure, rebellion spirit makes her even more attractive. I forget how to talk when she is around, it is amazing. How could this happen to such an experienced vagabond like me? I feel like being in a classroom, listening to lectures by a 20 year old girl. Probably I look an idiot, most of the time I am just staring at her, not saying anything at all.
Kertu, she is young, just out of a teen relationship. If we are rational: she is going to need time to breath on her own. She needs to focus on herself, invest into self development. I never suggest anyone jumping from one relationship to another. Going solo in life (solo phase) is very important — no distractions, no love games, that is how your mind can focus on yourself. You are your own priority 24/7; not your partner, your dog, your cat. I am out of here in a couple of days, that fucking sucks.

[2016-12-12] Estonia — Lithuania: Tallinn — Vilnius

Monk's departure procedure: jug it through a tube

Last couple of days, I was running like a chicken around in Tallinn, trying to meet people for one more time before I leave. So many pretty chicas, so many cool people, high profile life at Monk's. I made my mind, I desire snow and mountains, there is no other way to do it than leaving Tallinn behind.
The bus leaves at 10:30 pm — so much time available, all day long, but never enough for packing. I am always catching last minutes with the luggage.
There is a protocol when leaving the Monk's hostel: the gang puts pressure on you, they make you jug as much quantity of alcohol as possible in a few couple of minutes. People had been missing planes and shit because of that. I get 3 beers, 2 shots of Absinthe, mixed together. I have to drink it in one go through a tube. Fucking hell, I am going to miss this place.

Protocol with bikes on board

It is a bit funny: a description on the page of Lux Express. You can take a bike on board, if there is enough space, but you don't know that until you get there. It is on you to talk with the driver and see what situation is at the spot. If there is no space for your bike, you get your money back and you are left behind at the bus station. It is a bit of Russian roulette, isn't it?
No one travels with the bike in December, lucky me. I get to the bus station, it is a good chilly ride, the alcohol fades away. I have a word with the driver, there is plenty of space available for all of my crap. I take my first wheel off, lower the seat, protection for the pedals + chain + gear (just wrap it over with plastic bags), and we are all set to go.
The bus does not have a rack at the back, I still like the system: the luggage goes on one side of the bus, the bike goes on the other where they keep equipment and tools. What I am trying to say, it is good for technical stuff to be separated from the luggage, thus the bike does not get smashed by heavy load during the ride.

30+ hours of bus ride ahead of me

The bus is pretty luxury, it has many cool features, I could live here. What you get is: Wi-Fi; water in plastic bottles; toilet; coffee/tea from automatic machine; every seat has a LED display, where you can surf internet or watch movies. Not bad at all, the bus is high tech compared to my bike, it is a different style of riding.
We will see how comfortable the seat gets after few hours on the road. All together, to reach Vienna, there is 30+ hours of driving ahead of us. I need to change buses twice in between: in Vilnius and Krakow.
While playing with technology on board, I receive a message from Regina. There is a question in the air: how/when to shoot the final episode for the TV show? They would like me to be in there. I understand: shooting final without the loudest candidate (highly possible winner of the show) is not good for the rating.

[2016-12-13] Lithuania — Poland: Vilnius — Krakow

Reflecting while on a bus

All day long on the bus, I am testing different positions, which one is the best to have a nap. When you are on a bus, looking through a window, plenty of time, I will tell you what is going on through your mind: (a) food — am I hungry?; (b) chicas — the ones you had on a plate, and didn't do anything about it, or not enough.
Adventure is all about doing things, creating high quality memories. When opportunity comes: grab it, do it. I hate it, when it is like: skip it, don't do it; and then later asking yourself why you didn't do it.
Chatting on the phone is not going to help now buddy, use your fucking mouth when you have a person in front of you. These modern technologies of communication are making us weaker. Nobody has guts anymore to say things in person. We are becoming a bunch of dogs barking via an app, when there is few thousand kilometers in between.

[2016-12-14] Poland — Austria: Krakow — Vienna

Moldavian papa plays accordion on the street

The bus gets me to Vienna early in the morning, I have got time to kill. The city is full of Christmas trees, they sell them at every corner. I had few seasons as a tree seller back at home. Mixed memories: cold, gets dark pretty fast, you don't know what to do with yourself. You may stand at the spot all day long to sell one, maybe two trees? Time goes faster if there is a bar at your hand with a cute bartender.
I find myself (again) in front of the camera, they are asking on the street how people celebrate Christmas. Oh, it is too cold to speak German, can I do it in English? I give some bullshit generic answer, I receive biscuits and tea for participating. Was more hoping for a Wiener schnitzel, but biscuits are fine too.
I decide to find a spot to have a snack, I end up sitting next to a street musician, he plays on accordion. We start talking, papa is from Moldavia, he must be around 50-60. Our German is on similar level, no weird local accent. The Moldavian musician tells me, he is paying 400 EUR a month for rent. Performing on the street gets him through, he pays his own rent and food. He plays a couple of hours per day. It is a part time job, plenty of time available for other hobbies: alcoholism, pornography, art, mathematics, philosophy; who knows what he is into.

Nussdorf docking station

I want to see another spot. I cycle out of the center, down to Nussdorf. The place has a smell of the year 2015, when I was working on a river ship as a waiter. We were cruising on Danube most of the time. When we stopped in Vienna, we actually stopped in Nussdorf, this is our docking station.
Fun job: I think I would rather sink the ship than do it again. Taking care of people (guests), it is a demanding job. You need to feed them at least three times per day, clean after them (they produce a ton of trash), entertain them. Keeps you busy 12 to 15 hours per day, seven days a week. To go for one season, to kill your curiosity, more than enough. In general, as a waiter, you are fucked.
If I am ever stepping my foot back on the ship, it is going to be as a captain. Those fuckers have a relaxed job. Only few shifts per week due to security regulations, autopilot and off we go. Other than that, they need to look good in their shirt and a hat for guests to take pictures with them, they are never getting their hands dirty. "They have a huge responsibility" — of course they do, the biggest one is who they are going to nail on the ship.

[2016-12-15] — [2016-12-17] Austria: Vienna

Jakub likes beer, cycling and mountains

I am spending my Christmas holidays in Vienna at Jakub's; the same dude I stopped at few months ago when cycling north. We meet in the evening after his job. He says he cannot stand his apartment, let's go out for a beer. We have something to talk about: the trip, cycling in general. Round after round, I hope we have enough money for the beers (we are in Vienna, not Czech Republic), Jakub is thirsty and I am playing along.
He is a true psycho, he is like a bull on the bicycle. He wants to participate in a bike race across Iceland next year, where you have to do 1550 km inside 85 hours. If we count both cycling and resting days, I needed more than a month to cover the same distance Jakub is going to do in four days. He likes this kind of endurance stuff, he has been doing it for three years in a row. Bicycle race: a lot of kilometers, little time, no sleep, colorful terrain with mountains and valleys.
Besides cycling, Jakub is a huge mountain lover. His opinion towards the mountains is very protective. Absolutely no trash, leave no trace behind you. If you smoke, do not drop a cigarette butt on the floor. He is against big infrastructures: no ski lifts, no gondolas. If you want to ski down to the valley, if you want to enjoy the view, fresh air — you need to work for it by climbing up using your feet.

The 200 km plan, starting at 4 am

I am thinking about how to get to Ljubljana. To take another bus? Such a big trip, and finishing it by bus, it doesn't sound right. What about leaving on Friday, before the weekend starts?
Jakub has a suggestion: we go together on Saturday, wake up at 4 am and kill 200 km to reach Graz. It is an attractive idea on the paper. Sounds adventurous, very Jakub style, are we in the shape to execute it? I did 200 km in a day only once during the trip, back in summer when daylight was until 9 pm.
It is Friday evening, what else to do than go for a beer. Jakub wants to show me another place, apparently there is a Slovene working at the bar. The night is young, Friday turns to Saturday, it is 2-3 am in the morning. My glass is full of beer — are we still serious about the 200 km plan? According to calculations, we should start cycling in an hour or two.

[2016-12-18] Austria: Vienna — Wiener Neustadt

Jakub turns back after 20 km for yoga classes

I leave Vienna on Sunday at 1 pm. Jakub does 20 symbolic km with me for the brotherhood spirit. He needs to run back to the city center, he is late for yoga classes. No idea, if it is truly about yoga or it is a code name (let's say) for sexual activities. The smile on Jakub's face is a bit mysterious, but I do not dig into the topic.
Overall, I do 45 km. Day is short, it gets dark after 4 pm. I take my time setting up the camp. Half meditating, half being on the task, it takes me three hours, from 5 to 8 pm.
Temperature is -1 °C, we have been through worse. It still feels unpleasant: taking your hands out of the pocket, using fingers to set up the tent. I have got nothing else to do after having a snack and updating my notes. Time to roll into my sleeping bag, turn the heating on (in my mind) and try to get some rest. I want to make a bigger move tomorrow.

[2016-12-19] Austria: Wiener Neustadt — Pinggau

Snow as a morning surprise

Morning, I see snow; great. There is not a lot of it, just enough to cover the ground and make me hate my life right now. Everything goes much slower: no traction, less stability, the road is wet and dirty, I am moving like a snail. And I was hoping for a bigger progress today.
We are in Austria, no more flat roads like in Baltic. There is some climbing ahead of me, no more dreaming on the bike. My wire for shifting gets frozen, I have got only one gear to ride. Something is making a noise at the rear tyre, everything fucking annoys me. Is there anything that works? I have got enough of this, either we are going to fix it or break it.
I turn the bike upside down, I try to hammer down ice from the wire. Not sure what is going on at the rear tyre, let's try to lose the ice and snow, it got stuck everywhere. It is exhausting: snow, mountains, ice; my speed average is like 10 km/h.

Generous offer by Frau Christine

I get to Pinggau, small Austrian town. I am just about to launch myself towards another hill, when I get approached by Frau Christine. Classical human interaction, she is curious: where from, where to, how long, why, my shoe number, etc.
I kindly answer all of the questions, adding some more; for example the fact, that I sleep in my tent during the night. When she hears about the tent, she almost drops herself on the ground (let's not forget, it is winter). I guess I am doing it subconsciously: always mention the tent, it might trigger a reaction in people's mind. Possible result: warm sofa.
A moment of silence. After half a minute, half a minute of calculation and math, I get invited to sleep in their house, if that is fine with me. That is a very generous offer, I don't have to think twice, I am going to take it.
Frau Christine lives with her husband, they are around 70 years old. Retired, they both used to work as a professor. They are quite religious, it is their hobby, in their spirit to help people in need. A recent, still ongoing topic: refugees from the east, running away from war and shitty environment, in search for a better, more decent life. Flüchtling, that is how the Germans (and Austrians) call a refugee. In this very house, they helped many from Syria, Afghanistan, Sudan, and today we are adding one more Ausländer on the list — from Slovenia.
The retired couple, Hans and Christine, are active people: majority of the food is hausgemacht, no TV in the house, they invest a lot of time into newcomers — teach them German, provide a bed if necessary, help dealing with papers. One dude with glasses just knocked on the door, he came for a German lecture. I get my own room, my own bed, the heating is on, all wonderful. The light goes off at 22:00, we agreed to have breakfast tomorrow all together at 7:30 am.
Time for a reflection, before I fall asleep: I could be sleeping outside in a tent right now. With this thought in my mind, I dive under the blanket, smiling. It was a tough day, from 9 am until 4 pm on the battle field, I covered 60 km. According to the snowy, icy conditions, I should be happy with the number. Real jackpot was meeting Christine: lucky, lucky bastard.

[2016-12-20] Austria: Pinggau — Loipersdorf

Learning about bread baking and refugees

Breakfast at 7:30 am; following the schedule. Everyone is done in half an hour, I do not leave the table until 9 am. I am new here, I need to try a bit of everything.
I am listening to the stories, how white flower, white bread is not healthy for your body; stories about refugees. Herr Hans has a Skype account, they stay connected with some of them online. Many people come, they do not get the necessary papers to stay in the country, they need to go back to the east. Skype helps to keep in touch in these kind of scenarios, it is also a good way to practice German on distance.
I am invited to stay as many days as I want. A lady from Syria walks through the door, she is going to help Frau Christine with baking the bread. It is a nice gesture: it would be lovely to stay, learn something new, bake the bread, but the temperatures are not getting any warmer. I decide it would not be a good idea to postpone the trip, it is just going to be tougher to leave. I want to kill of what is left from the distance and be done with it.

Autopilot on EuroVelo 9

I leave the house of Brantner family at 11:00 am, it is -3 °C. I thought it would be warmer, the snow from yesterday is gone though. Cycling in minus, I wonder if I am going to miss it one day when I am done.
I find a cycling route: EuroVelo 9 or R12 (European vs local Austrian label). It goes my direction, I decide to avoid the main vehicle connection and stay on the cyclist-friendly lane. You can turn the traffic off in your mind, dream while cycling, you do not have to worry about getting hit by a car, it is lovely. Compared to the main connections, cycling routes are slower, usually it leads you via many turns. It is not that straight, that is the price for having less or zero traffic.
I do 75 km until 4 pm, I am hungry as a stray dog. I have not eaten anything serious since breakfast. With such a short daylight, I didn't want to stop and lose precious time by having lunch. Candies and chocolate: fuel that keeps me going.

Farm with annoying goats

Every night, always the same question: Where to sleep? I am checking the houses, maybe I see someone at the front yard. I could try my luck by asking, if someone has a tiny warm spot, where I could crash the night. Such an unpleasant task doing this in winter: late afternoon and it is a night already. People easily get creeped out, if you approach them from the dark.
There is one grandpa parking a car, he looks confident, is this my chance? Too much of thinking, which German words to use, meanwhile my legs keep on cycling. When I create a German sentence in my mind, I am already in another village, and I never cycle back. One of my unwritten rules of the trip: always move forward, opportunities come and go — you miss one, there is always another one waiting for you along the road.
I start ascending; a farm on my left, I am going to have a look. It seems empty, nobody lives here. Alright, what do we got here? Full truck of goats behind a fence, should not be a problem. Someone uses the farm to keep the goats. It is a good info: someone needs to feed, take care of the animals, we might expect guests in the morning if I stay overnight.
A lot of junk around, I find a radiator, but unfortunately the electricity is out. More random stuff, dry grass — bingo, this is going to be my bedroom. Dry grass is a perfect isolator. Do I see wood logs on the other side? It is all connected now: dry grass to sleep, wood to make fire, we got elements for A1 experience.
The goats are fuck loads annoying: "Meee, meee!" They don't stop mee-ing! I have a feeling, they are trying to let all the neighborhood know about my secret sleeping intention. I have got enough of this, someone needs to tell them to keep their mouth shut, it is way past their bed time. I put all of my clothes on, roll into my sleeping bag and dive under the grass. Just my nose out, to keep on breathing.

[2016-12-21] Austria — Slovenia: Loipersdorf — Maribor

Goats barking as soon as I wake up

I open my eyes, still here. Pretty comfortable night for -3 °C, I am able to say I got a good night rest. No shivering, looking at the watch, counting minutes.
The pack of goats is up, they are being loud. What is their problem? They make me nervous. Maybe that is the way to call the owner to bring more food and clean the shit from the backyard, I do not know how the rules work around here.
I am going to make myself disappear before someone arrives. As always, I make sure to leave no trash behind. Hope the goats are happy, as I am leaving, are you going to stop barking now?

To Europark for Coca Cola and bananas

I reach Gornja Radgona (Austrian — Slovenian border) at 03:30 pm, 70 km behind me. Temperature is -5 °C, the water in my bottle is frozen, I have got no water to drink. It happened to me before, it is going to happen every time when the temperature drops below zero — strange rules of nature.
To reach Maribor, I have got 30 more km to kill. That is on the menu for today. I gave myself no other option. If tired, thirsty, cold; does not matter — keep on going until you hit into Maribor sign.
When in town, first stop: Europark shopping center. I buy one liter of Coca Cola and bananas. My mouth is dry like Sahara, I am going to smash Coca Cola bubbles before reaching the cashier. Feels better than 100 EUR.

Sarma and beer at Iztok's

I call Iztok, also known as Izza in his local environment, he volunteered to save my frozen ass for a couple of days.
Iztok has been around for quite some time now, I think we can categorize him as a family friend. I was a kid in highschool, when they were partying together with the rest of the gang. There is a gap between us, something like 10 years. I am a bit less childish now. I drink beer — we have got things in common, should not be difficult to develop a debate.
Sarma is on the plate, second beer on the table, radiators are warm — what else can you wish for? After long time: debate again in Slovenian language. My tongue can relax producing natural sounds — no killing myself with German, Russian, Polish; what else was I trying to speak along the way? A discussion goes on, but we need to end it. Iztok has got a meeting to attend tomorrow morning.

[2016-12-22] — [2016-12-27] Slovenia: Maribor

Discussion with Izza's father

Next day, it is just me and Izza's father. He has got time to talk, he is retired, I have got time to listen, I am a full time vagabond. Nobody is thirsty, nobody is hungry: there is coffee, toasts for breakfast; sausages, sauerkraut for lunch.
A serious debate rises on the surface, I have heard some of it by pieces in the past, but never really heard the whole background story. The family has been shattered multiple times in the last couple of years, earthquake after earthquake. When your company goes down the toilet; your own house is on mortgage; one of your sons is blindly in love with a toxic, selfish biatchx; your wife dies; a stroke hits you — what do you do? Where to get motivation to wake up in the morning, and why not just buy TNT and blow everything into the air?
I cannot believe what I am hearing, I need to shoot this out, cannot leave it stuck in my mind. There are two kids in this family, but nobody really is a kid anymore — no more changing the diapers, all adults on paper. I know Izza, I do not know the other half, his brother. Sebastian is madly in love with a woman, they have a kid together. Up to this point: a happy couple and a son as a blessing, all wonderful. The story goes downhill, because deep down someone in this relationship does not feel satisfied.
The wifey desires more than just love, she wants fancy and expensive life style. She is super talented at borrowing, blowing the family's money into the air, but never returning it. The whole family ends up in trouble, house on mortgage, but she doesn't care. She doesn't want to hear anything about bank credits, let everyone else deal with the mess she created. Sebastian still blindly loves and supports her, while the rest of the family is killing themselves, trying to save the boat from sinking. Someone should be slapped in the face real hard — not once, multiple times.

Local wine basement excursions

It is Christmas time in Maribor, what a wonderful time to be around. An amazing opportunity to learn about Štajerska čaga, culture, wine basement and drinking habits. I need to thank Izza for this. Even though he is busy with meetings, job phone calls, and similar adult crap responsibilities; he takes his time to show me places, takes me on tours I have never gone before.
Art exhibition in Isabella — a young artist (Nina Kurnik), her hand made drawings are hanging on the wall. We are celebrating the special occasion with glasses (full of wine); lovely.
Another day, we visit one of Izza's friends — dude is married, has got kids, big house. He is so happy to see us, he shows us his wine basement. He leaves us with no other choice, the glasses are full, someone needs to empty them.
We spend Christmas dinner with Suli and Anja, they are Iztok's neighbors (also owners of bistro Isabella). We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by emptying few bottles of wine. I am telling you, Jesus would be proud.

Showering with a sunscreen

What I like about Iztok, he doesn't worry too much when having a guest in his house. I invited myself, stayed at many places — when I see people worrying too much, stressing about details (nobody really cares about), it gives me a headache.
I am a cheap vagabond, I do not expect luxury. I am happy with the basics: (a) roof above my head; (b) fridge full of food; that is all what I need, all we need to worry about. Other comfort criteria is not important at all. I love it when a host gets this and relaxes. If I wanted someone serving me from front and behind, I would save up the money and stay in hotels.
There is no shower gel in the bathroom — who cares, why worry, life is complicated enough with other stuff. I found a tube of cream next to the sink a couple of days ago, it might be a sunscreen, but it works just fine also as a shower gel. I have been using it for a couple of days now. Problem solved, no complications.

Arena Lent: Prljavo Kazalište

It is officially a Christmas day, December 25. Izza announces, we are going for a concert tonight: Prljavo Kazalište, they are playing in arena Lent, Maribor.
It is kind of old Yugo rock style music. To be honest, I am not a huge fan. The band is on the scene for too long, playing the same songs over and over again since I can remember. People love them, probably just because of that. They have been on the scene forever, the band brings memories on stage, nostalgia of Yugoslavia — times, when the land of Balkan used to be one country.
I might be too young to understand, too young to feel that spirit. I was born two years before Yugoslavia split into several countries. Even if you do not follow the band, you still know a verse or two of their lyrics; that is how popular they are.
At the concert: beer is good, I am meeting few more buddies from Iztok. The whole gang is dehydrated, it is important to drink fluids. We keep on going, round after round, we are smashing the lyrics. Suddenly, the concert is over. Wow wow, what happens now?
The night is still young, it would be a shame to retire after a proper warm up. We are all in a good shape, visibility is okay, general conditions are up to standard. The concert is over, it doesn't mean our night should also be over — do we all agree on that?

Isabella: They close too soon

Few gang members, those with wives and kids, they run home. They have got permission to attend only the concert, not to vagabond throughout the whole night. Rest of us, no strings attached, we continue the trip to Isabella. I like Isabella, atmosphere is relaxed, attractive.
The only problem: they close the door too soon, they do not support heavy drinking late into the night. No biggie, no panic, we have got local experts in the team. They know where to get beer, wine, hard liquor, any questionable substances in the middle of the night, if necessary.
Solution is not far away. We are at Poštna Ulica, city center: the street was designed as bar next to a bar. When Isabella gets closed, all we need to do is: lift our asses and move to the neighbours'. New place is called "Huda Kava".
The pub's name suggests they have a good coffee in the house; we are not drinking coffee at this time, are we? It is pretty packed, the pub is not big. It seems when everything else gets closed, Huda Kava is the place to be. Small area, that is good, it brings people together.

Huda Kava: Senorita in a red dress

If we scan the audience, what brings up our attention? There are youngsters sitting at one table, local boys, they are having fun. They are smashing shots, cracking up jokes. We look like amateurs holding a beer, our team is not that far in a race compared to them.
One of their buddies is getting kaput, it is just too much to handle. Soon he decides it is the best — not to go home, but take a nap on the table. The guy is a true champ, he is not leaving his team behind under any circumstances. That's the team spirit, someone give him a medal!
Another table, a group of ladies. They might be having a highschool reunion. Don't know, just blind guessing, probably not. They look cheerful, like the boys at the other table. Something is in the air, I haven't seen one sad face in a bar, is this the alcohol effect?
Chicas must be going towards mature age. They are not 20 anymore, college times are over. They look sharp as fuck. Especially the red one, she shines much more than the other three. She is such a bomb, it is almost scary. Porn wise, she would fit into MILF category, or cougar. She is like "rawr" when you look at her. Don't turn your back, or she is going to attack.
The night is moving on. As usual, there is talking, drinking, observing nature around. Izza and his buddies (also my buddies), I do not need to tell them what is going on. They are old enough to know what to look at.
The gang I am with, they are all between 30 and 40, they should be experienced enough to deal with any situation that might come up. I am playing low-key, no loud or intense moves, I love just to step back and observe. Change the color like chameleon, stay in the background and scan dynamics around. Even though we are in Slovenia, I do not come often to Maribor, I have got a bit of that foreigner feeling.
How does it even start? Someone from our team opens a dialog with the ladies. A direct "joke" as an opener: "Who would you pick from the opposite side, if you had a vote?"
I realize something is cooking, time for a focus switch, sharpen up your ears. The red one goes, if we use the exact words: "Ne, jaz njega nebi, njega pa bi", pointing her finger towards me, smiling. If we translate, she just canceled the dude who opened the conversation, saying she would not pick him, but she would pick me.
Quite a reasonable call, I am the youngest meat among the gang, fresh vegetable picked from the home garden. Still a bit surprised though: a woman in a fancy red dress VS a dirty cyclist, wearing clothes, all washed out, hardly with any colors. There is always attraction between plus and minus, that is true.
Anyway, cards are on the table. Someone is in the mood to play, it cannot get more obvious than that. It is my turn to make a move. I have seen her smoking. That is what we'll do, we will go for a smoke. Cigarettes: best toxic social invention ever. I borrow two cigarettes; I have got none, my trip budget does not support smoking.
We go out for a quick chat and introduction, because "no smoking" in the bar. "Bla bla, bli bli", just enough to break the ice, no hard core philosophical debates (yet). Of course I need to share few of my cycling stories; I am a story teller, people love listening to my shit.
Back in the bar: some people go home, only the most enthusiastic, the most endurable stay. The waiter is being very supportive and patient, he has shouted "Last round" for a couple of times already, nobody takes him seriously. He is too soft with his guests, too generous. He is spoiling the crowd; there is always another round after the "last round". It is one of the best sporty alcoholic nights I have had during the trip.
Everybody ends up sitting at the same table: local boys, chicas, our team, bartender; even dude, who is taking a nap on the table, he doesn't leave until the end. We are smashing shots, there is a buddy — no idea what his name is, we introduced, I forgot, he studies architecture — it is his night, he is delivering jokes line after line. I love it!
When alcohol kicks in, some people start talking, some become funny, some become annoying. There is always dude in a bar, who doesn't know what to do with himself after getting drunk. (Still) too shy, no balls to talk to chicas, no ideas how to just relax and enjoy the atmosphere. "We are in Maribor and you are wearing a green jacket, why are you wearing a green jacket?" Oh buddy, tell me you are joking? You are not, your face is serious.
So many better things to do at this very moment, yet you would prefer to start a fight over a green jacket, wouldn't you? Buddy, that is not the way to handle your frustrations inside your little soul. Does it bother you, I am not local, do I get too much attention from the "red dress" hottie? I know, it is not about the jacket and football, you just had to find something to provoke.
Green is the official color of a football club from Ljubljana, purple is the color of Maribor. Two biggest football clubs in Slovenia, big rivals on the pitch, both supporters like to fight sometimes after the match. The kid drank too much and wants to be a hooligan now; calm down buddy.
I explain him nicely, I do not support any football team. I never watch football, I am not from Maribor, I am not from Ljubljana; I am just a random cyclist. Why am I wearing green: Gods themselves wanted me to pick a green jacket eight months ago when starting the adventure. Sorry buddy, I would love to chat, talk about your issues. But I have got other worries in my mind: how to nail that pretty, furry, big cat.
It is 05:00 am, the waiter has really been cool with us, he should have stopped serving us few hours ago. The man deserves a rest, we need to get the hell out of here.
A good party needs a proper after party as well, to add the cherry on top of the cream. The squad understands, agrees with me, no debate necessary. Where to go at 5 am, middle of the night? That is the biggest concern, we need to solve before leaving the bar.
"We can all go to my place and continue there, plenty of space for everybody", says the only female representative among the group. Yes, the hottest one, she is still here, her friends left few hours ago. She has got good nerves to cope with a bunch of semi-drunk guys.

Two floor apartment, city center: Cherry on top of the cream

There is 5-6 of us, a mixed group of survivals. Unfortunately: buddy sleeping on the table, he didn't make it up here.
We end up at gynecologist's place (yap, that is her profession). She lives: city center of Maribor, 2-floor apartment with a closed balcony, top of the building. Her window shades work on remote control. The apartment is so spacious, it is easy to get lost. Only sitting on a chair, it feels expensive.
Who wants to drink more? We are getting served "Borovničke". It is easy schnapps, made out of blueberries.
They have a different accent in Štajerska (north-east region of Slovenia), you have got to love them when they talk. One of the newly met buddies from the evening, he starts ranting about the public Christmas tree: "Every city has a tree: tall and thin; only in Maribor, we have got a tree: small and thick". I have seen the tree on the main square. Dude is right, they are a bit unlucky with the pick this year. But overall, it serves the purpose.
We are losing the boys one by one: Izza, the architect student, Christmas tree disliker. Until 11 am, all of the male squad falls asleep.
I am awake like an owl, I have been training for this since May. Now, it is truly about that cherry on top of the cream. When I look her in the eyes, no words are necessary, we are thinking exactly the same thing. And we have been thinking about it since the very first moment, when we had that intro cigarette.
I follow her up the stairs to the second floor, she is going to show me the bedroom. I cannot stop smiling while walking up the stairs; what a lucky, lucky bastard I am. The bedroom, the bathroom — fancy rocks, shiny stuff, space as much as you want; this is what I call a royal environment. Makes me feel like I am about to fuck a queen with the crown on her head. Super excited, I could not wish for a better Christmas present.
At the bed, she is already naked, not wasting any fucking time. I am starring from the other side of the bedroom like an idiot, when she explains to me: "I always sleep naked, don't like to feel trapped under the clothes." Hurry up buddy, play along: lose the pants and shirt, feel the freedom and join her in the bed. Like before any meal, this would be a moment to pray and thank the Gods for bringing food on the table, but there is no time.
Two minutes into "sleeping", I have got her tongue in my mouth, there is no way going back. I feel like floating in the air: it is a perfect combination of alcohol, tiredness and attraction.
We fuck like it is the end of the world. It feels forever, good forever. Alcohol makes your nerve system less sensible — you feel less, but it makes you last longer. We drop dead after one hour or so, completely drained out. Nothing can wake me up for the next xy hours. I will not respond, if you fly with a jet over my head. I gave it all.
Need to thank my cycling stamina, endurance for this one. Partying, drinking for more than 15 hours; then provide a hard, functional dick — pretty proud of myself. You need to be in a good shape (still) to be able to deliver after such a long night.

Staying two more days

It seems we are both hungry for human interaction, the energies are very compatible. I stay two more days at her apartment. Basically we: talk, fuck, sleep — repeat. Some of the boys are still sleeping on a chair, down in the living room after 12 hours — party hard, sleep harder.
Senorita Lampelj works as gynecologist, only child in the family. She lives alone, the apartment is bigger than 100 square meters, you could make a hostel out of this place.
She has been 40 this year. You couldn't tell, she looks freaking athletic. Takes good care of herself, only the face is telling you, she is not 25 anymore. We do the math: she is a bit more than 10 years older than me; but I am not getting fooled by age anymore. If you can make a person relax, forget about responsibilities, problems, everybody becomes a kid.
If the trip taught my anything, there is always a scar, hidden pain behind every smile; bigger the smile, bigger the pain. And the lady next to me, she smiles a lot: (a) Her mother died at the age of 55; (b) No luck with marriage, partnership: the cowboy was slightly asexual, at the end it was only about hiking hills together, no ass was getting slapped, no fire in the bedroom, only smoke from chimney in winter time; (c) Nevertheless, they have got a boy together, 6 years old, little buddy has brain issues. Nobody knows a lot about it, it is undiscovered field in medicine. If the issue keeps developing, it is only a matter of time before everything ends for the little boy.
Obstacles always come in life, whether you like it or not. Crying, stressing about problems never helps, I also vote for smiling method. Do what is in your reach, put a smile on your face, and enjoy the ride.

[2016-12-28] Slovenia: Maribor — Ljubljana

Four eggs for breakfast

Maribor is nice. Great city, enthusiastic people, I am definitively having a blast. I have had my share of randomness, it was intense for me and everybody around me. Time to leave and let people breathe normally again, they have got their own lives to handle.
Big thanks to Izza and his father. I was living like a king for a couple of days: my own bedroom, my own bathroom, fridge on the reach. I really need to get out, I could get used to this and stay forever.
Four eggs for breakfast, get your bike ready and get out.

Rubbish asphalt, annoying train track

If all goes according to plan, I am finishing the trip today. I will lock the bike in the basement, I don't want to see it for a couple of months.
Very springy conditions for December, it is 9 °C, sunny. I am wearing exactly the same set of clothes as for riding below zero, I need to throw away a layer or two.
The old Maribor — Ljubljana connection is not in the best condition, asphalt is completely rubbish. Road goes along the train track with countless crossovers, super annoying. Constant vibration for the bicycle. If it is going to be like this all the way, the bike is not going to survive, it is going to fall apart.

Interrupted in Trzin

Riding via Trojane, they have got excellent donuts here: huge, soft, tasty — should I stop or not? It is always crowded massively here, everybody knows the place. I do not want to stop and kill the rhythm.
I should keep going, it is going to get dark soon. By now, even birds on trees know, I am not equipped for night riding. Would be a shame to get hit by a car on my final day of the trip because of that.
The afternoon sunlight is amazing when approaching Trzin. I decide to do few glorious selfies, to celebrate the victory, survival of the last eight months. Annoying drivers, they don't let me have one moment for myself. As soon as I grab my phone camera, a queue lines up behind me. Everybody in a fucking hurry, getting nuts, because they are losing few seconds of their precious time.
Should I get mad, should I smile? Some things never change. People behind the wheel: no patience. They are terrible, everywhere I have been.

Back where it all started

It is 16:30, relation Maribor — Ljubljana: done, 132 km smashed. I am behind the building, area Ruski Car. To make a picture, exactly at the same spot as on my first day.
I congratulate myself in front of the mirror. Well done buddy, high five, you have done a great job! Here, have a cookie, you deserve one.